[Food] Cannibal Jokes, Anyone?

el punal · Jan 29, 2020

Sod it! I don’t whether these are politically incorrect or not - so if you are offended, apologies.

I went to a new cannibal restaurant. It was so expensive it cost me an arm and a leg.

I was invited to a cannibal convention where light snacks were provided - in fact it was a finger buffet.

The advertising slogan of a well known cannibal restaurant reads - “You are what you eat”.

The waiter came to my table and asked “Would you like the bill?”, I replied “No thanks, I found him rather tough last time.”

Do feel free to continue . . . . :drink:

Questions · Jan 29, 2020

Shredded feet............ now I’m out... goodnight.

Is it PotG? · Jan 29, 2020

Two cannibals eating a clown.

'This taste funny to you?'

Razzoo · Jan 29, 2020

Not cannibal but... What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip.

el punal · Jan 29, 2020

Razzoo said:
Not cannibal but... What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip.

The Andy Naylor Fan Club · Jan 29, 2020

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman go on a safari...

Along the way they run into a tribe of cannibals. The chief was a pleasant fellow, but had some unfortunate news for them.

"Gentlemen, I am sorry but I must follow the way of my people."

"Oh?" says the Englishman. "What's that?"

"Well..." the chief responds, "We will kill you, cook you, eat you, and use your skin to make a canoe. However we're not entirely uncivilized. We will let you choose the manner of your death, and perform it yourself, if you'd like."

The Scotsman steps forward first. "I will take a sword, please."

The cannibals hand him a sword. The Scotsman shouts "For Scotland!" then runs himself through with the sword.

Next the Englishman steps forward. "I'll have a pistol, chaps."

The cannibals hand him a pistol. "God save the Queen!" shouts the Englishman, and blows his brains out.

Finally the Irishman steps forward. "Gimme a fork."

The cannibals are a bit mystified, but nonetheless give him a fork. He proceeds to stab himself all over with the fork. Arms, legs, face, torso. Anywhere he can stab himself with it, he does so.

The chief is aghast. "Good Lord! What are you doing?"

The Irishman shouts, "You're not gonna make a fecking canoe outta me!"

AmexRuislip · Jan 29, 2020

Razzoo said:
Not cannibal but... What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip.

Two lepers in a restaurant, when one said to the other, can I dip my bread in your neck.

Hi, I'm Hannibal.
Please, come in and meat my family.

Did ya hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner?

He was given the cold shoulder

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend??

Wiped his ass

smillie's garden · Jan 29, 2020

I'm very concerned about the health effects of consuming factory-farmed livestock, so I eat only vegans.

Albion my Albion · Jan 29, 2020

We have Brighton and Hove Albion on the menu today. Our specials are Shane Duffy and the other is Mat Ryan.

I'm on a diet I'll have the Shane Duffy.

If you're on a diet wouldn't you want the Mat Ryan?

No to me Mat seems more Aussie while Shane Irish to eat.

Tom Hark Preston Park · Jan 29, 2020

Went to that cannibal restaurant the other day, had the snake and pygmy pie

Papak · Jan 29, 2020

el punal said:
Sod it! I don’t whether these are politically incorrect or not - so if you are offended, apologies.

I went to a new cannibal restaurant. It was so expensive it cost me an arm and a leg.

I was invited to a cannibal convention where light snacks were provided - in fact it was a finger buffet.

The advertising slogan of a well known cannibal restaurant reads - “You are what you eat”.

The waiter came to my table and asked “Would you like the bill?”, I replied “No thanks, I found him rather tough last time.”

Do feel free to continue . . . .

The 1970s just called and asked for their jokes back...

Coldeanseagull · Jan 29, 2020

Papak said:
The 1970s just called and asked for their jokes back...

I have refrained from typing the ones I know. Even the 60's would be offended by how many classes and races I could upset

RossyG · Jan 29, 2020

Here’s one from the Eighties....

A cannibal took out a small red box filled with pygmies and offered them to a guest.

GUEST: Chocolates?

CANNIBAL: Noooo. Small geezers.

For younger readers, here’s the explanation.

SollysLeftFoot · Jan 29, 2020

This is an oddly specific type of request...

RossyG · Jan 29, 2020

SollysLeftFoot said:
This is an oddly specific type of request...

Yes, I wonder what’s eating him.

Aythankyew!

Algernon · Jan 29, 2020

A cannibal out walking, passed his enemy in the jungle.

Albion my Albion · Jan 30, 2020

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

the wheelchair.

Albion my Albion · Jan 30, 2020

There was a cannibal that had a wife and ate kids.

What’s the definition of trust?

Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.

Why wont cannibals eat divorced women?

Just to Bitter.

A cannibal ate the left side of a person.
Man watching: Was there something wrong with the guy you were eating.
Cannibal: No, he was alright.

Two cannibals are sharing a lost tourist. "You start at the feet. I'll start at the head." says the first. After a little while he notices his friend hasn't said much. "You ok?" he asks.
"Fine." Comes the reply. "I'm having a ball."
"You're eating too fast."

Wardy's twin · Jan 30, 2020

Tom Hark said:
Went to that cannibal restaurant the other day, had the snake and pygmy pie

Oh FFS....

Yes Chef · Jan 30, 2020

I had a job as a human cannonball, but I soon got fired.

What?

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