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[Misc] World's Hardest Creature XII - THE FINAL

Who's the hardest?

  • Hippopotamus

    Votes: 54 49.5%
  • Jaguar

    Votes: 55 50.5%

  • Total voters
    109
  • Poll closed .


jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
Screenshot 2019-03-17 at 21.50.40.png

Good afternoon. I'm Chris Packham. Welcome to this, the finale of the 2019 World's Hardest Creature competition. WHC XII saw a couple of new competitors come... and then quickly go, with early exits for the Naked Mole Rat and Titan Triggerfish. Many of our old favourites put up a spirited performance, with semi final exits for the Polar Bear and Grasshopper Mouse. The Honey Badger was the victim of a surprise ambush at the quarter final stage, when it was jumped by the Seagull, who then mystifyingly failed to show up for its own semi final.

And then there were two. Our defending champion, the Hippo, has had a serene passage to the final where it comes face to face with a new foe. The Jaguar has made it to the WHC final at its third attempt and has been the surprise package of this year's competition. The Jag has collected many new admirers in 2019 with its impressive showreel. Going into the match the bookies have the Hippo down as the comfortable favourite but it would be foolish to underestimate the Jaguar, who got up off the canvas in the final minute to land a scoring blow against the Polar Bear and make its way into the semi final.

The time for talking is over. It's show time! The first of our competitors is ready to enter the ring. Here comes the Jaguar...

I can see the Jag for the first time now, as it enters the arena to the sound of, unsurprisingly, Jaguar by The Who. It's looking resplendent, sleek, lithe and very much the apex predator. The crowd are roaring their approval but don't go getting too close to those teeth people. This guy is a stone cold killer. The Jaguar enters the ring now and just look at it as it prowls around the ropes, awaiting its opponent.

And here comes the Hippo now. Bad to the Bone blares out over the PA and the Hippo smiles as it makes his way down to the ring. It looks relaxed, it looks supremely confident. It's absolutely the beast in form right now, not having tasted defeat for two years. It's struggling a little with the ropes there. Seems they weren't really made with two tons of Hippo in mind but it's safely in now.

So now it's over to our MC for the evening, the legendary Michael Buffer and the introductions...

Thank you Chris. I'm sure everybody at home would like to join me in tanking you for your superlative coverage over the tournament. Now! Ladies and gentlemen, the tens of thousands of you gathered here inside the Animal Dome and to the millions watching at home all across the globe... Are... you... READY?. I said Are... you... RRRRRREEEEEAAADYYY?
Ladies and gentlemen. Let's get rrrreeeeaaaaddddyyyy to RUUUUUUUMMMMMBBBBBLLLLLLE!

(Crowd roars)

In the blue corner, weighing in at 3,000 kilos, it's Africa's leading killer. It's unbreakable. It's unstoppable. It is the undisputed king of the river bank. The river horse. It's the defending champion. Ladies and gentlemen... It's the HIP-PO-POTAMUUUUUUUUS.

Hippo.jpg

And in the red corner, weighing in at 150 kilos, it's the largest cat in the Americas. It's a wiry mass of muscle and teeth. A sleek, mean killing machine. Making its debut in the WHC final, please welcome... thhhhheeeeee JAAAAAAAA-GUUUUU-AAAAAAARRRR.

Jaguar.jpg

So before the referee gets this underway, let's take one last look at the tale of the tape.

Hippopotamus
2nd round - beat Deathstalker Scorpion 38 to 21
Quarter final - beat Mantis Shrimp 38 to 23
Semi Final - beat Polar Bear and Grasshopper Mouse 23 to 15 and 18
Total knockout votes received = 99

The Hippo, while being vegetarian, earns its hard spurs by virtue of its unmatched ability to pick a fight with anything that annoys it. It has the strongest bite of any creature outside the Crocodile clan, regularly squares up to the very biggest beasts the world has to offer and is responsible for more human fatalities in Africa than any other animal

Jaguar
2nd round - beat Tasmanian Devil 33 to 25
Quarter final - Tied with the Polar Bear 32 each
Semi final - beat Seagull 38 to 21
Total knockout votes received = 103

The Jaguar, while not a backstreet brawler, is unquestionably hard due to its regularly going toe to toe with other apex predators. It has a bite force second only to Crocodiles and the Hippo but its strength is the greatest pound for pound owing to its more compact frame. It has its own signature strike, crushing the skull of its prey with a single bite. It can hunt on land or in water and has been known to chase opponents up trees. There's nowhere this bad boy won't fight.

And now there's just time to have one last look at our finalists in action. Here's the Hippo getting characteristically angry at a boat sharing its water.



And here's the Jaguar skilfully taking down a Caiman. Here we also see its skill underwater.



And now our referee, the Grasshopper Mouse, calls the two finalists into the centre of the ring. The fight is now just seconds away. They touch gloves...

AND THERE'S THE BELL. THE FIGHT IS ON.
 

Surf's Up

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2011
10,135
Here
I predict the lowest polling numbers ever for the final of this competition simply because the truly hardest creature in the world (badger/honey) has been bumped out by nefarious acts and by persons unknown thus completely de-glamorising the final rounds of the competition!! Why, I'm even hankering after the shrimp!!
 

jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
I predict the lowest polling numbers ever for the final of this competition simply because the truly hardest creature in the world (badger/honey) has been bumped out by nefarious acts and by persons unknown thus completely de-glamorising the final rounds of the competition!! Why, I'm even hankering after the shrimp!!

The Honey Badger was last seen in a filthy mood and spitting out a Lion's knob.
 

Garry Nelson's Left Foot

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2003
13,036
tokyo
The Honey Badger was last seen in a filthy mood and spitting out a Lion's knob.

But not a Jaguar's.

This competition NEEDS the Jaguar to win.

We've never had a winner like the Jaguar before. It's a sleek, muscular, multi-talented sexy killing machine. It can do everything, swim, run at pace, climb, hunt, ambush, take out other apex predators and has a skull crushing signature kill move.

We've had a number of different champions in WHC history but none have combined everything quite like the Jaguar who deals in high level brutality but looks good doing it. It's about time the James Bond of the competition got his just rewards.

VOTE BOND. Vote JAGUAR.*











*I know what you're thinking: it's ironic that the James Bond of the animal world is a Jaguar. Well, it's not so ironic when you realise that Jaguar in Incan is pronounced Aston Martin...
 


m20gull

Well-known member
Jun 10, 2004
3,412
Land of the Chavs
Jaguar for me. OK it's no honey badger and I expect apex predators to be hard but it is certainly not shy of taking down a tough rival AND eating it. I'm not sure I can see the river cow chomping down some fresh buffalo meat.
 

A1X

Well-known member
NSC Licker Extraordinaire
Sep 1, 2017
17,423
Deepest, darkest Sussex
I'm going for the winner to be taken down by the grasshopper mouse ref in a sudden departure from the rules like happens in the WWE.
 

Pevenseagull

Anti-greed coalition
Jul 20, 2003
19,474
Belligerent fat git vs big pussy.
.
.
.
The WHC commercial partners have got an awful lot of complimentary drinks to get through.
 




jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
The Jaguar has the edge in early voting but it's still too close to call. Expect a lull in hostilities tomorrow as the Tottenham game match takes over but I hope to see you all arguing about something other than our midfield come Wednesday.
 


jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
So the dust has settled after Tottenham, we are all in urgent need of a distraction until the realm of angst that is this coming weekend and there are less than 24 hours to go in the WHC final.

As things stand, the Jaguar has put some distance between itself and the Hippo but the gap is no means insurmountable. This is your last chance to state your case, to bang the drum, to wave the flags, to show your support for your favourite beast.

These two have battled valiantly to reach this stage and deserve your appreciation for their efforts. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

Closing arguments please...
 

maltaseagull

Well-known member
Feb 25, 2009
12,934
Zabbar- Malta
The competition seems to have lost some of it's followers this year.

Is it because it's later in the year or does it need a revamp.

Shame, as it was fun!
 

rippleman

Well-known member
Oct 18, 2011
4,491
The competition seems to have lost some of it's followers this year.

Is it because it's later in the year or does it need a revamp.

Shame, as it was fun!

I think a combination of the "usual suspects" ensuring the HB's early defeat and allowing a creature that does not exist to participate has damaged the credibility of the contest this year.

However, it has still been good fun and I hope it continues for many years to come. Thanks to Jim for organising and to Chris Packham for compering the event again this year.
 

jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
What have we here?

The Hippo, its back against the wall, has come out swinging this morning. Ten votes adrift at the start of the day, it has halved the deficit.

A bit over six hours to go. Can the Jaguar hang on?
 


Bold Seagull

strong and stable with me, or...
Mar 18, 2010
29,716
Hove
I suppose I better vote for the Jaguar seeing as I gave it it's debut.

A stunning debut it has been. The big cats usually get a bad rap as an apex predator that doesn't always see to take many risks, normally picking off the kids. To see one swim a croc infested river, take on the mean looking larger reptile, dragging it by its head back through the river is an amazing example of hard.
 

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