[Misc] Having a pet put down and the guilt that follows

Brovion · Apr 11, 2019

Triggaaar said:
I don't have advice, we're in a similar position.

Our cocker spaniel is 15.5 years old and struggling. She's deaf and her eyesight is terrible now. She's not off her food or drink, and doesn't appear to be in any discomfort, but she also doesn't seem to have any joy in life any more, and I think she has dementia (she doesn't really know who we are ). She's been an amazing loving pet, she's never so much as shown her teeth at anyone, despite years of having her fur pulled by toddlers etc. Now she's not easy to look after (regular ear and eye cleaning, and she goes to the toilet inside more than out), but I don't want to put her down just because it would be easier for us.

Ahhh Trig you have my deepest sympathy. I said in my post that we sometimes let them go on too long as we can't bring ourselves to say goodbye. I wrote that because I think we did that with one of our cockers (which are easily my favourite breed). I never minded all the cleaning up and the fact I had to carry him everywhere, I just wanted to keep him with us. He still wagged his tail and he still ate his food and I thought that was enough. Eventually my wife, who loved him just as much but was stronger than me, talked to the vet and they agreed it was time. 'Devastated' doesn't begin to describe it.

Not Andy Naylor · Apr 11, 2019

We left it too long with one of our cats and the vet was none too pleased with us. I can't say that has made it any easier with other cats since, but it's something to remember when the time comes. You'll feel bad either way but you'll feel worse if you don't make that decision in time.

Lenny Rider · Apr 11, 2019

One of the saddest days of my life, somewhat ironic as I had no input whatsoever when we got Cassie as a puppy. She was riddled with cancer and at 13 it was the only option but just as we lifted her up on to the vet's couch she started wagging her tail.

Left the vets, took her straight back to work, placed in her in a child's coffin and then we buried her in the garden, next to Tammy the cat, who died as a result of a fight with a fox, another bugbear with me when the do gooders and tree huggers bang on about the plight of the urban fox.

Later put a headstone up at the end of the garden, and sadly will have to do it all again within the next 5 years with our other dog.

Triggaaar · Apr 11, 2019

Not Andy Naylor said:
We left it too long with one of our cats and the vet was none too pleased with us.

Crickey, was the cat clearly suffering or something? It's going to be quite stressful taking our pet to be killed, I won't be too happy if the vet decides to have a go at us.

John Byrnes Mullet · Apr 11, 2019

Billy,

You did the right thing. He would have suffered and you were very brave to make that decision. It's a sad situation on all counts.
Feeling for you and your family but the positive is you gave Obi a great life.

Icy Gull · Apr 11, 2019

Brovion said:
Ahhh Trig you have my deepest sympathy. I said in my post that we sometimes let them go on too long as we can't bring ourselves to say goodbye. I wrote that because I think we did that with one of our cockers (which are easily my favourite breed). I never minded all the cleaning up and the fact I had to carry him everywhere, I just wanted to keep him with us. He still wagged his tail and he still ate his food and I thought that was enough. Eventually my wife, who loved him just as much but was stronger than me, talked to the vet and they agreed it was time. 'Devastated' doesn't begin to describe it.

It’s my experience that women are stronger and more practical about things like this. It was my wife who pushed me to put our dog down before she started to suffer, I held out for a week even though I knew she was right and she was the one strong enough to be with the dog when she was put down, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I once had a dog that the vet suggested I put down and I made the decision not to. The poor thing had a heart attack following me down the stairs a few days later and tumbled to the bottom dead. I certainly don’t ever want to be so selfish again and imo it is selfish to keep a sick dog with no hope of recovery alive.

Sussex Nomad · Apr 11, 2019

I won't have pets any more after my two adorable cats have gone. Going out for more than overnight can be a real tie down, not that I complain as they are my life, love them to bits.

London Irish · Apr 11, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

Feel for you, we had 3 cats fall ill in 18 months (they were all roughly the same age, had long lives but it's just what happens when they are of that same age), we took early decisions on 1 and later decisions on 2, almost trying a different thing each time to see if it was the better thing to do - and we felt the equal amount of guilt and loss in all 3 cases. I would probably next time do the same as you and make an early decision.

Horrible, horrible experience but at least there are less people these days who say it's only pets

Triggaaar · Apr 11, 2019

Icy Gull said:
I once had a dog that the vet suggested I put down and I made the decision not to. The poor thing had a heart attack following me down the stairs a few days later and tumbled to the bottom dead.

I don't think people (and therefore dogs) suffer much when dying of a heart attack, so don't beat yourself up about it. Unless it was clear your dog was suffering, I don't understand how it was selfish to keep it alive, I imagine you were thinking of the dog, not just yourself.

Spiros · Apr 11, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

Mate, you did absolutely the right thing for Obi. If only we could be so humane towards people.

We've dealt with a number of cats having to be put to sleep over the last 10 years or so for various ailments, that's just life. The poor animal suffers terribly without being able to tell you so. I just wish some vets were as humane now as they used to be. With our last cat she was quite obviously suffering and the vet initially admitted there was nothing that could be done. However they then let on that if we had pet insurance or about £2,500 to spare then we could put our 14 year old tabby through a battery of tests to find a solution which might prolong her life (i.e. agony) by a few months or so. After speaking to a family member who used to be a vet we declined.

sydney · Apr 12, 2019

Clarke's Consolation said:
Having been regularly looking at NSC for many many years this thread has prompted me to register and post at 53yo and my first ever reply on any forum. Have really enjoyed and equally been frustrated by the forum through the bad times and the good.

This thread has had me in tears as similar to theboybilly we also said goodbye to our boy Tikka on Monday at around 10.30am. I last walked him before setting off for the game on Saturday, so a great day followed by some really bad ones. He had been going downhill for some months and on Sunday all the signs were there - struggling to get up, no appetite (even a bit of Chicken, his favourite, right in front of his mouth was not taken), standing prone and looking vacant, incontinent, etc.

He would have been 16 next month, so a good age, and the vet went through the options of tests and antibiotics but when she said the she would expect us to be back later this week we all knew what needed to happen, though myself and my wife already really knew. Hard parts were letting our daughters know who were 5 and 3 when we got him as a pup so do not remember life prior to Tikka. Also feel lost in the evenings as the routine of walkies and later letting him out in the garden before bed is now not there.

I may not post again however reading this thread has been comforting in many ways and has helped me through these early days without a big part of our family.[/QUOT

sydney · Apr 12, 2019

well what i meant to say was if standing prone and being incontinent was grouds for being knocked , i'd be in box for a long time now , don't be a stranger , were all ***** ...xx sorry for the loss of your Tikka...xx ......dont forget to pop back when you get gonorrhoea, tinnitus or in growing toe nails .....were always here...!!

Triggaaar · Apr 25, 2019

Brovion said:
Ahhh Trig you have my deepest sympathy. I said in my post that we sometimes let them go on too long as we can't bring ourselves to say goodbye. I wrote that because I think we did that with one of our cockers (which are easily my favourite breed). I never minded all the cleaning up and the fact I had to carry him everywhere, I just wanted to keep him with us. He still wagged his tail and he still ate his food and I thought that was enough. Eventually my wife, who loved him just as much but was stronger than me, talked to the vet and they agreed it was time. 'Devastated' doesn't begin to describe it.

Had our girl put down on Tuesday

Brovion · Apr 25, 2019

Triggaaar said:
Had our girl put down on Tuesday

Never met you (afaik) but I do feel for you. Can't really say much else except you did the right thing, although I know how incredibly hard it must have been

All the best.

Triggaaar · Apr 25, 2019

Brovion said:
Never met you (afaik) but I do feel for you. Can't really say much else except you did the right thing, although I know how incredibly hard it must have been

All the best.

Thanks. Wife is on overdrive trying to get me to agree to getting another dog already. Well, she actually started 6 months ago, but she's now stepped up efforts. Prepare for a 'which dog breed' thread.

Freddie Goodwin. · Apr 25, 2019

The hardest part of having a pet.

Baker lite · Apr 25, 2019

We lost our Terrier cross this time last year, We were in absolute bits, He was 15, our other dog is 18 and in rude health and apart from missing the other one dreadfully He seems happy enough, still eats well, goes to toilet outdoor still and has his daily walk.I dread the day we take him in.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

lawros left foot · Apr 25, 2019

This thread is breaking my heart.

My story is a little different from most, my missus bought me a Dalmatian puppy when I came back from a long deployment to Australia. I’d always wanted a spotty dog, and Spot was perfect, he was a bouncing bundle of energy, not very bright, but, I was absolutely besotted with him. Everything was great until he was 3 years old, and he started to have fits. We took him to the vet, who told us he was epileptic, and gave us medication for him. The drugs held the seizures at bay for a couple of years, but, they started to increase dramatically, and in his last week he would fit at least a dozen times a day. The end came when, during a fit, he bit me quite badly, and having two young sons, both under 4, we couldn’t risk him doing the same to them.

I will always remember the walk to the vets with him , and the walk home without him. Although the vet had said the cause of the seizures was almost certainly a brain tumour, and he could never have recovered, I still feel guilty, over 20 years later.

swindonseagull · Feb 15, 2024

Our springer has had to be put to sleep today, he was 15 suffering bad arthritis in his rear legs, they kept collapsing he was totally deaf and for a few months had become incontinent in the house.

Hardest decision we had to make.

The feeling of guilt is enormous.
But he could not run around or enjoy all the things he used to enjoy.

Sleep well Tenby….

Psychobilly freakout · Feb 15, 2024

swindonseagull said:
Our springer has had to be put to sleep today, he was 15 suffering bad arthritis in his rear legs, they kept collapsing he was totally deaf and for a few months had become incontinent in the house.

Hardest decision we had to make.

The feeling of guilt is enormous.
But he could not run around or enjoy all the things he used to enjoy.

Sleep well Tenby….
View attachment 176012

lovely photo, sorry for your loss.

Pets are better than humans, unconditional love.

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[Misc] Having a pet put down and the guilt that follows

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