Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊

Register Log in

[News] Breaking Wind



CheeseRolls

CheeseRolls

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jan 27, 2009
5,951
Shoreham Beach
Well? Who do you imagine is the most flatulent poster on NSC?

Who regularly lets rip with the biggest load of old guff on NSC?

Who really stinks the place out?

Poll to follow (Not really)
 




Motogull

Motogull

Todd Warrior
Sep 16, 2005
9,849
I can't answer the question other than to comment that an awful lot of threads seem to be inspired by a follow through.
 




A

A mex eyecan

Well-known member
Nov 3, 2011
3,309
i can be very, however my bodily guffs are mainly dependent upon our relegation candidates results
 


Pevenseagull

Pevenseagull

Anti-greed coalition
Jul 20, 2003
19,614
I recently discovered the wonders of asafoetida as a spice in homemade curries.

It's effect on me is akin to a performance enhancing drug with regards matters guff.I

I might have to stop using it as I miss having a good fart.
 












H

Hampster Gull

New member
Dec 22, 2010
13,462
Ive had a curry and a couple of cans of Heineken 0.0 tonight and i suspect i would be top of this evenings form table
 


jevs

jevs

Well-known member
Mar 24, 2004
4,343
Preston Rock Garden
Isn't it wonderful that at the ripe old age of 54, I still find anything slightly fart related is hilarious. Even the word Fart can make me laugh when used after a few beers in the company of mates
 


Eeyore

Eeyore

Colonel Hee-Haw of Queen's Park
NSC Patron
Apr 5, 2014
23,538
jevs said:
Isn't it wonderful that at the ripe old age of 54, I still find anything slightly fart related is hilarious. Even the word Fart can make me laugh when used after a few beers in the company of mates
Click to expand...

I still laugh every time I think of the squeaky one I let out during prayers at assembly 40 years ago.

Well worth a detention was that.
 




El Presidente

El Presidente

The ONLY Gay in Brighton
Helpful Moderator
Jul 5, 2003
39,707
Pattknull med Haksprut
What I don’t understand is that, especially during lockdown, I’m eating exactly the same food as Mrs EP. However, when I let one rip the smell could kill.a canary in a cage 100 metres away, whereas if she steps on a duck there’s no whiff.

Explain that one boffins.
 




Taybha

Taybha

Whalewhine
Oct 8, 2008
27,179
Uwantsumorwat
El Presidente said:
What I don’t understand is that, especially during lockdown, I’m eating exactly the same food as Mrs EP. However, when I let one rip the smell could kill.a canary in a cage 100 metres away, whereas if she steps on a duck there’s no whiff.

Explain that one boffins.
Click to expand...

They have a special cream for it , if you can be arsed to hunt through her 80 pots of different lotions potions and creams in the bathroom cabinet , that's the thing in the bathroom that your not allowed to put your bottle of Lynx Africa in , there WILL be a item with no label , that undoubtedly will be the Gucci Arse number 7 anti honk cream .
 






Gabbafella

Gabbafella

Well-known member
Aug 22, 2012
4,683
My Mrs often tells me there is something wrong with me. I don't just fart, it's literally from the second I open my eyes in the morning until I fall asleep again at night, and I probably fart in my sleep too. There's something dead in my anus, it's been there for years.
Usually they don't smell, but after a few beers or usually pasta, they smell like rotten eggs.
My most memorable fart was in a lift in Latvia, dropped my handbag around the third floor and stood in front of the buttons. The smell was horrific, like death and throw up. My dad, uncle and mate were all scrambling for the buttons. 15 floors later and the doors opened, a group of tarted up young ladies exiting the bar we've just arrived at are greeted by 4 grown men fighting and a stench that could gag a maggot.
 




Westdene Seagull

Westdene Seagull

aka Cap'n Carl Firecrotch
NSC Patron
Oct 27, 2003
21,005
The arse end of Hangleton
I opened this thread in the hope that it was about a follow up series to Breaking Bad.

For the record - my farts smell of roses - no roses you'd ever want to grow but roses nether the less.
 




M

Mo Gosfield

Well-known member
Aug 11, 2010
6,284
El Presidente said:
What I don’t understand is that, especially during lockdown, I’m eating exactly the same food as Mrs EP. However, when I let one rip the smell could kill.a canary in a cage 100 metres away, whereas if she steps on a duck there’s no whiff.

Explain that one boffins.
Click to expand...


Well not exactly a boffin but I am led to believe that it is due to men having a faster metabolism than women. Men, with different muscle mass, burn through fat reserves more quickly, using more energy for activity and storing less fat. Coupled with higher amounts of testosterone, which helps to burn more calories and creates a quicker metabolism. Women are predisposed to store energy for certain activities, pregnancy, breast feeding etc and burn less fat.
So, it looks like we men pass our intake more quickly and hence there is more ' gas ' to come out, more quickly. I know that I ' dump ' far more regularly than any woman I have ever known. Used to work with one, who was lucky to go once every 4-5 days. The women can let theirs out much more slowly, quietly and a damn site less smelly.
 


Questions

Questions

Habitual User
Oct 18, 2006
24,877
Worthing
El Presidente said:
What I don’t understand is that, especially during lockdown, I’m eating exactly the same food as Mrs EP. However, when I let one rip the smell could kill.a canary in a cage 100 metres away, whereas if she steps on a duck there’s no whiff.

Explain that one boffins.
Click to expand...

Many years ago when it was acceptable to club a woman and drag her back to your hovel (1970’s)
being able to fart and leave a smell that you could cut with a flint axe was important to ward off rival males.
 


You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page

Albion and Premier League latest from Sky Sports


Top
Link Here