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[Albion] The Football Yips



Hugo Rune

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Feb 23, 2012
21,495
Brighton
Our season was determined during the Utd home match. An 8-1 win turned 2-3 defeat. The players have never recovered their confidence or composure in front of goal.

An insidious, unrelenting and highly transmissible disease struck our dressing room that day. It ripped through the entire squad effecting the likes of Dunk, Webster & Burn. It has spread through our midfield with players like Groß, Bissouma, March & Mac Allister falling foul. It has decimated our forward line with folk such as Maupay, Trossard, Welbeck & Connolly being victims of the severe cases.

Our squad has been decimated by the football yips. It’s a collective contamination. Only Veltman appears to be immune. No one can score anymore, it has spread to officials who will do their utmost to stop us scoring too.

I think any Striker we purchased in the summer would have gone down with this.

We’re ****ed unless we get the vaccine.

The vaccine is goals, and lots of them.

We’re going to be relegated if the team don’t recover as our only current chance of points is 0-0 draws.

If we have a game that yields some good luck with say, a deflected goal, a VAR that goes our way, a keeper who doesn’t have his best game this season, an own goal maybe? If we have a game like this and score a hatful, I think we’ll be cured of the football yips. The only other option would be to sack the entire squad (Veltman & Sanchez aside). Until then, we’re headed for very very dark times my friends.

The Football Yips is contributing to the following EPL ‘firsts’ or ‘records’.

- Woodwork hit 3 times by one player in an EPL match.

- Woodwork hit 5 times in an EPL match.

- A goal conceded after the final whistle.

- Two missed penalties hitting the woodwork in one EPL match.

- A goal being ruled out after the ref has blown the whistle to begin play again for the first time in the EPL.

What more extraordinary record can we grab this season? Most EPL draws could be in reach but Fulham are proving a good rival for this title.
 






Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
31,722
Brighton
If we stay up, but next season just looks like being the same again, then I will genuinely want us to go down.

This season has been absolute torture, I can't keep doing it. Not good for my mental health. I am half joking.
 


Simster

"the man's an arse"
Jul 7, 2003
54,110
Surrey
It's not football yips, it's the fact that we play in a SHIT kit.

Bin it off, replace with proper stripes, goals will flow. It's that simple.
 




blue-shifted

Banned
Feb 20, 2004
7,645
a galaxy far far away
It's not football yips, it's the fact that we play in a SHIT kit.

Bin it off, replace with proper stripes, goals will flow. It's that simple.

Our away form has been OK now I think about it
 


Icy Gull

Back on the rollercoaster
Jul 5, 2003
72,015
Anyone bored with watching the Albion?
 


pasty

A different kind of pasty
Jul 5, 2003
30,178
West, West, West Sussex
It's not football yips, it's the fact that we play in a SHIT kit.

Bin it off, replace with proper stripes, goals will flow. It's that simple.

Absolutely this. Tempting fate ditching the traditional stripes in our 4th consecutive season in the top flight. Shame this time we don't have a cup final to look forward to.
 




S'hampton Seagull

Well-known member
Oct 12, 2003
6,802
Southampton
If we stay up, but next season just looks like being the same again, then I will genuinely want us to go down.

This season has been absolute torture, I can't keep doing it. Not good for my mental health. I am half joking.

Totally this. It would be so much easier to take if the whole team was crap.
 


BBassic

I changed this.
Jul 28, 2011
12,219
Anyone bored with watching the Albion?

I think I'm bored with football generally at the moment.

It's got to be something to do with every match being on telly. Usually, in the before times, you'd get a few games a week on telly but now it's almost inescapable. A game every other night. Or it feels that way.

Is there such a thing as too much football?
 










dejavuatbtn

Well-known member
Aug 4, 2010
7,128
Henfield
Absolutely this. Tempting fate ditching the traditional stripes in our 4th consecutive season in the top flight. Shame this time we don't have a cup final to look forward to.

The stripes aren’t even WHITE! Must have been a suggestion made by someone who has no idea of the history of the club and it somehow got approved. I do like the proper stripes and just because the sponsor’s name doesn’t show up so well should not have been a reason to ditch them.
 




Weststander

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Aug 25, 2011
63,371
Withdean area
Anyone bored with watching the Albion?

Well, it’s not as great as some might contend, ManC-esque.

Instead, a mixed picture of extremities. On the front foot and outstanding against Spuds, Leeds and Villa. NOT riding our luck, outplaying their near full strength teams from start to finish.

Contrast to gifting an opener header to a tall player (oh so predictable), then lots of possession, opponents sitting back in huge numbers and frustratingly, awful decision making in and around opponents boxes. Overhit passes, zero calmness of mind when faced with the net, crosses straight into the hands of goalies.
 


Icy Gull

Back on the rollercoaster
Jul 5, 2003
72,015
Well, it’s not as great as some might contend, ManC-esque.

Instead, a mixed picture of extremities. On the front foot and outstanding against Spuds, Leeds and Villa. NOT riding our luck, outplaying their near full strength teams from start to finish.

Contrast to gifting an opener header to a tall player (oh so predictable), then lots of possession, opponents sitting back in huge numbers and frustratingly, awful decision making in and around opponents boxes. Overhit passes, zero calmness of mind when faced with the net, crosses straight into the hands of goalies.

Are you confusing the word “boring” with “frustrating” by any chance? :lolol:
 








Icy Gull

Back on the rollercoaster
Jul 5, 2003
72,015
Two words, at the time, cover your ears:

Pissed off.

Story of a large number of games over many years but this year tops the frustration charts by a country mile
 


A1X

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Sep 1, 2017
17,517
Deepest, darkest Sussex
Anyone bored with watching the Albion?

In a way, I would sort of like us to be a bit more unpredictable than knowing what was going to happen before every game (we'll have somewhere between 50-75% possession, plenty of shots but very few on target and probably not win).
 



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