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[Help] Marriage Split



LamieRobertson

LamieRobertson

Not awoke
Feb 3, 2008
46,925
SHOREHAM BY SEA
For the future avoid this thread for starters

https://www.northstandchat.com/showthread.php?382978-On-line-dating-for-the-50-somethings

On a serious note i wish you all the best ...as a few posts have said their is life afterwards...although right now it might not seem like it...I guess like most things dont let your mind look too far ahead...i cant be any help with the legalities....my ex and I have never got round to the divorce bit ...ive been separated quite a few years ..and still maintain a good friendship, it is possible ..but i guess down to individual circumstances.

Take care
 




jackanada

jackanada

Well-known member
Jul 19, 2011
3,178
Brighton
Good luck.
Due to the indication your wife is bad with money and probably unrealistic about it too, I would try I'd possible (it may well not be) to split your negotiations with her up.
First get ALL the arrangements to do with the kids sorted. Then not only you do have a better basis to work out what is financially fair and it's harder for her to potentially play games when you have "whats best for the kids" agreed in black and white
 


Baldseagull

Baldseagull

Well-known member
Jan 26, 2012
10,993
Crawley
Alba Badger said:
Hello All. Help needed from the vast experience on here. Looks like me and Mrs Badger are splitting up. We have 2 kids, mortgage etc. I pay for most stuff but she does have a pretty well paid part time job but she's not great with money.

I wanted to know if anyone has any advice on where to start with all this, pit falls to avoid etc... I have listed all my incomings outgoings etc. so I know where I am. I have offered to a fair amount more than the child support calculator says I would have to for my kids each month but My Mrs seems to think I should pay more. She wants to do something called Collaborative Family Law rather than mediation. We are being reasonable enough but I think she could turn nasty if she doesn’t get what she wants. I want to keep trying but she’s adamant that we split, I feel a bit lost, help please.
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Sorry this is happening to you. If things get sticky, remind her that you didn't want this and you are trying your best to accommodate her wishes.
 




N

NooBHA

Well-known member
Jan 13, 2015
8,586
Avoid Lawyers if possible.

You only have to look at all the Footballers who are Bankrupt. They all have a couple of Divorces or relationship break ups behind them.

Running 2 households as opposed to one in the future will be an expensive culture shock to you both. So anything you can avoid in Solicitors Fees now you will be able to put towards supporting yourselves and the kids further down the line.
 






Hamilton

Hamilton

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
12,518
Brighton
Alba Badger said:
Hello All. Help needed from the vast experience on here. Looks like me and Mrs Badger are splitting up. We have 2 kids, mortgage etc. I pay for most stuff but she does have a pretty well paid part time job but she's not great with money.

I wanted to know if anyone has any advice on where to start with all this, pit falls to avoid etc... I have listed all my incomings outgoings etc. so I know where I am. I have offered to a fair amount more than the child support calculator says I would have to for my kids each month but My Mrs seems to think I should pay more. She wants to do something called Collaborative Family Law rather than mediation. We are being reasonable enough but I think she could turn nasty if she doesn’t get what she wants. I want to keep trying but she’s adamant that we split, I feel a bit lost, help please.
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Use remediation. Do not let the lawyers get involved in controlling the dialogue.

Keep talking.
 


A

Arthritic Toe

Well-known member
Nov 25, 2005
2,402
Swindon
NooBHA said:
Avoid Lawyers if possible.
Click to expand...

I second that. Lawyers will look to create conflict where there is none. The first thing they do is sit you down and do a rough assessment of your financial position. The sole purpose of this is to identify the pot of money that they and the other party's solicitor will look to split between them at the end of the process. They will then carefully manage the conflict, so it uses up that pot of money. Strictly business - they have no interest in you whatsoever.

The best way to handle it is to do lots of research to try and get to the settlement that is fair on both parties - the one that an independent judge would come up with. There's lots of information out there to help you get to that position. You could use one of the mediation services to help with that if you are struggling to agree it between both parties (personally - I didn't find them much use, but I know of others who have had a good experience).

When and if you manage to get that agreement, you can formalise it in a consent order. I used Wikivorce (someone else has already mentioned them), which is a fully online service for a fixed price, and were great.

Sorry to hear - btw.
 




Saladpack Seagull

Saladpack Seagull

Just Shut Up and Paddle
Oct 19, 2014
1,912
Halfway Up Virginia Is Where I Wanna Be.
peterward said:
I tried relate counselling before divorce because my mum said I should at least try. Personally found it a load of psycho babble.

Relate to me. Tell your wife what youre thinking now.

Me...... say what your thinking

Relate to ex wife. And how does that make you feel.

Ex wife. Says what she wants

Relate to me. And how do you feel about what your ex wife just said

And continue ad nauseum

Like a verbal tennis umpire, really didn't do anything for me personally.
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Nor me. Went through this scenario in '83 and I ended up hitting the (female) counsellor (BY ACCIDENT!) when I was waving my arms about in sheer frustration at her input. Not great, and we ended up splitting anyway. The good news for anyone in this position is that it does get better and being married to the current Mrs Saladpack for 28 years has been well worth all the heartache involved in the first split and its aftermath. Right at the start of the process it's hard to see any kind of bright future, but trust me, it's there some way down the line, you just can't see it at the moment. Really sorry to hear your news, Alba; in the long run I reckon you'll be fine, mate. There's been some good advice on this thread - trust NSC to show its human face when called upon to do so!
 


Tom Hark Preston Park

Tom Hark Preston Park

Will Post For Cash
Jul 6, 2003
70,431
nwgull said:
14 years ago - see post 28. I don't hide anything about it as, despite sounding a bit of a cliche, it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me as it really motivated me to succeed at work and in life in general, which I have done.

I did see your reply before you edited, and yes it was unnecessarily personal and a bit of an odd thing to have written seeing as you've been through the same.
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You mean like the way you called me a prick the other day for expressing an opinion - in a game that is all about opinions - that didn't necessarily coincide with your own opinion on a particular topic. Snide cvnt
 


nwgull

nwgull

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2003
13,866
Manchester
Tom Hark said:
You mean like the way you called me a prick the other day for expressing an opinion - in a game that is all about opinions - that didn't necessarily coincide with your own opinion on a particular topic. Snide cvnt
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I said it was strange because the bloke made an implied piss-take about the fact that I'd had a failed marriage 14 years ago. I found it strange for him to go down this personal route because he himself had had two failed marriages. To his credit he retracted.
 




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