Seagull's Return
Active member
Aha - I see what you did there, very drole. This must be the right place!
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[Humour] Should I Post a Joke du Jour?
- Thread starter Jack Straw
- Start date
rogersix
Well-known member
- Jan 18, 2014
- 7,902
do they both want hughton back as manager?
Uh_huh_him
Well-known member
- Sep 28, 2011
- 10,675
I did enjoy the one told by Peter Brackley (as Greavsie) on the Ian St John thread the other day
Dorset Seagull
Once Dolphin, Now Seagull
Ok times up its time to hijack the thread
Woman comes back from her 60th birthday medical check and says to her husband “The doctor says I have the legs of an 18 year old and the breasts of a 21 yr old”. Husband replies “what did he say about your 60 yr old tw@t” Wife says “He never mentioned you”
Woman comes back from her 60th birthday medical check and says to her husband “The doctor says I have the legs of an 18 year old and the breasts of a 21 yr old”. Husband replies “what did he say about your 60 yr old tw@t” Wife says “He never mentioned you”
Superphil
Dismember
Nah
Coldeanseagull
Opinionated
Come on Jack, or I'll go all Nike
Just do it
Just do it
Dick Swiveller
Well-known member
- Sep 9, 2011
- 9,156
Let's go with an old school one. On their Wedding Night, a couple are in their honeymoon suite and about to get intimate for the first time. The husband tells his wife he has a surprise for her and makes her close her eyes. He removes his false leg and places her hand on his stump. "What do you make of that?" he asks.
She smiles sweetly. "Well that is a surprise but pass me the Vaseline and I will see what I can do".
I have a feeling that joke is as old as me.
She smiles sweetly. "Well that is a surprise but pass me the Vaseline and I will see what I can do".
I have a feeling that joke is as old as me.
Coldeanseagull
Opinionated
You're right, it's such an old joke, I chuckled in imperial
See I don’t get that. She would have notice he walked with a limp and enquired surely. Unless she thought she could take on his stump with Vaseline which would make her some some sort of weird ****er which is not indicated in the original text.
How do you keep a load of old wankers in suspense?
Pavilionaire
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 30,570
Deliberately release no statement re Roy Hodgson's new contract negotiations?
AmexRuislip
Trainee Spy 🕵️♂️
The beer connoisseurs on here can provide the canned laughter for you [MENTION=259]Jack Straw[/MENTION]
Dick Swiveller
Well-known member
- Sep 9, 2011
- 9,156
I assumed he had some kind of skin condition and petroleum jelly might help ease it. Never understood why my parents thought it so funny. Suppose you could laugh at amputee suffering in those days. Wouldn't be allowed with the Woke brigade.
Dick Swiveller
Well-known member
- Sep 9, 2011
- 9,156
That took you furlong enough. And I bet you half-inched that line from someone else. Florin Andone, maybe. Having a Peck at my joke.
One of my friends had a leg amputated at the knee. We do black humour darker than most so he just saw it as a sex aid.
Mr Bridger
Sound of the suburbs
Speaking of which....
My doctor recently asked me if I would consider stopping masturbating. When I enquired as to why, he said it was so he could finish the colonoscopy....
AmexRuislip
Trainee Spy 🕵️♂️
"You've been a naughty boy."
"We're going to have to sort you out."
"Guns aren't our thing."
"Slitting your throat would be too good for you."
"I reckon we should make it slow." "And painful."
"We've decided to hit your head repeatedly with the fifth book of the Old Testament."
"That's due to Ron and me."
In light of Harry & Megan's interview with Oprah, the government will be soon utilising an unexpected renewable energy source.
Prince Phillip spinning in his grave is expected to generate enough power to light up a whole county.
"We're going to have to sort you out."
"Guns aren't our thing."
"Slitting your throat would be too good for you."
"I reckon we should make it slow." "And painful."
"We've decided to hit your head repeatedly with the fifth book of the Old Testament."
"That's due to Ron and me."
In light of Harry & Megan's interview with Oprah, the government will be soon utilising an unexpected renewable energy source.
Prince Phillip spinning in his grave is expected to generate enough power to light up a whole county.
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 70,161
Man wakes up in hospital and says (in a panic-stricken voice obviously) "Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" "Nothing to worry about" says the doctor, "we've amputated your arms"