[Misc] Having a pet put down and the guilt that follows

theboybilly · Apr 10, 2019

Thunder Bolt said:
It's a natural part of grief, but the vet gave you good advice. You wouldn't have wanted Obi to suffer any more, so you did the right thing, although you won't think so at the moment.
14 is a good age for a dog, and you gave Obi a great home for 5 years where he enjoyed love, care and attention. When animals are really sick, it is time to let them go in peace, not suffer because we will miss them.

It's hard to imagine at the moment, but in a few months time, you can find another rescue dog to love who will fill that empty home. It's waiting for you now when you're ready.

I think you just might be right, thank you

pearl · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

I think you did the right thing for Obi and time is a great healer

theboybilly · Apr 10, 2019

Thank you for all these lovely replies, they are helping more than you can imagine. I've been stuck in the house ever since as my missus was getting ready for her trip to France and yesterdays grotty weather. But today the weather is nicer so it's time to get the bike out to ride into Shoreham, buy a bag of chips and sit in the sunshine with my memories. I might even treat myself to a pint.
Thanks all once again

bluenitsuj · Apr 10, 2019

This is a very very sad thread and difficult to read. Not yet been through this (my Retriever Meg is 11) but when the day comes I know I will be gutted, upset and sad and will cry my eyes out for days as she is a fantastic and loyal companion ( or our favourite daughter as we tell our 'human' daughter

) Those who have never had a dog usually do not understand the grief, as I did not until fate gave us Meg.

Trevor · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

You have been good friends with Obi and now you have just done the last act of friendship. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Sorry for your loss

Sussexscots · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

You gave him a great life. He never went to bed cold or scared or hungry and, when he was older and ill you did the right thing by him and let him go without pain no matter the cost to yourself.

I lost my big lad in January. Cancer took him and he was too old to put him through chemo. Ten stone of gentle affection and it still hurts hurts like hell; but in my heart I know I did the right thing by him. In time, I will remember him with affection rather than loss and eventually, I will get another Dog and give him or her a good life because they get into your soul.

All the best and RIP Obi.

theboybilly · Apr 10, 2019

bluenitsuj said:
This is a very very sad thread and difficult to read. Not yet been through this (my Retriever Meg is 11) but when the day comes I know I will be gutted, upset and sad and will cry my eyes out for days as she is a fantastic and loyal companion ( or our favourite daughter as we tell our 'human' daughter ) Those who have never had a dog usually do not understand the grief, as I did not until fate gave us Meg.

My missus wants Obi home after cremation so I've bought a little memorial for them to put his ashes in and also a pawprint in clay. He will be home next week - I actually feel a lot better with even this little event. We'll find somewhere for him to be (I say we, it'll be Dawn taking charge here)
I've just rang the people involved (in East Grinstead) to take the 'e' off 'Obie' that the vet always had him registered as. That always brought a smile, and they were more than happy to do so.

Icy Gull · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Thank you for all these lovely replies, they are helping more than you can imagine. I've been stuck in the house ever since as my missus was getting ready for her trip to France and yesterdays grotty weather. But today the weather is nicer so it's time to get the bike out to ride into Shoreham, buy a bag of chips and sit in the sunshine with my memories. I might even treat myself to a pint.
Thanks all once again

Coming back to an empty house after a dog has died is horrible. It passes though so stay strong :thumbsup:

I felt the need to bin everything except the lead and a couple of toys which I stuck in the back of a cupboard. For me the less reminders the better but we are all different in how we handle grief.

I found them in the cupboard yesterday whilst looking for something else and still a little over two months on it brought a tear to my eye.

Return of the Rev · Apr 10, 2019

The important thing is you have looked after your dog when alive, plenty live thier lives in misery, and you gave your dog a dignified end something that is not given to alot of people, although my dog is in good health I realise at 10 his time will come round and already dreading it. If you feel guilty that's a sign of what a decent owner you were, your dog was lucky to have you.

Publius Ovidius · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

Last year, we found out our Abbey who lived with us ( cats only ever live with you) for around 14 years, had a tumour that caused high blood pressure and her eyes were affects and she went blind very quickly. She had already lost her hearing.

We brought her home from visiting BAG whilst we were on holiday and it was obvious she wasn't in a good way.

I woke up in the morning to find her lying in a spot she would never sit in...I went to stoke her and she leapt a foot in the air as she had no idea I was there.

She worked her way around the house to eat a small amount and drunk a lot of her water.....

It was pitiful to see and she was getting distressed. We took the decision to take her to the vet to see what could be done, and the mrs let me take her in. The vet looked at her and did a few tests and said that the tumour in her throats was getting so bad it would be causing pain..and I was advised to let her go. She gave her a sedative to calm her down and she lied there snoring her head off...the very said it was the tumour pushing on her windpipe.

She was given something else and she slipped away.

I am being a silly old sod crying my eyes out writing this...she was such a fabulous member of our family and I loved her dearly! I know she was just a cat, but that was one of the worst moments of my life and although we have another cat now, she will always be my lovely little tabby cat.

You will never forget your dog and things will jump out at you at times that remind you of him. Take care mate.

Sorry I need to stop now.

Sussex Nomad · Apr 10, 2019

Absolutely gutted, genuinely, for anyone that has lost a pet. I am a huge animal lover and devotee and my favourites, cats, I have two of. Even just reading this thread makes my stomach churn with anxiety. My little boy Alfie (Siberian Forest) had UTI and was getting blockages due to crystals forming. It got to the point where the vet suggested letting him go to sleep but I refused, he had only just turned 4. Finally I got referred to a vet in Orpington that basically chopped his organ off and reassigned his gender! This was done so that she could open up his urethra to the size of a female cats. Toms notoriously have very narrow urethra's and apparently 1 in 3 are likely to have problems in their lives, he is my third tom and first with this problem. Anyway after 16 days in the Orpington vet he came home about this time last year, painfully thin but fixed. He is now back to his pre December 2017 days and I'm so glad I didn't have him put to sleep. However, I put that down to Medivets making about 3k off me before referring. I just do not trust these large veterinary organisations who are basically in it to make money from your worries, love and grief. It would have totally broken my heart to lose him and I have wondered what it would have been like to have taken Medivets advice.

Anyway, having lost pets in the past I understand the emotions people go through.

brightn'ove · Apr 10, 2019

Tears reading this thread. Just want to reiterate what has already been said, you 100% did the right thing.

Questions · Apr 10, 2019

There is never an easy time to have to come to that awful decision. I had to make it last year with our beloved Jack Russell. I had to wait a couple of days until my son who had grown up with her from the age of 4 got onside with the decision and I did feel that maybe we could have waited but we were kidding ourselves and being selfish.

You did the right thing.

bardo · Apr 10, 2019

I quite liked our 15-year old cat, having been with us from the start but wasn't besotted with him. But, nothing, absolutely nothing, can prepare you for having your pet put down, even less so insisting on being with him for his final seconds of life. Like many others here the grief is overwhelming, like losing a close relative. Even writing this bring fresh tears to my eyes and it was almost 10 years ago. We chose not to have another one but I guess if we'd have had children we would have "replaced" him and I'm sure it would have helped. We buried him in a small walled flower bed and put some fresh flowering shrubs to remember him by, and I think that did help. I guess it's no different to saying goodbye to a close friend; you never really forget. But it's good not to hold the grief in because there is healing that comes with it. Let the guilt go, because you did the the most human and humane thing. But don't stifle the tears.

theboybilly · Apr 10, 2019

Return of the Rev said:
The important thing is you have looked after your dog when alive, plenty live thier lives in misery, and you gave your dog a dignified end something that is not given to alot of people, although my dog is in good health I realise at 10 his time will come round and already dreading it. If you feel guilty that's a sign of what a decent owner you were, your dog was lucky to have you.

Thank you so much

Jovis · Apr 10, 2019

Some lovely comments and good advice already. RIP Obi.

We have made this difficult decision many times, most recently in November when our beloved cat Bert started rapidly losing weight, not cleaning himself and going to toilet indoors. Tests showed some irregular and worrying things going on with blood counts and indications of likely organ failure or cancer. We opted not to have more invasive tests, on the advice of our vet. He was only 8, but clearly not happy, so we had him put to sleep the next day.

I still feel guilt every day that I may not have given him every fighting chance to survive - that I made too quick a decision. But the vet was very clear about what they would do in my position, and I couldn't bear to see him like he was. So I hope I made the right choice, and that Bert understood. I will never forget him, but we have two new cats who give us enormous pleasure. It's so wonderful having a pet...

Questions · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
My missus says 'never again' but I just know, given time, it will be 'shall we just pop over to Dog's Trust - just to have a look?' It's a bit early for that but I know it's coming

We have now got a rescue Jack from Allsorts out at Henfield way and my wife was not really ready as she thought it was disloyal to our previous mutt Dixie.......... but Pumps is an absolutely gorgeous, bundle of love and mischief and I’m so glad we have her now. I’ve stopped comparing her to Dix and just enjoy her for what she is. (A little b******)

theboybilly · Apr 10, 2019

Publius Ovidius said:
Last year, we found out our Abbey who lived with us ( cats only ever live with you) for around 14 years, had a tumour that caused high blood pressure and her eyes were affects and she went blind very quickly. She had already lost her hearing.

We brought her home from visiting BAG whilst we were on holiday and it was obvious she wasn't in a good way.

I woke up in the morning to find her lying in a spot she would never sit in...I went to stoke her and she leapt a foot in the air as she had no idea I was there.

She worked her way around the house to eat a small amount and drunk a lot of her water.....

It was pitiful to see and she was getting distressed. We took the decision to take her to the vet to see what could be done, and the mrs let me take her in. The vet looked at her and did a few tests and said that the tumour in her throats was getting so bad it would be causing pain..and I was advised to let her go. She gave her a sedative to calm her down and she lied there snoring her head off...the very said it was the tumour pushing on her windpipe.

She was given something else and she slipped away.

I am being a silly old sod crying my eyes out writing this...she was such a fabulous member of our family and I loved her dearly! I know she was just a cat, but that was one of the worst moments of my life and although we have another cat now, she will always be my lovely little tabby cat.

You will never forget your dog and things will jump out at you at times that remind you of him. Take care mate.

Sorry I need to stop now.

Thank you mate, you are right about things reminding you. Even thinking about going into town I immediately think 'will Obi be alright for an hour'...and then it hits me.

The Clamp · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

You did the right thing. It would not have been long before he started feeling terribly ill. You spared him that.
Sorry for your loss. Animals are the same life force as people, just a different shape.

NooBHA · Apr 10, 2019

theboybilly said:
Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

The ''Dignitas'' of Dog Land - Definitely the right thing

I hope someone does the same for me when I get that ill. - Well maybe not the bit about laid out under the blanket but the bit about the ''Favorite Nurse'' sounds appealing

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[Misc] Having a pet put down and the guilt that follows

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