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[Football] The Obvious Swansea Thread



Swansman

Pro-peace
May 13, 2019
22,320
Sweden
Hi, as you may or may not know I am some kind of Swansea fan (finding them through Potter) who will be watching all of your games this season and very likely be lurking this forum day out and day in, contributing wisedom all over this place. I'd like to cash in from this in advance by making this Swansea thread where I can keep you updated about our adventures.

So.. I'd like to start of with this little guide I wrote:

First game of the season: Win vs Hull 2-1. We looked fin but they were pretty shit.

Founded: Sometime in the late 1890s maybe. I should know this right?

From: Swansea, Wales. Never been there, but it seems nice.

Owners & economy: Jason Levien (also owner of DC United) and Steve Kaplan

Swansea was owned by local businessmen and fans until 2016 (?) when these businesspeople went behind the back of the fans and sold a majority of the club to these largely unknown Americans. The Supporters Trust, still owning 26%, hate them, the fans hate them, and probably most of our latest managers as well. Potter no exception.

And they hate the club equally much, but they need to get their investment back as they seemingly have no money. However our club over-invested while being in the Premier League and made a deficit already in the last season in the top division. This year we would back -£60m and with getting less parachute money we need to sell more or less everything we can sell. If we fall down, we reach Bolton levels of crisis.

Squad

Manager: Steve Cooper.

Ugly as ****, shit I dont caree about looks but holy christ the man looks like Stewie from Family Guy. Anyway, won the U17 World Cup as manager for England U17, comes from Wales and seems clever and talented so why not. Our manager appointments are generally great, so we trust in him.

Goalies

Freddie Woodman
Loan from Newcastle. Great in Football Manager, not done shit in reality so it will be interesting to see how it goes. Looked good in first game.

Erwin Mulder
Good keeper but shit with his feet.

Kristoffer Nordfeldt
Shit keeper but good with his feet.

Defenders

Mike van der Hoorn
Excellent player, we'll probably sell the shit out of him before September.

Joe Rodon
Only 20 years old, rock solid. He will play in the Premier League within two years. Not for us though.

Ben.. something. Whitehall? Maybe.
Loan from Watford. 19 years old, supposedly good.

Kyle Naughton
Useful. Eats money for another year but doubt anyone will buy him.

Connor Roberts
A bit up and down but generally a very good player who'd be fine as right back in the Premier League. Plays 90 min every game for Wales as well. Not very good in the preseason.

Jake Bidewell
New guy from QPR who conceded 243 goals last season. Our new starter left back it seems. Seems like a decent guy but he is extremely slow, it almost laughable except its also horrible.

Declan John
Great left winger who still thinks he is a left back even though he cant defend shiet. Wont play many games.

Midfielders

Jay Fulton
He is like 24 and had done nothing until last season but he is a good quality defensive midfielder who can score a goal.

Matt Grimes
Insane player, I saw his WyScout stats and its incredible no-one has bought him yet, he is so far above average in almost every aspect of the game. Xavi type of player. Crazy good.

George Byers
Random dude who appeared from our U23's last season and looked comfortable in the Championship. Generally not spectacular but good passing and likes to shoot.

Bersant Celina
Great player, needs better end product though. Will get somewhere bigger in due time.

We only got four midfielders? Oh well.

Wingers

Nathan Dyer
Eats money like there is no tomorrow but excellent professional who reincarnated under Potter last year after being dead for several years.

Joel Asoro
We bought him as he is considered a big talent but I think he is lazy or dumb or something. Should be shipped maybe. Sad saying that as a fellow Swede.

Kristoffer Petersen
New from Heracles where he did very well. I like Eredivisie signings so I think he will be a great addition.

Wayne Routledge
Like Dyer he was dead as a stone dead stone for several years but getting Potternized he turned in to Zinedine Bergkamp and should be considered a really filthy animal.

Jefferson Montero
Godlike but always injured. We're trying to ship him.

Andre Ayew
Just leave. Wont play.

Strikers

Borja
Our most expensive signing ever. Been out on loan for two years and now he is back and no-one wants him, so we simply have to give him a new chance. Scored in pre-season and in our first Championship game. If he keeps it up we can sell him!

Courtney Baker-Richardson
Since we only had one striker last season we had to play this individual. He is about 22 or 23 years old, signed for us from a sixth tier team two seasons ago and he is very shit. However, he has a tendency to score, so we'll probably see him this year as well.

Transfers

Last season saw 16 Premier League players go and this time so far we have lost Martin Olsson,loanee Cameron Carter-Vickers, Leroy Fer, Luciano Narsingh (thanks for nothing) and... **** this onion cutting neighborhood... Daniel James and most recently Oliver McBurnie. Most of these were exceptional characters.

We've signed this "Jake Bidwell"-guy and Kristoffer Petersen from Heracles, we also loaned Ben Something from Watford and Woodman from Newcastle. One or two attacking players are coming, but I'm guessing more players will leave. We need to keep Grimes.
 






I am some kind of Swansea fan (finding them through Potter) who will be watching all of your games this season and very likely be lurking this forum day out and day in, contributing wisedom all over this place

When I read that I thought you were going to be analysing our tactics and explaining how they typify Potterball. But then you go and post pen-pics of your squad so I was wondering, why would we be interested? We've poached your manager but I'm not sure we need any of your players!

BTW, 'wisedom' is spelt like this chap...

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zefarelly

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
21,824
Sussex, by the sea
I am some kind of Swansea fan (finding them through Potter) who will be watching all of your games this season and very likely be lurking this forum day out and day in, contributing wisedom all over this place

When I read that I thought you were going to be analysing our tactics and explaining how they typify Potterball. But then you go and post pen-pics of your squad so I was wondering, why would we be interested? We've poached your manager but I'm not sure we need any of your players!

I've heard worse sales pitches . . .although usually for windows, we're not good at windows.
 




Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,772
Location Location
I like the cut of your jib. You will be a welcome addition to the bored.

You will probably revise your penchant for Eredivisie signings though. In our experience, they have been almost universally SHITHOUSE.
 




Swansman

Pro-peace
May 13, 2019
22,320
Sweden
I am some kind of Swansea fan (finding them through Potter) who will be watching all of your games this season and very likely be lurking this forum day out and day in, contributing wisedom all over this place

When I read that I thought you were going to be analysing our tactics and explaining how they typify Potterball. But then you go and post pen-pics of your squad so I was wondering, why would we be interested? We've poached your manager but I'm not sure we need any of your players!

If you go through my post history you will find the quality stuff you are looking for. Lots of it. This thread however is about Swansea. Naturally I would try to answer any question regarding Potterball though.
But the most interesting thing about Potterball - the end plan (HWTEMOB) - you already know about, so dont need to go over that.
 








Wellesley

Well-known member
Jul 24, 2013
4,973
Does anybody on here, apart from the OP, and I've got nothing at all against Swansea, but does ANYBODY give a shit and want this clogging up our board? No offence meant of course but this is an Albion forum.
 


AZ Gull

@SeagullsAcademy Threads: @bhafcacademy
Oct 14, 2003
11,742
Chandler, AZ
Squad

....

Joe Rodon
Only 20 years old, rock solid. He will play in the Premier League within two years. Not for us though.

Rodon is the nephew of Chris Rodon, who spent a few months with Albion in the earlyish 80s. Signed for Albion in January 1983 after having a trial with Liverpool. He had been playing part-time for Pontardawe Athletic in the Welsh Premier League whilst also working at the DVLC in Swansea. He only played 15 minutes of first team football for Albion - in fact, it was the final 15 minutes of Division One football that Albion played.

CHRIS RODON’S BRIEF ALBION CAREER
 


Eeyore

Colonel Hee-Haw of Queen's Park
NSC Patron
Apr 5, 2014
23,586
I think we should do a thread like this for all the 90 remaining clubs. It's only fair.
 






Knocky's Nose

Mon nez est en Valenciennes..
May 7, 2017
4,137
Eastbourne
I'm half Welsh, but sadly I'm afraid neither half gives a shit... :shrug:

I'd suggest ditching all that claptrap and just become a Brighton fan. ???
 










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