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[Football] HOW will England fail at Russia 2018?



Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
31,671
Brighton
Always fascinating seeing the new and novel ways we manage to go out.

I'm pretty confident on my scenario;

We will crawl through our group, drawing 1-1 with Panama in the worst game of football you have ever seen.

In the second round we will get knocked out by Japan on penalties, finding out at the end that it is their first competitive penalty shoot out ever.

Harry Winks will be in the form of his life before the tournament, being heralded as England's new saviour, the torchbearer for the next generation. He will be sent off in the Japan game for tripping over and accidentally knocking the referee down in the process.

What's yours?
 
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Questions

Habitual User
Oct 18, 2006
24,652
Worthing
I’m hoping for glorious failure this time round.

Dismal failure is just not good enough.
 

bhafc99

Well-known member
Oct 14, 2003
7,032
Dubai
Harry Kane will do his cruciate ligament two weeks before the tournament.

Called out of international retirement to fill the gap, Wayne Rooney is heralded by the media as the ultimate comeback king, a man reborn, who will surely seize this unexpected but surely 'meant to be' opportunity to finally fulfill his potential and make a mark on the global stage that will never be forgotten.

England finish joint bottom of their group, having failed to score a goal, and with the 0-0 draw with Saudi Arabia their solitary point.
 

Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
31,671
Brighton
Harry Kane will do his cruciate ligament two weeks before the tournament.

Called out of international retirement to fill the gap, Wayne Rooney is heralded by the media as the ultimate comeback king, a man reborn, who will surely seize this unexpected but surely 'meant to be' opportunity to finally fulfill his potential and make a mark on the global stage that will never be forgotten.

England finish joint bottom of their group, having failed to score a goal, and with the 0-0 draw with Saudi Arabia their solitary point.

Decent shout. Mine also left out the fact that Harry Winks will end up receiving death threats from morons, for his unfortunate red.
 


England will be ejected from the tournament due to the fans being involved in violence that results in multiple arrests for headbutting Russian fans feet.
 

Napper

Well-known member
Jul 9, 2003
23,853
Sussex
If we get out the group then we've had a good tournament.

Out on pens , 2nd round to someone like USA I suspect
 

Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
31,671
Brighton
England will be ejected from the tournament due to the fans being involved in violence that results in multiple arrests for headbutting Russian fans feet.

I was thinking something along these lines as well. Numerous lifelong bans for people such as Susan Jones, 45, mother of four who wasn't even going to any games but on a tourist trip to St Petersburg.
 


Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
31,671
Brighton
If we get out the group then we've had a good tournament.

Out on pens , 2nd round to someone like USA I suspect

Unlikely....

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/41574810

_98261210_pulisic.jpg
 


Spiros

Well-known member
Jul 9, 2003
2,357
Too far from the sun
Given what we've shown in the qualifiers I'll be looking on anything other than a defeat in every group game as a success. The very fact that Scotland were still in with a chance of runners up spot in the last round of games shows what a weak group we were in. Without a lucky draw we wouldn't have got there at all IMHO
 

Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
31,671
Brighton
Oh also, in what way will Gareth Southgate completely lose the plot as the England Manager Curse hits him?

El Tel - dodgy business dealings.
Hoddle - "People in wheelchairs probably deserve it".
Sven - The whole Gerrard-Lampard situation "we've never discussed it", taking Theo Walcott having never seen him play a single second in the flesh.
McClaren - Being Steve McClaren.
Capello - Working the players INSANELY hard in an altitude camp straight after the season ended then wondering why they were shattered for the tournament.
Hodgson - tried about 4,000 different formations, HARRY KANE TAKING CORNERS AND FREE KICKS
Big Sam - We all know what happened there.

Has a manager's career EVER not gone downhill from being England manager onwards?!?!?
 


SeagullofMalaysia

Well-known member
Jan 29, 2016
1,948
Somewhere in north Malaysia
Expecting something like this:
Group D:
Playoff team (Denmark or Sweden) 2-1 England
Colombia 4-1 England
England 1-0 Australia

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk
 

spring hall convert

Well-known member
Nov 3, 2009
9,608
Brighton
Oh also, in what way will Gareth Southgate completely lose the plot as the England Manager Curse hits him?

El Tel - dodgy business dealings.
Hoddle - "People in wheelchairs probably deserve it".
Sven - The whole Gerrard-Lampard situation "we've never discussed it", taking Theo Walcott having never seen him play a single second in the flesh.
McClaren - Being Steve McClaren.
Capello - Working the players INSANELY hard in an altitude camp straight after the season ended then wondering why they were shattered for the tournament.
Hodgson - tried about 4,000 different formations, HARRY KANE TAKING CORNERS AND FREE KICKS
Big Sam - We all know what happened there.

Has a manager's career EVER not gone downhill from being England manager onwards?!?!?

McClaren won a Dutch title with FC Twente after being England manager.

The suggestion is a little unfair given international managers, especially these days, are old so unlikely to go on to better things after the job
 

Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
31,671
Brighton
McClaren won a Dutch title with FC Twente after being England manager.

The suggestion is a little unfair given international managers, especially these days, are old so unlikely to go on to better things after the job

But even a few of them could retire with dignity shortly after. A lot of them become pretty much jokes, obviously the media has a hand in this...
 


jakarta

Well-known member
May 25, 2007
15,616
Sullington
Cocaine, Whores and taking Ben Stokes along as an Anger Management Coach.

Upside would be the most entertainment from an England Team in years.
 

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