Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊

[Misc] NSC Mental Health Thread



Hamilton

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
12,454
Brighton
I think we all suffer from mental health issues. It is a constant for anyone. It may lie dormant in us for long periods but the slightest bit of stress bring MH to the fore.

It's like eating and drinking badly. Do that and you soon find you are not that fit. Change your diet and habits, and you find you get fitter. It's a simple analogy.

During the last year I've been focused 100% on keeping my business running and keeping people in jobs. It has had its toll. We had to make a couple of employees redundant, which was horrible. The pressure they were then under was immense. That had an impact on me, but I tend to try and just put things to one side. But you're never really putting things to one side. You are storing them up.

I'd say I've coped well. I've managed to keep mentally healthy by trying to stay physically healthy and I think there's a massive link between those two things. But, I didn't get anytime off last year at all and that undoubtedly started to show by the end of last year. I was tetchy; my work was not as good; I was not concentrating as much; I was probably a bad Dad and a bad husband. Of course, that's nothing compared to the two people who lost their jobs. Thankfully, both are now back in employment.

Your mental health is essential. You simply have to keep an eye on it or it will bit you on the arse. And anyone can be bitten.

I feel most for our kids. Ours are in the twenties and thirties and while it's easy to say, "they have their whole lives ahead of them" that's just bullshit when you are not them and they are watching their futures change and seemingly disappear before their eyes. The pressure on them is immense, and those of us in our 50+ year bracket owe them a debt and it's why they should have to pay for the pandemic further going forward.

Just keep talking. That's what I say to my kids. Don't bottle anything up. Talk, share and when it's out it's easier to deal with.
 




Ethelwulf

Well-known member
Apr 6, 2020
2,041
West Worthing
Fabulous post. :clap:

To the bits in bold:

I used to, yes. But we've exchanged some PMs recently (prior to this post) and I absolutely do not now. Still less after reading your post.

Yes, I could see that you were really trying not to be banned; that's why I engaged. You've succeeded! Do I agree with everything you post - no; I don't need to. Am I chuffed to bits you are a contributing member of this community? Too bloody right I am.


Hi B

Sent you a private Pm

A
 


Weststander

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Aug 25, 2011
63,938
Withdean area
Thanks Westlander

People like you and this post have for the first time in Ages put a smile on my face and made me relax a bit more

I have had lots of counselling and support

My life story if I tried to write a book would sell a few copies I try and see that all the shit and heartbreak and just unfair stuff is just the hand that life has dealt me.
I was holding steady until last week when I did my rotary cuff and an another totally unfair event in my life where I am being accused of lying in a legal case (which is a tactic from other side) Due to my OCD this has now triggered an event which is crippling me with anxiety

I am like the Albion in life under GP I play good but never get the luck I deserve

You really can turn it around, believe me.

Firstly, in your mind. All that crap exists and can’t be erased, but a new way of thinking, not letting (understandable) ruminating dominate your thoughts, would be a huge step forward. That book might be a starting point or perhaps time with a proactive experienced counsellor. You’ll be amazed.

Then, once you feel in the main better, have realistic expectations about ‘happiness’ and love yourself, practical things such as career, interests and relationships can improve too.

You may well live many more decades, respectfully, you owe it yourself to feel happier.

Chatting in this thread was a healthy first step.
 


Mr Banana

Tedious chump
Aug 8, 2005
5,482
Standing in the way of control
Oh yeah, that was a book I meant to mention (sorry to wang on in this otherwise admirable thread.) Van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score.

Can't imagine there are many who haven't heard of it by now, but worth repeating...
 
Last edited:


Brighton Rocker

Active member
Jul 16, 2011
114
TN 21
Thanks to every one for posting.
I'd actually been meaning to start a thread myself.
I've been on here, under other names forever and it's always been somewhere with a lot of support and common sense, love even, amongst the binfests.
This will likely be incoherent and possibly indulgent....

I'm struggling.
I've always struggled. Muddled really. I've never felt 'right' but there's never really been something obviously 'wrong' or different about me. Whereas many friends I've known have had very obvious mental health issues I've just kind of been drifting along. It's not like I've even been faking it. People do just think I'm a happy soul.
I wondered if I had some kind of manic depression but from what i've read about and seen personally, it doesn't feel like that.
As long as I'm in a controlled environment, some thing I am used to, I'm able to access the kind of confident, charismatic, clownish part of my personality that most people see. I'm not acting- it's natural, I'm not thinking 'don't let people see the real you' or anything like that. But at all other times i just feel utterly listless.
I don't really have any friends. I've found keeping friends very, very hard. I can go in to town and know so many people. I could go out on an evening on my own and know i'd find plenty of 'friends', but none of these people exist to me in the rest of my life.
I've had a host of beautiful and lovely partners who've always been very fond on me but I just can't ever get myself to the point of turning them in to something substantial.
I don't really understand the rules. It's like, in terms of relationships, social interaction, the world of work, of family, the 'normal things, I just don't know how to do them. I know it's hard. Life is hard. I know every one struggles. But i just feel so disconnected to it all.
I feel like the only way I can be a 'success' is to stay in 'confident clown' mode. I'm 40 now. I can't keep that up any more.
I don't have any interests or hobbies. I mean, I'd not be too unhappy spending the rest of my life on a beach, I love the Albion like a lifelong friend I actually hate but am stuck with, but apart from that?
I think I like lots but don't LOVE anything. Every one i know has interests. Genuine interests -not just going out, getting high, showing off- collecting things, learning skills, obsessing. Being passionate about something. Being passionate about lots of things.
I can't stick at things. Can't learn. Won't persist. Get distracted. Forget. I'll try a new thing, or try to rekindle an old hobby and do it for a day or two and then just be 'meh'. I started listening to podcasts. Lasted about a week. I rarely finish books. I don't even get in to Netflix boxsets.
I don't suppose I'll ever have a long term partner or family.

I desperately want to feel. I want to be me, the real me, but I need to feel something. Anything.

Anyway, sorry for the self loathing. If any of this strikes a chord with any one and they've managed to turn things around I'd love some pointers. I have spoken to people. I nearly killed myself last year and realised I needed to do something. But talking isn't that helpful when deep down you don't have the motivation to change things (or don't know how to, at least).
Thanks x

One of the cruelest aspects of mental health conditions is the feeling that you are the only one to feel that way.
It is clear from this thread alone that people experience mental health conditions in different ways but, we are in this together.
It took me decades to understand why I saw the world in a different way to others, to stop trying to conform and to be authentic.
The thing that has brought me most comfort has been learning strategies to cope with my mental health with others who also suffer. I can highly recommend the (free) courses offered by Sussex Recovery College where I learned that I am not alone and that you have to be compassionate towards yourself as a first step to showing compassion for others.
Different therapies and/or medications work for different people so keep trying until you find what works for you.
We are all just muddling through life the best we can.
 




The Fits

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2020
9,534
One of the cruelest aspects of mental health conditions is the feeling that you are the only one to feel that way.
It is clear from this thread alone that people experience mental health conditions in different ways but, we are in this together.
It took me decades to understand why I saw the world in a different way to others, to stop trying to conform and to be authentic.
The thing that has brought me most comfort has been learning strategies to cope with my mental health with others who also suffer. I can highly recommend the (free) courses offered by Sussex Recovery College where I learned that I am not alone and that you have to be compassionate towards yourself as a first step to showing compassion for others.
Different therapies and/or medications work for different people so keep trying until you find what works for you.
We are all just muddling through life the best we can.

Thanks.
Yes I think i need to be more proactive in this. I need to be more honest with myself, and to explore my options in terms of support.
I read what every one else has written and just feel like I'm being precious. I don't know what it is. I just dismiss myself. I'm so sympathetic to others- friends, every one really. But I almost feel like I don't deserve any help, if that makes sense, like i am a nuisance- in fact I've said to be over the last year 'the NHS have got enough to deal with without my whinging'. Stupid really.
 


MTSeagulls

Well-known member
Sep 18, 2019
732
Blimey, my little addition doesn't seem worthy in comparison to recent posts.
I just feel a bit crap. Don't want to do anything, can't sleep, have no interests other than drinking and the odd dark thought for no real specific reasons.
Got some over the counter stuff at a pharmacy today that might help.
That's all really.
 


BlockDpete

Well-known member
Oct 8, 2005
1,143
I've had experience of mental health issues, especially after a number of relationship break ups.

I've been on anti depressants and been on CBT course.

I've found what has helped is recognising that we all have a mental health ,in exactly the same way we have a physical health. It's important to look after both.

I think the toughest part of lockdown ,especially this current one, is the lack of the usual things to look forward to. Getting out with friends, going to football, gig, holidays etc. Life in lockdown does seem to be very dull, in that every weekend seems the same.

I've found getting out running is the one way break up the long hours of being stuck indoors.
 




FIVESTEPS

Well-known member
Nov 3, 2014
357
Evaluating the people around you and deciding if they are good or bad for your mental health.I decided to cut toxic people out of my life realising no matter what I did I couldn't win and there would always be barbed comments.Sadly this may involve even parents,for me it was siblings.Doesnt have to be a fallout just a distancing.
 


The Fits

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2020
9,534
Evaluating the people around you and deciding if they are good or bad for your mental health.I decided to cut toxic people out of my life realising no matter what I did I couldn't win and there would always be barbed comments.Sadly this may involve even parents,for me it was siblings.Doesnt have to be a fallout just a distancing.

Defintely. Not people who are just overtly 'bad' either or 'neggers'. I've found that a lot of people are facilitators. They almost sense out vulnerable people. Occasionally I have kind of sobered up, looked around me and just thought 'what the **** am i doing here, who are these people'?
 


Brighton Rocker

Active member
Jul 16, 2011
114
TN 21
Reflections on that Meghan interview
I am a lifelong republican and do not read the tabloids but, watched the interview to see what all the fuss was about and what part mental health played in the saga.
The stigma and self stigma around mental health is sadly a major issue in the Firm. We have known for a long time that feelings are something to be ashamed of amongst the royals but, it made me angry that Meghan was made to feel ashamed of her mental health crisis and Harry was too ashamed to insist on help for Meghan.
I have seen on social media some comments along the lines of ‘what has someone with such a privileged life got to be depressed about’. This sadly is quite a common view amongst people who don’t understand mental illness. Of course if you live in poverty, have a disability or a physical illness, you may well also have mental health issues but, you don’t have to earn the right to have poor mental health.
It’s an illness just like cancer and nobody would say your too privileged to have cancer although you can afford the best treatment.
The royals support a number of mental health charities and William has done good work at the FA raising awareness of mental health in players (what have they got to be miserable about!) but, they can’t face up to it in their family.
 




Brighton Rocker

Active member
Jul 16, 2011
114
TN 21
Nice one. That's mint about your sons.

If any use...

Four Direction: https://mankindprojectuki.org/calendar/four-directions-menscircle-j9wne-jykjy
GIve us a Shout (bit of a hidden gem in my ****wit opinion): https://giveusashout.org/get-help/
Magnificent Man: https://www.facebook.com/groups/MagnificentManProject/
Black Dog Runners: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1662818697330421/
Tough Cookie is going to be good: http://www.tough-cookie.co.uk/
NRT have some really brilliant people doing stuff for skint mentalists: https://www.newroadpsychotherapy.com/low-cost

And then some that are probably either too specific or not specific enough...

Mindsprings, Free Buddhist Audio, CCF

Thanks for the links. For reference I have added them to the Facebook group here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/318205256317320/?ref=share
 


Swansman

Pro-peace
May 13, 2019
22,320
Sweden
problemss.jpg

problemss2.jpg

I got 99 problems but OCD aint one
 






Tom Hark Preston Park

Will Post For Cash
Jul 6, 2003
70,161

FFS [MENTION=38333]Swansman[/MENTION] :ffsparr:

I know we have our Potter-related differences on here, but seriously mate, if that is indeed a snapshot of Chez Swansman then a wee bit of outside help may be beneficial at this point. Last room I saw like that belonged to a very good friend of mine. Like you, super-smart and a decent guy. I'd trust him with my kids. And indeed did. But he was a smackhead. That room is not a good look mate. Resembles a crack den more than anything. Wishing you all good things and an earlydoors Easyjet flight to LGW to watch BHAFC. Take care mate, funnily enough many of us value your presence
 




Brighton Rocker

Active member
Jul 16, 2011
114
TN 21
Nature and/or Nurture

Are some of us born with a susceptibility to poor mental health and what part is played by the shit that just happens to us?
I have lived in fear of an acute episode since my dad took his life 30 years ago. I have always tried to remember that I have genes from both of my parents so, inheriting the mental health gene is not guaranteed. Having said that, neither of my sisters appear to be susceptible even though they have had their fare share of shit to deal with.
I believe I also inherited dyslexia from my dad which played a significant part in my experience growing up. Of my four sons, two have poor mental health and a third is dyslexic.
What has been your experience?
 


Mr Banana

Tedious chump
Aug 8, 2005
5,482
Standing in the way of control
Are some of us born with a susceptibility to poor mental health and what part is played by the shit that just happens to us?
I have lived in fear of an acute episode since my dad took his life 30 years ago. I have always tried to remember that I have genes from both of my parents so, inheriting the mental health gene is not guaranteed. Having said that, neither of my sisters appear to be susceptible even though they have had their fare share of shit to deal with.
I believe I also inherited dyslexia from my dad which played a significant part in my experience growing up. Of my four sons, two have poor mental health and a third is dyslexic.
What has been your experience?

Very sorry to read that, what a thing to have to go through. I guess that would depend on whether your dad did it because of circumstances or an inherited condition?

There are strong links in a number of decent studies and I know from my own and others' experiences that susceptibility, at least, is inherited. So that becomes a bit of a timebomb that you have to try to manage as best you can, really....
 




Ethelwulf

Well-known member
Apr 6, 2020
2,041
West Worthing
Again big thank you to the many pms off support and sharing means a lot.

Have tried not to post as much on here recently and have come to realise that no matter how bad it gets their is always some one worse off

The legal thing I was worried about has been resolved in my favour thank God and even though my right shoulder cuff is torn I have not signed on and I started a new job fundraising for Chestnut Tree house this week
Giving something back If I can.

I be in Littlehampton town centre being trained to fund raise Thursday and Friday so If your about pop up and say Hi

And like I said before a big thank you some of the pms I was sent meant so much and really helped. And to the people that have reached out to me for support via PM I hope that I have helped

Up the Albion
 




Albion and Premier League latest from Sky Sports


Top
Link Here