[Humour] Poetic Put Downs

portlock seagull · Oct 10, 2019

Inspired by some beauties on the Brexit thread, what clean bowled insults have you heard or used that leave the other party powerless? Or, as everyone knows is as good as admitting defeat, they can only retort with **** off! Non profanity ones always deliver a harder slap IMO and more often as not the simpler, the deeper the cut.

With this in mind, and knowing NSC has some of the worlds finest at this craft, what aces do you keep in reserve for a spat of verbal judo?!

Bry Nylon · Oct 10, 2019

"It's... Rebekah Vardy's account."

clapham_gull · Oct 10, 2019

I do like to use:

I'd advise you to find something you are good at because it certainly isn't that.

Also, a good response to:

Clapham Gull, you really need to try to be a bit more [enter here].

is:

What, and be like you ?

Lastly when you are accused of backtracking, usually with the "I thought we agreed ? " simply respond "I changed my mind".

That kills it dead.

The Clamp · Oct 10, 2019

If I’m bored of an argument or disagreement I like to kill it stone dead by simply saying “you’re probably right”. Works every time.

Is it PotG? · Oct 10, 2019

The Clamp said:
If I’m bored of an argument or disagreement I like to kill it stone dead by simply saying “you’re probably right”. Works every time.

I usually am anyway.

The Clamp · Oct 10, 2019

Is it PotG? said:
I usually am anyway.

You’re probably right.

Dick Swiveller · Oct 10, 2019

I've never been to Asia
I find it odd behaviour
I'm gonna dig a grave here
Coz I practice euthanasia.

Harry Wilson's tackle · Oct 10, 2019

I once had to say to a student working in my lab "When you take a shower in the morning try standing a bit closer to the water".

Icy Gull · Oct 10, 2019

My favourite is Winston Churchill’s response to a female MP who accused him of being disgustingly drunk

'My dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.'

Perry Milkins · Oct 10, 2019

From the Santa Clause film (I think the second one not that that should matter).

"Oh, you're looking for a battle of wits, but why have you come unarmed?"

Jack Straw · Oct 10, 2019

I was with a work colleague who got in to a disagreement with a person in charge of the building we were working in. After realising he was losing the argument, this person came out with the classic, "Do you know who I am?" My colleague answered, "I don't know who you are, but I know WHAT you are." Brilliant!

maltaseagull · Oct 10, 2019

Many years ago, a friend of mine was walking in West Street when 2 skinheads came towards him and knocked into him as they passed.

One of them said to him"Do you want bovver mate?"

Apparently he looked them up and down and said " You're no bother" and waled on.

highflyer · Oct 10, 2019

Yes, of course I'm a hypocrite. But that doesn't make climate change any less real.

Seem to be using that a lot recently.

Peteinblack · Oct 10, 2019

Many, many, years ago, I had an argument with a neighbour.

As I was clearly winning, they huffed "You're the rudest person I've ever met."

To which I instantly replied: "Flattery will get you nowhere."

Peteinblack · Oct 10, 2019

Maybe a slight tangent, but I've always chuckled at Kevin Rowland's (Dexy's Midnight Runners) withering put-down of Mick Hucknall's appearance: "If I had a dog with a face like that, I'd shave its a**e and teach it to walk backwards."

Harsh, but fair - although given his subsequent fame and fortune (and success with the laydeez), I'm sure Mick couldn't have cared less.

Wellesley · Oct 10, 2019

Takes one to know one.

Whatever.

I know you are but what am I?

Oh yeah, right.

Your Mum.

Ahhh, shove it up yer arse.

Some absolute classics there, I'm sure you'll agree.

AmexRuislip · Oct 10, 2019

When talking to someone, point and say they have something on their chin.
When they try and remove said item, say not that chin, the other one......

Wellesley · Oct 10, 2019

Harry Wilson's tackle said:
I once had to say to a student working in my lab "When you take a shower in the morning try standing a bit closer to the water".

I was expecting "I'm putting you on ignore." :lolol:

Wellesley · Oct 10, 2019

AmexRuislip said:
When talking to someone, point and say they have something on their chin.
When they try and remove said item, say not that chin, the other one......

When I get a slap from my wife at dinner this evening, it'll be your fault.

Two Professors · Oct 10, 2019

You have make-up on your chin.No,not that one.......

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[Humour] Poetic Put Downs

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