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[Football] Alternatives to "cant hit a barn door" and "cant hit a cow with a banjo"



Swansman

Swansman

Pro-peace
May 13, 2019
22,320
Sweden
Alternatives to "cant hit a barn door" and "cant hit a cow with a banjo"

English is one of the richest languages yet these two phrases seem to be all there is aside from the occasional "couldnt score in a brothel". We have the barn door one in Sweden as well, the cow and the banjo thing is probably something purely English... we dont do that around here. Waste of a good banjo and the cow might get disappointed.

Surely there should be more imaginative ways of describing someone failing to score?
 








Guinness Boy

Guinness Boy

Tofu eating wokerati
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patron
Jul 23, 2003
34,207
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
Point of order. There's no such thing as a good banjo. Well, except for [MENTION=22214]banjo[/MENTION]
 


pastafarian

pastafarian

Well-known member
Sep 4, 2011
11,902
Sussex
Guinness Boy said:
Point of order. There's no such thing as a good banjo. Well, except for [MENTION=22214]banjo[/MENTION]
Click to expand...

Point of order, the banjo in question is a type of shovel.
We all know there are cracking shovels.......have you not seen the documentary Ripping Yarns?
 




smeariestbat

smeariestbat

New member
May 5, 2012
1,731
Edit: read post before commenting :)
 


B

Bodian

Well-known member
May 3, 2012
11,858
Cumbria
Three isn't too bad for one thing. Do you have any others in Sweden that you can translate for us?

You've missed a crucial word out of the banjo one - and it's crucial because banjo in this phrase (so I've been led to believe) refers to a round shovel or spade (shaped like a banjo). Not many farmers are going to encouraging their cows to move with a musical instrument!
 


Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patron
Oct 8, 2003
50,164
Faversham
It isn't something that triggers gleeful allegory, to be fair. Few want to mock players in their own team*, and there is an element of tempting fate when considering Benteke.

Edit: was 'Barn Door Billy' coined during the loan spell or after he was returned to sender?
 




Guinness Boy

Guinness Boy

Tofu eating wokerati
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patron
Jul 23, 2003
34,207
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
Harry Wilson's tackle said:
It isn't something that triggers gleeful allegory, to be fair. Few want to mock players in their own team*, and there is an element of tempting fate when considering Benteke.

Edit: was 'Barn Door Billy' coined during the loan spell or after he was returned to sender?
Click to expand...

Before, during and after I believe. There was a cracking Twitter parody of him at the time as well.
 








Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patron
Oct 8, 2003
50,164
Faversham
















Baldseagull

Baldseagull

Well-known member
Jan 26, 2012
10,957
Crawley
Couldn't shoot in a condom, score in a brothel, could throw his hat on the floor and miss
 


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