[Misc] Having a pet put down and the guilt that follows

Surrey Phil · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
My missus wants Obi home after cremation so I've bought a little memorial for them to put his ashes in and also a pawprint in clay. He will be home next week - I actually feel a lot better with even this little event. We'll find somewhere for him to be (I say we, it'll be Dawn taking charge here)
I've just rang the people involved (in East Grinstead) to take the 'e' off 'Obie' that the vet always had him registered as. That always brought a smile, and they were more than happy to do so.

Me and my misses had to have our gorgeous old Sheltie put down nearly a year ago due to failing health. I was with her at the vets when she was put to sleep, brought her home and spent half a day digging a deep hole in a perfect spot in the garden and burying her. We have planted a nice shrub which I visit every day. We now have a new 9 month old Sheltie and whilst the pain & memories never go, I know we did all the right things and have now filled the void again. You will too when the time is right. RIP Obi.

Arthritic Toe · Apr 10, 2019

So sorry to hear about Obi - you did the right thing. He was a good age and you saved him from further suffering.

I lost my border collie a couple of years ago now and absolutely know what you're going through. I don't often show much emotion, but on that day I was blubbing uncontrollably on the shoulder of a complete stranger at the vets.

Blue3 · Apr 10, 2019

I never fully understood the loss felt by individuals but since having my little dog he's my best mate we are together almost constantly and the thought of a life without him makes me feel physically sick so with that in mind I am sure you did what was best for Obi and my thoughts are with you at this difficult time

Eeyore · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

So you had no choice anyway.

It was best to let Obi go.

Jesus Gul · Apr 10, 2019

I’ve had a few moggies put down including one on New Year’s Eve! With the last one I just went straight down rspca braepool and got another rescue mog. He’s brilliant

theboybilly · Apr 10, 2019

Brighton Lines said:
So you had no choice anyway.

It was best to let Obi go.

It would seem so, but at the time (and over the phone) my mind was all over the place. Obi left in the morning and you wouldn't have thought anything was wrong. I was hoping the biopsy would show a benign growth had been removed and at worst medication would fix the enzyme levels in his liver. I'm not a vet, I was torn between getting him home if only for a short while longer or the ultimate decision. In my heart I'm sure now (after reading all these wonderful heartfelt replies) that I got it right. The worst was yet to come for Obi and it was only just over the horizon. For the sake of a very short while he went with dignity and, hopefully, no pain.

DavidRyder · Apr 10, 2019

We had to have both cats put down within months of each other, for the same illness. Had them since kittens, a Christmas present for my wife. It was a horrible decision to make, but the right one. The stress that we had to put them through - in and out of the vets, intrusive treatments, being fed through a tube via a syringe at home (which in itself was stressful for the one that had this, as I was bl00dy all fingers and thumbs). But in the moments in between, they were still our lovely cats, still sat on our laps and purred, and that just makes the decision worse.

I think we both felt very guilty, and 2 years on, still do, because their last moments were stressful.

I admit to being a soppy sod, and I still get tearful about them. We'd like 2 more kittens, but even that brings out the feeling of guilt, that we are replacing them.

So what I'd say to you is (and I should really listen to my own advice), don't feel guilty. You gave your dog a wonderful few years, and what you did at the end was the kindest thing and a final act of love. ATB.

theboybilly · Apr 10, 2019

DavidRyder said:
We had to have both cats put down within months of each other, for the same illness. Had them since kittens, a Christmas present for my wife. It was a horrible decision to make, but the right one. The stress that we had to put them through - in and out of the vets, intrusive treatments, being fed through a tube via a syringe at home (which in itself was stressful for the one that had this, as I was bl00dy all fingers and thumbs). But in the moments in between, they were still our lovely cats, still sat on our laps and purred, and that just makes the decision worse.

I think we both felt very guilty, and 2 years on, still do, because their last moments were stressful.

I admit to being a soppy sod, and I still get tearful about them. We'd like 2 more kittens, but even that brings out the feeling of guilt, that we are replacing them.

So what I'd say to you is (and I should really listen to my own advice), don't feel guilty. You gave your dog a wonderful few years, and what you did at the end was the kindest thing and a final act of love. ATB.

Lovely words, thank you

Palacefinder General · Apr 10, 2019

Classic, from the title I genuinely thought this thread was going to be about the use of biting sarcasm (a pet put down that you usually deploy) and then feeling bad for the victim of the verbal put down afterwards!

The Andy Naylor Fan Club · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

Boy, do I know how you're feeling right now. Just over 3 years ago I had that decision to make and I cried like I hadn't cried since I was a toddler. Your dog is part of your family and the grief you are feeling is because you loved Obi and those feelings of guilt will subside and ease within time. I had Dora cremated and buried most of her ashes under our favourite seat on the Downs at Bevendean but I also have a tiny amount in a keepsake box which is kept in a memory box along with some of her toys and lead. She was a big part of my life for 12 years when we got her from the Dogs Trust, Shoreham and boy was it the best decision I'd ever made. Keep your chin up and remember the good times that you had. We moved home a couple of weeks ago and a few days ago I unpacked the last box and her memory box was there, I had a little peep, closed the lid and had a sigh then a big smile as those memories came flooding back.

Dora on our favourite seat....

portslade seagull · Apr 10, 2019

We lost our Collie 5yrs ago whole family devastated but we knew it was for the best as she had suffered a stroke. We gave her hopefully a great life and are now looking at getting another dog. I would like a retriever but a rescue not a pup as believe in giving dogs as well as cats ( we've had 5 all rescue and the current one is a headcase) a 2nd chance. It takes time but eventually your remember them fondly when you think about them and smile

Flagship · Apr 10, 2019

My 5 year old died whilst chasing a fox. He smashed into our garden fence at full tilt and died of shock. That was three years ago and I have to admit that I still shed a tear for him and find it difficult to talk about him to people who knew him.

I bought a memorial stone which is in the front garden and the words go like this:

If I had to make a choice - to have you back again,
Or not have all this sorrow - I tell you this my friend
I'd have you back with me again - and if I had my way,
Although I know I'd cry some more, I'd cherish every day.

Dogs are your friends and you will miss him for a long time, but don't feel guilty about putting him down.

I've actually welled up as I'm writing this.

Bless Obi

Thunder Bolt · Apr 10, 2019

My daughter had her dog Charlie put down last year aged 15. She was gutted for quite a while, and then two weeks ago, she went to the Rescue Centre and came home with this lovely bitch. She is two years old, loving and so quick to learn.

There are some beautiful dogs just waiting for loving homes to go to.

theboybilly · Apr 10, 2019

The Andy Naylor Fan Club said:
Boy, do I know how you're feeling right now. Just over 3 years ago I had that decision to make and I cried like I hadn't cried since I was a toddler. Your dog is part of your family and the grief you are feeling is because you loved Obi and those feelings of guilt will subside and ease within time. I had Dora cremated and buried most of her ashes under our favourite seat on the Downs at Bevendean but I also have a tiny amount in a keepsake box which is kept in a memory box along with some of her toys and lead. She was a big part of my life for 12 years when we got her from the Dogs Trust, Shoreham and boy was it the best decision I'd ever made. Keep your chin up and remember the good times that you had. We moved home a couple of weeks ago and a few days ago I unpacked the last box and her memory box was there, I had a little peep, closed the lid and had a sigh then a big smile as those memories came flooding back.

Dora on our favourite seat....
View attachment 107448

What a lovely thing to do, I'm sure Dora is looking down on you. Thank you for the kind words they are much appreciated.

Weststander · Apr 10, 2019

So many loving people in this thread. People who are loving pet owners (and/or to wildlife), are in my experience intrinsically kind people.

I’ve never felt guilt in having our beloved cats put to sleep. If the vet says that the animal is suffering or has little quality of life, reluctantly and with bucketloads of tears, I’ve agreed to the necessary ending of their life. Each time up to then, they’d had an amazing life in the cat equivalent of a hotel, with boundless love from all of us. Very sad, but no one can take away the happy memories.

Then, within a few weeks or months when we are ready, we make another unwanted rescue animal happy, by adopting them.

Weststander · Apr 10, 2019

Thunder Bolt said:
My daughter had her dog Charlie put down last year aged 15. She was gutted for quite a while, and then two weeks ago, she went to the Rescue Centre and came home with this lovely bitch. She is two years old, loving and so quick to learn.

View attachment 107456

There are some beautiful dogs just waiting for loving homes to go to.

What a stunning dog!!!

theboybilly · Apr 10, 2019

Weststander said:
So many loving people in this thread. People who are loving pet owners (and/or to wildlife), are in my experience intrinsically kind people.

I’ve never felt guilt in having our beloved cats put to sleep. If the vet says that the animal is suffering or has little quality of life, reluctantly and with bucketloads of tears, I’ve agreed to the necessary ending of their life. Each time up to then, they’d had an amazing life in the cat equivalent of a hotel, with boundless love from all of us. Very sad, but no one can take away the happy memories.

Then, within a few weeks or months when we are ready, we make another unwanted rescue animal happy, by adopting them.

My Dawn will have the final say but I do hope she eventually becomes receptive to the thought of rehoming another dog

Chief Wiggum · Apr 10, 2019

As far as a dogs life goes, I reckon Obi won the dog lottery.
Chin up fella - you did the right thing by him.

Triggaaar · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

I don't have advice, we're in a similar position.

Our cocker spaniel is 15.5 years old and struggling. She's deaf and her eyesight is terrible now. She's not off her food or drink, and doesn't appear to be in any discomfort, but she also doesn't seem to have any joy in life any more, and I think she has dementia (she doesn't really know who we are

). She's been an amazing loving pet, she's never so much as shown her teeth at anyone, despite years of having her fur pulled by toddlers etc. Now she's not easy to look after (regular ear and eye cleaning, and she goes to the toilet inside more than out), but I don't want to put her down just because it would be easier for us.

Silverhatch · Apr 10, 2019

Triggaaar said:
I don't have advice, we're in a similar position.

Our cocker spaniel is 15.5 years old and struggling. She's deaf and her eyesight is terrible now. She's not off her food or drink, and doesn't appear to be in any discomfort, but she also doesn't seem to have any joy in life any more, and I think she has dementia (she doesn't really know who we are ). She's been an amazing loving pet, she's never so much as shown her teeth at anyone, despite years of having her fur pulled by toddlers etc. Now she's not easy to look after (regular ear and eye cleaning, and she goes to the toilet inside more than out), but I don't want to put her down just because it would be easier for us.

We let our girl live six months longer than she should have. She had all the symptoms you mention - especially the No Joy bit. In hindsight the delay was all to do with what we wanted - not what she needed. Be strong.

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[Misc] Having a pet put down and the guilt that follows

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