[Football] With apologies to Douglas Adams...

... it occurs to me that the names of some opposition players who have graced the Amex this season could be put to better use. So I offer you ten to start with:

Guendouzi (Noun) A player so easily wound up it becomes pointless letting them step onto the pitch
Grealish (Adjective) More likely to look in the mirror than at the cars parked either side of you
Digne (Noun) The act of undoing your all team’s efforts by scoring a late own goal
Pukki (Verb) To overindulge during the festive season and be a total liability thereafter
Lanzini (Noun) A player who values his prestige car collection over his obligations to his club
McBurnie (Noun) A player notoriously unemployable by fast food outlets
Solanke (Adjective) Having all the attributes required to score goals without ever doing so (antonym of Wood ‘n Barnes)
Vestergaard (Noun) A Southampton port authority lookout station disguised as a defender
Wood ‘n’ Barnes (Adjective) Having the dexterity and mobility of farm outbuildings but still good for 20 goals a season (antonym of Solanke)
Zaha (Verb) To take precisely as long to recover from a tackle as it takes your teammates to regain possession and give the ball back to you

Over to you, NSC.

North London Keeper (verb) - to collapse in immense pain at the south end of something. "Where's Reg?" "Oh he's been totally North London Keepered by that cement you made him unload at the south annexe"

Ndombole (noun) - something expensive you bought that is occasionally ****ing useless. (see also Fred)

By the way my favourite Douglas Adams town or village definition ever was Southwick - "a left handed W@anker"

Pozzo (noun) A mistake of catastrophic proportion. I thought I'd enough room to drive through but made a right pozzo of it

Roberto (noun) A clumsy oaf. See that waiter with the drinks? He's a bit of a roberto so I doubt he'll make it here without dropping them

Fraser (verb) To let friends down badly. I was meant to be meeting my mate in town so he could lend me money but he didn't show and I'm totally frasered now

Benteke (noun)- entering the home, pretending to be useful, but just stealing money. Thought to have derived from Been Taking. The nanny was liked by the kids but she was just a Benteke.

Deansmith (noun) - someone who cannot see any fault in themselves and as a result, blames everyone else

A Selhurst Park (n.) - a half empty place bereft of joy, entertainment or sentience.

'Bloody Hell Mother Theresa, it's like Selhurst Park down there'