[Humour] Joke Du Jour

TomandJerry · Mar 26, 2020

"Plane with 5 passengers on board: Donald Trump, the Pope, Dr Anthony Fauci , Hillary Clinton, and a ten year old school girl. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Dr Fauci says “I need one. I have to help develop a cure for the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He takes one and jumps.

The pope says “I need one, I have to help spiritually guide people through the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He takes one and jumps.

Trump says ‘‘I need one, I’m the smartest man in the USA.” He takes one and jumps.

Then Hillary says to the ten year old "you can have the last parachute. I've lived my life. Yours is only starting."

The 10 year old says "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left. The smartest man in the USA took my school bag.".

Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

Is it PotG? · Mar 26, 2020

Was this to a country with no flying restrictions?

Bry Nylon · Mar 26, 2020

Why wasn't Donald Trump on Airforce One?

Makes no sense :shrug:

Lindfield by the Pond · Mar 26, 2020

Seems a little improbable that so many world VIP's are on one plane, and that plane even holds parachutes!!! Think this is fake news.

Acker79 · Mar 26, 2020

Lindfield by the Pond said:
Seems a little improbable that so many world VIP's are on one plane, and that plane even holds parachutes!!! Think this is fake news.

Or that they are the only five on the plane. No way POTUS doesn't travel without secret service, I expect the same for the others.

GT49er · Mar 26, 2020

Same old joke, different personnel!

The Andy Naylor Fan Club · Mar 26, 2020

A queue of elderly and NHS staff had formed at the doors of a supermarket around 7:45 to get in for the early opening.
A young man appeared from the car park and immediately made his way to the front of the queue where he was attacked by an old lady with her walking stick. He rolled away from attack, gathered himself and again went towards the front of the queue, this time an elderly gentleman landed a punch right in the chaps midriff and winded him quite badly. About a minute later the young man stood up and declared "If you want to go in and do your shopping then you're going to have to let me open the bloomin doors!"

Dick Swiveller · Mar 26, 2020

The Andy Naylor Fan Club said:
A queue of elderly and NHS staff had formed at the doors of a supermarket around 7:45 to get in for the early opening.
A young man appeared from the car park and immediately made his way to the front of the queue where he was attacked by an old lady with her walking stick. He rolled away from attack, gathered himself and again went towards the front of the queue, this time an elderly gentleman landed a punch right in the chaps midriff and winded him quite badly. About a minute later the young man stood up and declared "If you want to go in and do your shopping then you're going to have to let me open the bloomin doors!"

Think the supermarket need to review their policy. The keyholder lets himself in via the front door, thus allowing members of the public to enter the store with no other staff in? Is he a qualified first aider as these are old people we are dealing with? I am guessing he will be sent on a customer awareness course as swearing at customers, no matter how mild, is generally frowned upon. If they had a staff entrance and allowed staff to enter the building before violent old people, they could have had security in place to stop this brutal assault.

Lindfield by the Pond · Mar 26, 2020

Acker79 said:
Or that they are the only five on the plane. No way POTUS doesn't travel without secret service, I expect the same for the others.

If they are the only five in plane, then who is flying? Do we accept the premise that one is a pilot? One assumes it's a small plane, as there are only 5 on board - so who would be the pilot?
Can't be the kid, as there is no way 4 other VIP's would fly with a 10yr old at helm.
Can't be the Pope, as just seen him doing a virtual mass on tele
Can't be the Don, as no way the others would get in with him in charge, even if the Don said he was the biggest and greatest pilot in the whole wide world, and he tends to fly by the seat of his pants anyway
Can't be Dr Fauci, as he is in lockdown.

Clinton - only suspect, not heard about her flying credentials, so maybe, but feels innately unlikely.

This has to be fake news - just can't believe it

TomandJerry · Mar 26, 2020

Lindfield by the Pond said:
If they are the only five in plane, then who is flying? Do we accept the premise that one is a pilot? One assumes it's a small plane, as there are only 5 on board - so who would be the pilot?
Can't be the kid, as there is no way 4 other VIP's would fly with a 10yr old at helm.
Can't be the Pope, as just seen him doing a virtual mass on tele
Can't be the Don, as no way the others would get in with him in charge, even if the Don said he was the biggest and greatest pilot in the whole wide world, and he tends to fly by the seat of his pants anyway
Can't be Dr Fauci, as he is in lockdown.

Clinton - only suspect, not heard about her flying credentials, so maybe, but feels innately unlikely.

This has to be fake news - just can't believe it

There are only 5 passengers on board. So the pilot isn't included in the number of passengers.

Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

Mackenzie · Mar 26, 2020

I hope the young fella reports the two assaults to the police, I know these are stressful times but shop workers shouldn’t have to put up with this type of disgraceful behaviour. Absolute scum.

Lindfield by the Pond · Mar 26, 2020

Mackenzie said:
I hope the young fella reports the two assaults to the police, I know these are stressful times but shop workers shouldn’t have to put up with this type of disgraceful behaviour. Absolute scum.

Agreed - no excuse.

Eeyore · Mar 26, 2020

How do we know that Trump didn't take the school bag and also put a parachute on ? Had they checked the number of remaining parachutes first ?

TomandJerry · Mar 26, 2020

Brighton Lines said:
How do we know that Trump didn't take the school bag and also put a parachute on ? Had they checked the number of remaining parachutes first ?

Read the post. After three left the plane there were only 2 parachutes remaining

Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

Jack Straw · Mar 26, 2020

Do planes now-a-days have parachutes? I thought if the worst came to the worst, you put your life-jacket on, assumed the crash position and hoped for the best? How old was this plane? I'm beginning to think there's something amiss somewhere here.

Eeyore · Mar 26, 2020

TomandJerry said:
Read the post. After three left the plane there were only 2 parachutes remaining

Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

But it may have been one. There could have been a mere assumption about Trump not taking one.

Seriously, I'd check first. The kid could be making an error here.

nickjhs · Mar 26, 2020

Shouldn't that be La blague du jour?

Questions · Mar 26, 2020

What was the in-flight movie ? Not enough detail here for me.

Winker · Mar 26, 2020

How would any of these people know how to put on or use a parachute?
If it was a jet aircraft flying at high altitude then it is unlikely anyone would survive anyway.

drew · Mar 26, 2020

Lindfield by the Pond said:
If they are the only five in plane, then who is flying? Do we accept the premise that one is a pilot? One assumes it's a small plane, as there are only 5 on board - so who would be the pilot?
Can't be the kid, as there is no way 4 other VIP's would fly with a 10yr old at helm.
Can't be the Pope, as just seen him doing a virtual mass on tele
Can't be the Don, as no way the others would get in with him in charge, even if the Don said he was the biggest and greatest pilot in the whole wide world, and he tends to fly by the seat of his pants anyway
Can't be Dr Fauci, as he is in lockdown.

Clinton - only suspect, not heard about her flying credentials, so maybe, but feels innately unlikely.

This has to be fake news - just can't believe it

Trump would be flying, why wouldn't he, he's an expert in everything else.

Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊

[Humour] Joke Du Jour

Well-known member

Thrifty non-licker

Test your smoke alarm

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Old Brightonian

Well-known member

Colonel Hee-Haw of Queen's Park

Well-known member

I look nothing like him!

Colonel Hee-Haw of Queen's Park

Well-known member

Habitual User

CUM ON FEEL THE NOIZE

Drew

Share this page