Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊

[Misc] World's Hardest Creature XI - Intro

Who's the hardest?

  • Asian Giant Hornet

    Votes: 15 14.4%
  • Jaguar

    Votes: 4 3.8%
  • Black Swallower

    Votes: 23 22.1%
  • Wolverine

    Votes: 11 10.6%
  • Tortoise

    Votes: 4 3.8%
  • Siberian Tiger

    Votes: 15 14.4%
  • Poison Dart Frog

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • Grizzly Bear

    Votes: 13 12.5%
  • Mongoose

    Votes: 10 9.6%
  • Australian Box Jellyfish

    Votes: 7 6.7%

  • Total voters
    104
  • Poll closed .


jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
1.jpg

Good evening everybody. Stop me if you think you've heard this one before...

Yes, the World's Hardest Creature is back. What is 'hard' I hear you ask and it's a very good question. Well I'm here to help by walking you through this spectacular showcase of some of the world's meanest, toughest, hardiest, angriest, cleverest creatures. All of them are hard in their own special way. An attack from any one of these could lead a bystander past the cemetery gates and leave their girlfriend in a coma... Yeah? well I'd like to see you do any better Michaela... now, where was I.

This little fellow right here didn't get past the nominations stage but I imagine that he, like many of you, will be cheering on his African namesake in this year's tournament. This time last year literally hundreds of you were sat at home thinking please, please, please let me get what I want. And finally, improbably, incredibly it happened and the Honey Badger brought home the WHC crown. Then he tried to eat it. Then he tried to hump it but that was before the watershed.

So 36 creatures were both nominated and seconded. They've been in training for months and this is their moment. They're all in the WHC paddock, ready for action and raring to go. I've just seen a Colossal Squid oscillate wildly with excitement. Four lucky losers join them in this, the first of the four group stages. The top four in each group will go through to the knockout stages. All that remains now is to introduce you to the competitors and then it's over to you. Don't panic and don't sit there thinking I want the one I can't have. Get involved. Pick a favourite. Argue your case. It's up to you.

Pull up a chair and get comfortable. Here we go...

Asian Giant Hornet - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_swallower
Our first denizen of the deep. It has a habit of roaming the deep and eating prey larger than itself. It has been known to eat fish so large that it has lost the digestion/decomposition race: the subsequent build up of gasses forcing the party fish to the surface.

Wolverine - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolverine
Another carnivore and one that occupies colder regions people can't be arsed to live in much. Although primarily a scavenger they are known to be more than useful in a scrap. Powerful for their size and known to defend their kills from larger predators. There is at least one recorded incident of a wolverine attempting to steal a black bear's lunch.

Tortoise - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise
Tortoises are literally hard. They are protected from predators by their signature shell. While they are not noted for their fortitude in fight, the fact that they are the longest living land animal on earth must count for something. An Aldabra giant tortoise is thought to have lived to 255 years old. And here's a personal take. I once tried to stare out a Nigerian tortoise while lying in my garden. The little bugger charged at me and cracked me on the bridge of my nose with its carapace. Tougher than you might think.

Siberian Tiger - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siberian_tiger
The star of the Esso ads from the 70s and a part of our childhood that hasn't been tarnished yet. Inhabiting inhospitable terrain, Siberian tigers spend there days mating all year round. In winter when many species are taking it easy or shedding their summer fat, the ST ups its game and kills larger prey more often. Some tigers have been known to imitate the call of bears in order to attract them.

Poison Dart Frog - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poison_dart_frog
Actually the common name for a group of frogs sharing the same notable feature. Small and often weighing no more than an ounce, these amphibians wear their hardness on their sleeves; their bright markings warning predators away. Not only do they sit around full of poison but there is a hypothesis that they accumulate their toxicity through their diet: they eat their own poison.

Grizzly Bear - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grizzly_bear
Not just overgrown salmon eaters; grizzlies have acquired their reputation through many run-ins with mankind over the years. Not given to any tree climbing nonsense they stand their ground. It is said that the force of their bite is such that they could crush a bowling ball.

Mongoose - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mongoose
At first glance, cute and cuddly but a dyed in the wool carnivore. Australia, New Zealand and the United States have banned the import of these little rascals, as even semi-domesticated rat killers have the side effect of ripping up the terrain. The Indian variety like to pick fights with cobras.

Australian Box Jellyfish - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Box_jellyfish
As Billy Connolly once remarked, 'these ******** are gift wrapped'. They don't waste their time just drifting. They get a shift on and hunt their prey. However, their fame in the Hall of Hard has been acquired after countless rumbles with humans. Transparent and with some species toxic enough to bring death within minutes, these things are nasty enough to render miles after mile of pristine beach off limits. Buggers.

Jaguar - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar
A carnivore partial to any one of the 87 different types of unfortunate that might cross its path, including caimans and anaconda. Its American edition has been known to polish off black bears. It has a hunting trick unique among the cat clan, whereby it pierces the prey of its brain when biting. While human fatalities are rare this beast isn't averse to mixing it with mankind.
 
Last edited:

jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
Apologies all for the substandard, picture free release of round one. An amateur schoolboy error right there. Group B will be more polished, I promise.
 

Pevenseagull

Anti-greed coalition
Jul 20, 2003
19,474
A recent contestant on 'Tipping Point' didn't know that a wolverine was a creature.
Therefore it can't be that hard.
I'm saving my invertebrate enthusiasm for other groups.
#teammongoose
.
.
The people's champion isn't a badger, MG isn't a goose.
Kipling wrote stuff about a little mongoose getting involved..... and he probably did some war against Zulus and shit like that.
MONGOOSE!
 

Hugo Rune

Well-known member
NSC Licker Extraordinaire
Feb 23, 2012
21,451
Brighton
It’s 2007, we find our hero around 7000m deep in the Caribbean Sea.

Black Swallower (7.5in): Excuse me mate, I’m going to eat you. Can you swim round so your tail faces me please.

Snake Mackerel (34in): **** off you little ugly faced slack belly. You look like that sad-sack Nigel ****ing Lawson with all that skin hanging off you and you’re also less than a quarter of my size!

Black Swallower: But I’m really hungry and Snake Mackerel is my favourite.

Snake Mackerel: It should be me ****ing eating you, **** off or I will! Check out my teeth!

c05419ec35f06fc677d1bb46d36d836f.jpg


Black Swallower: Look, I’ve asked you nicely buddy, I don’t care how big you are, or how big your front teeth are, I’m going to have to eat you.

Snake Mackerel: Do one you jumped up little ****ing shrimp. Even if you managed to swallow me, you’d not fit me in your ****ing stomach.

Black Swallower: Don’t care . . . . . gulp!

433b6a23e0e983b47686ba6136920ec6.jpg
 

jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
It’s 2007, we find our hero around 7000m deep in the Caribbean Sea.

Black Swallower (7.5in): Excuse me mate, I’m going to eat you. Can you swim round so your tail faces me please.

Snake Mackerel (34in): **** off you little ugly faced slack belly. You look like that sad-sack Nigel ****ing Lawson with all that skin hanging off you and you’re also less than a quarter of my size!

Black Swallower: But I’m really hungry and Snake Mackerel is my favourite.

Snake Mackerel: It should be me ****ing eating you, **** off or I will! Check out my teeth!

c05419ec35f06fc677d1bb46d36d836f.jpg


Black Swallower: Look, I’ve asked you nicely buddy, I don’t care how big you are, or how big your front teeth are, I’m going to have to eat you.

Snake Mackerel: Do one you jumped up little ****ing shrimp. Even if you managed to swallow me, you’d not fit me in your ****ing stomach.

Black Swallower: Don’t care . . . . . gulp!

433b6a23e0e983b47686ba6136920ec6.jpg

A classic, impassioned WHC statement of intent. You'll all have to go a long way to beat that. :lolol:
 


Pevenseagull

Anti-greed coalition
Jul 20, 2003
19,474
Since when was 'greedy' ' hard'?

That said ....Pretty damn impressive.
 


jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
Why did the Black Swallower not get a write up?

Balls! Because I was daft and tried to put this out late at night rather than waiting until morning and proof reading it. Apologies to all Black Swallower members. Watch this space...
 

Bold Seagull

strong and stable with me, or...
Mar 18, 2010
29,716
Hove
Getting yourself killed because you are that hard you just had to eat a bigger fish giving it the biggun', that is the very definition of hard, stupid, but hard.
 


jimhigham

Je Suis Rhino
Apr 25, 2009
7,691
Woking
Black Swallower - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_swallower
Back Swallower.jpg
A possible dark... er...not horse for WHC XI, the Black Swallower is a truly remarkable denizen of the deep. It's party trick is roaming the ocean and eating prey larger than itself. It can gorge on fish twice its length and ten times its mass. It has been known to eat prey so large that it has lost the subsequent digestion/decomposition race, turning it into fishy ball of gas and forcing it to the surface where an astonished mankind is able to catch an occasional glimpse of this absurdity.
 


Kalimantan Gull

Well-known member
Aug 13, 2003
12,897
Central Borneo / the Lizard
I can see the write-up of the Black Swallower, but I can't see any text or link for the Asian Giant Hornet

Which, may I say is ****ing ridiculous. DON'T **** WITH THE HORNET. This is a wasp that repetitively stings people to DEATH.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com...hornet-insects-attacks-china-animals-science/

"The world's biggest hornet is wreaking havoc in northwestern China, where 42 people have died after being swarmed and stung in Shaanxi Province, according to the Chinese news agency Xinhua.

Some 1,600 others have been injured since the outbreak of the Asian giant hornet (Vespa mandarinia) began in July, the regional health authority reported, and attacks continue even as local authorities take action"

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/man-killed-horrific-hornet-attack-6783940

A camper disturbed a large nest of hornets which then repeated stung him so many times he died. The 60-year-old from North Bend, Washington state, died at a Kittitas County campsite after being stung by the giant wasps.

The Sheriff's Office said Warren Brown reportedly collapsed while chopping firewood off US Forest Service Road 3350, about eight miles south of Cle Elum. Witnesses told Kittitas County Sheriff's deputies that Brown suffered multiple hornet sings after he disturbed a hornet's nest. Friends and medical staff from the fire district and hospital district tried to revive Brown, but he did not survive.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...daughter-six-death-family-disturbed-nest.html

Almost an entire family has been killed in a relentless attack by a swarm of huge hornets. The group were walking along a river bank in Borneo when they accidentally disturbed the hornets' nest, resulting in hundreds of the insects turning on them. A mother, her daughter and the mother's sister-in-law who were stung multiple times died in hospital in the Malaysian state of Sarawak, while three others were left dangerously ill.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/5...ng-DEADLY-hornets-killed-SIX-France-arrive-UK

Terrifying warning after DEADLY hornets that killed SIX in France arrive in the UK

KILLER Asian hornets “four times the size of a wasp” which can kill an adult in minutes have arrived in Britain.The Asian Hornet has been responsible for six deaths in France in the last year. And the threat to humans is matched by the fear the hornet could wipe out Britain’s already fragile bee population – raising fears for honey producers and farmers.

The Asian hornet is the largest wasp in the world and stings its victims multiple times using a potent venom containing EIGHT different chemicals

Swarms of the fearsome beast – which can grow as big as a cockroach – can destroy a bee colony in a matter of hours.

The carnivorous creatures – measuring up to THREE INCHES in size – have a large orange head with black antenna and a black and golden body. The vicious predators have killed six people in France in the last year alone. They feast on other insects, including their cousins in the bee and wasp families, making them one of the most feared insects in the world.

Flying at a top speed of 25mph and able to travel distances of 60 miles, the merciless predator is almost impossible to escape from.

The terrifying influx of the insects has prompted warnings to be issued for bee keepers to be kept on red alert.

Expert in animal care Kirsty Everard found one of the menacing-looking creatures in her bedroom in Westbourne, Bournemouth. The 25-year-old described the noise of the sickening bug as similar to the deafening roar of a plane flying overhead. "I could hear it before I could see it - it sounded like a small plane going over the house,” she said. "I went into the bedroom and there it was. It was absolutely huge - about four times the size of a wasp."

Miss Everard said the insect was too large to trap in a pint glass and she attempted to capture it using a vase. She said: "It started chasing me around the room. When I went back in I couldn't see it so I think it's gone.”

Asian hornets are much more aggressive to honey bees than native British hornets, picking them off as they leave their hive - stripping them of their wings and head - until the colony is exhausted. The hornets then move in and ransack the hive.

In France honey production has plummeted after the bugs colonised huge swathes of the country. A few hornets are capable of destroying 30,000 bees in just a couple of hours.
The British Beekeepers Association has issued strict advice not to disturb or provoke an active hornet’s nest.

Anyone who thinks they have seen an Asian hornet is asked to contact the GB Non Native Species Secretariat by emailing alertnonnative@ceh.ac.uk.
 


Kalimantan Gull

Well-known member
Aug 13, 2003
12,897
Central Borneo / the Lizard
Tortoise - wtf!? That got a nomination and a second! :laugh:

ITS INCREDIBLY HARD. Have you tried breaking into one?

Their shells are strong enough that they have been known to withstand bullets, dogs and even alligators.

Now, the tortoise shell does have some weaknesses as honey badgers have been noted ripping and clawing their way through these shells - but the honey badger isn't in this group so that battle will have to wait
 

Albion and Premier League latest from Sky Sports

Paying the bills

Latest Discussions

Paying the bills

Paying the bills

Paying the bills


Top
Link Here