[Humour] Joke de Jour

AmexRuislip

Trainee Spy 🕵️‍♂️

Feb 2, 2014

33,861

Ruislip

• Dec 25, 2020

• #1

Santa was a bit tardy with his rounds overnight and Northumbria police finally managed to catch up with him at the village of Pity Me. He was apprehended as requested by a European arrest warrant on a variety of charges.. He is a serial offender as far as data legislation goes, keeping long lists of data about every ‘customer’, without their permission, is currently against EU law. He drinks and drives, he has no lights in his vehicle, he exceeds the speed limit and he takes livestock across national borders. He is so fat that he damages chimneys so is guilty of breaking and entering. He breaks flying regulations, entering no fly zones and reckless low altitude flight. He was nicked before he could visit my house so I hope they lock obese **** up and throw the keys away.

PS, I nearly forgot, Happy Christmas everyone.

 

Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabadoo

Waxing chumps like candles since ‘75

Oct 4, 2003

11,131

• Dec 25, 2020

• #2

Durham Constabulary have responsibility for policing the village of Pity Me so the Northumbrian force have over stepped their mark here. I’m sure Santa’s legal team will have him released without charge forthwith.

 

B

Bodian

Well-known member

May 3, 2012

11,923

Cumbria

• Dec 25, 2020

• #3

He's also been taking his reindeer between the various Tiers - expressly prohibited at the moment. However, he's pleaded the case that the restrictions don't apply to his reindeer as they have herd immunity.

 

B

Bombadier Botty

Complete Twaddle

Jun 2, 2008

3,258

• Dec 25, 2020

• #4

Tldr. Do people not realise this is the Internet age and that attention spans have been reduced to zero by the instant gratification the brain has become used to?

Squeeze the gag into 5 words or less or don’t bother.

 

Jack Straw

I look nothing like him!

Jul 7, 2003

6,893

Brighton. NOT KEMPTOWN!

• Dec 25, 2020

• #5

I thought this was a joke, but I've just searched Google maps for the village of Pity Me, and ***k me, it exists!

 

drew

Drew

Oct 3, 2006

23,073

Burgess Hill

• Dec 25, 2020

• #6

Bombadier Botty said:

Tldr. Do people not realise this is the Internet age and that attention spans have been reduced to zero by the instant gratification the brain has become used to?

Squeeze the gag into 5 words or less or don’t bother.

Click to expand...

Brevity is key, your post is too long.

 

South Stand Bonfire

Who lit that match then?

NSC Patron

Jan 24, 2009

2,209

Shoreham-a-la-mer

• Dec 25, 2020

• #7

As there hasn’t been a joke du jour today, I’ll think I’ll just go and prepare some Cheeses of Nazareth to have with my coffee and biscuits tonight.