portlock seagull
Why? Why us?
- Jul 28, 2003
- 17,071
1. Players arms to be strapped to their bodies to put an end to controversy about whether it’s a handball or not. Of course, could get rid of VAR but that’s crazy talk even if they mess up every week.
2. Helmets, to protect players when they fall over because arms strapped to bodies (see above) with added bonus that heading can still continue as part of the sport as every player who survives into old age will otherwise die of dementia. As they all have done so far to date.
3. More money for the big clubs and shorter the season to enable “Christmas Champions”, an exciting new development for the game that makes it possible for the league to be wrapped up by 25th Dec each season, thereby negating the need for further domestic games of no merit and freeing up big clubs to play more lucrative friendly matches overseas and make more money.
4. Twinning - PL clubs should be twinned with ones in other countries to enable these to send their best players to PL academies and create exciting new marketing opportunities for the ‘mother’ PL club in return for letting the twin (lesser) club keep 1% of any revenue.
5. Var24 - perhaps controversial but to ensure ‘fairness’ and remove ‘all doubt’, why not analyse the entire game, every decision throughout, including data-driven forecasts re: possible outcomes for tackles and decisions that weren’t made but on another day...? etc etc. And then publish, (here’s the gold marketing opportunity) the definitive CORRECT and FAIR result 24hrs later having forensically analysed. Providing, obviously, Liverpool, City etc still won. But imagine the excitement of losing a game on the day but still waiting for a potential get out of jail card 24hrs later. Again, lucrative money making opportunities (e.g. first releasing to fans belonging to a prestigious subscription) could be exploited to top up players, agents and shareholders earnings ensuring they receive true market values.
6. Fans cgi-ed into matches. Again, another unexploited revenue stream waiting to be realised, fans could pay to have their faces seen at corners, throw ins, goal celebrations etc on TV by placing theirs on the body of a fan who was in actual attendance but (and here’s the clever bit) who only paid for the ticket to enter the stadium - and has NOT necessarily paid to be seen around the globe. Instead this would enable loyal supporters from Korea, Malaysia and China to be part of the match without the hassle of actually ever going. Moreover, armchair fans could be released from their brand (club) contract if their club were to e.g. fall outside of the top 6, so they can support another team.The whole thing could work using t&cs similarly to other customer service plan agreements such as owning a mobile phone or a current stadia season ticket.
There must be others?
2. Helmets, to protect players when they fall over because arms strapped to bodies (see above) with added bonus that heading can still continue as part of the sport as every player who survives into old age will otherwise die of dementia. As they all have done so far to date.
3. More money for the big clubs and shorter the season to enable “Christmas Champions”, an exciting new development for the game that makes it possible for the league to be wrapped up by 25th Dec each season, thereby negating the need for further domestic games of no merit and freeing up big clubs to play more lucrative friendly matches overseas and make more money.
4. Twinning - PL clubs should be twinned with ones in other countries to enable these to send their best players to PL academies and create exciting new marketing opportunities for the ‘mother’ PL club in return for letting the twin (lesser) club keep 1% of any revenue.
5. Var24 - perhaps controversial but to ensure ‘fairness’ and remove ‘all doubt’, why not analyse the entire game, every decision throughout, including data-driven forecasts re: possible outcomes for tackles and decisions that weren’t made but on another day...? etc etc. And then publish, (here’s the gold marketing opportunity) the definitive CORRECT and FAIR result 24hrs later having forensically analysed. Providing, obviously, Liverpool, City etc still won. But imagine the excitement of losing a game on the day but still waiting for a potential get out of jail card 24hrs later. Again, lucrative money making opportunities (e.g. first releasing to fans belonging to a prestigious subscription) could be exploited to top up players, agents and shareholders earnings ensuring they receive true market values.
6. Fans cgi-ed into matches. Again, another unexploited revenue stream waiting to be realised, fans could pay to have their faces seen at corners, throw ins, goal celebrations etc on TV by placing theirs on the body of a fan who was in actual attendance but (and here’s the clever bit) who only paid for the ticket to enter the stadium - and has NOT necessarily paid to be seen around the globe. Instead this would enable loyal supporters from Korea, Malaysia and China to be part of the match without the hassle of actually ever going. Moreover, armchair fans could be released from their brand (club) contract if their club were to e.g. fall outside of the top 6, so they can support another team.The whole thing could work using t&cs similarly to other customer service plan agreements such as owning a mobile phone or a current stadia season ticket.
There must be others?
