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I've had a bit of a bad day



spongy

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2011
2,758
Burgess Hill
Just using here to get some thoughts off my chest really.

I was driving to work early this morning on my usual route and saw a car parked half on the road and pavement at a funny angle and thought it a bit strange. When I drove passed I had a look in the window and saw it was a colleague of mine who lives close by. It looked like he was reading so I carried on.

I had a feeling something wasn't quite right so I turned around at the roundabout at the end of the road and pulled up next to him and tapped on his window but he didn't respond. I moved my car and ran up to his and opened his door. No response from him.

I started to panic and phoned an ambulance. The call handler told me to get him out of his car and lay him down and wait for the ambulance.

What seemed like hours but probably only a few minutes later the ambulance arrived and the 3 girls started cpr and tried to help him.

They worked on him for a good 20 minutes before loading him into the ambulance and on to hospital.

Whilst this was happening I had to go to his house and get his wife so she could go to hospital with him.

I went into work and told my boss. News reached us at 11.30 that he hadn't made it.

To top it all off I've had to run his machine today. All his stuff there, it's been horrible.

I've worked with him for nearly 7 years. Him and me were the two there all hours, working all the overtime to get things done.

He was in his 60's and considering retiring.

It's got me thinking a lot today. Although I'm "only" 38 we were quite similar. Work bloody hard to try and earn a living. Working 55-60 hours a week instead of 37.5. Every week.

It's OK earning money but I really need the overtime to have half a chance of having any kind of social life. I don't own my own house. Probably never will as me and the Mrs and stuck in the renting trap.

I've got a 2.5 year old daughter that I love with all heart. I ****ING die right now for her if it meant she had half a chance in this shitty world.

I don't see her at all during the week. I'm out to work before she's awake and home after she's in bed. I've always told myself it's just the way it is, I never really saw my,dad growing up in pretty much the same situation.

I'm currently studying for an HNC in engineering so I can get qualified and move up so I don't have to put,all,these hours in but I'm finding the long work days, busy weekends and late nights studying every day are beginning to take its toll on me both physically and mentally and my whole work/life balance is so screwed I woke up and got ready for work at 6.15 on Sunday.

What is life thing all about. Judging by today's events it seems you work ****ing hard and then die. And Im not going to leave a house for my daughter. My only pension is the work one which started 2 years ago so it looks like I'll be working til I die anyway.

Just what is the point of it all?

Sorry for this. Just needed to get it out.

RIP Graham. A lovely bloke and great colleague.
 

bhanutz

Well-known member
Aug 23, 2005
5,998
Sorry to hear that...

You have to find a balance between work and life... The fact you are studying shows you know that. Keep it up and in a couple of years it should all be worth it!
 

Change at Barnham

Well-known member
Aug 6, 2011
4,856
Bognor Regis
I'm sorry to hear the news about your friend and I'm sorry about your current situation. Hopefully you have some support and someone you can talk to about things. I had a stranger die suddenly near me a few years ago and I unsuccessfully performed CPR. Expect several nights of broken sleep and constantly asking yourself questions. I think it's fairly normally.
Don't hit the drink too hard, it won't achieve anything. Talk to as many friends about it as you can. Good luck.
 

Sompting_Seagull

Well-known member
Jun 8, 2011
2,143
North Stand
That's awful...sorry to hear Spongy...RIP Graham.

The key to positive mental health is to take yourself out of your comfort zones on a regular basis - this statement (and the Albion as a distraction) got me through my 4 year degree couple of years ago when I was juggling full-time stressful work / open uni studying at night and the weekends, and being the primary carer for my two young kids at the time. It's not easy and you are in the eye of the storm right now but keep ploughing on, get that better job and life will hopefully look a bit better for you and your family. Wish you all the best mate.




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Green Cross Code Man

Wunt be druv
Mar 30, 2006
19,592
Eastbourne
That is such a sobering story. Try to remember, that although this is a terrible day and that your own circumstances are far from ideal, that things are likely to improve as you become qualified. I know from bitter personal experience, that having a wife and daughter (I've got two sons) can be the difference in terms of helping you to push through and also help prioritise your motivations. Keep strong mate and RIP Graham.
 


Diego Napier

Well-known member
Mar 27, 2010
4,416
What a shocker of a day, I feel for you.

Stick with the studying, you're feeling low at the moment through shock and loss but it sounds like you have a great family who love and rely on you. You've got many happy years ahead with them, and with the Albion.
 

crasher

New member
Jul 8, 2003
2,764
Sussex
Really sorry to hear that - it must have shaken you very badly.

For what' it's worth - three things:

1. You are probably in shock and likely will be for some days. So don't make any life-changing decisions now, wait until some perspective returns.
2. Do you enjoy your job? If you do, it if stretches you (in a good way) and you don't notice the hours flashing by, then you're absorbed in what you're doing and that's a good thing - in fact I'd say it's essential to make life work.
3. Working your arse off is possibly OK in your 30s, you just don't want to be doing it in our 60s as your late colleague was. It may be that the intensity of your life now is worth it if it leads you to better things in a decade or two and if you have a development plan for your career and your life.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do and well done for doing what you could today. You sound like a thoughtful and considerate person.
 

spongy

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2011
2,758
Burgess Hill
Don't hit the drink too hard, it won't achieve anything. Talk to as many friends about it as you can. Good luck.

Too late to not hit the,drink hard. I'm usually a,strongbow bloke but I'm hitting the Harveys for him tonight.

I will talk to the wife when,she gets home from her mums this evening. It's just shit. It really is.
 


SeagullinExile

Well-known member
Sep 10, 2010
5,657
London
Bad day indeed. Had something similar before. Doesn't seem to affect you at the time - Gets you later on when you have time to think about it all.

The best thing you can do is take a day off to get your head round it. TBH, I'm surprised your boss didn't send you home.

I work long hours, but now I insist on taking two days off a week - Your health is way more important.
 

carteater

Well-known member
Jan 1, 2014
4,825
West Sussex
I'm terribly sorry to hear that, you must be pretty shaken at the moment, my condolences to you and to his family.

It's always good to vent your thoughts out, and this, despite it being a football fans forum, is generally a supportive place to do it.

Keep at the studying and hopefully it'll pay off nicely for you.

All the best mate.
 


Wilko

LUZZING chairs about
Sep 19, 2003
9,921
BN1
Sorry to hear about your day. That sucks but indeed I think of all of us go through thinking about the work life balance. In the last 5 years or so I have not taken any promotions or applied for them, I did also cut down to 4 day weeks at a previous job. I am much happier to have less money and more free time. The whole working in order to consume routine really is ridiculous when you think about it.
 

vegster

Sanity Clause
May 5, 2008
27,853
How tragic for all concerned. It's going to be a very difficult few days for you and even worse for his family as it was so sudden. Might be worth taking a few days off to think about things if possible as working might be difficult. My deepest sympathies.
 


Birdie Boy

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2011
4,096
I really hope that they didn't make you work, after what you have been through it is awful.
RIP Graham

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dazzer6666

Well-known member
NSC Licker Extraordinaire
Mar 27, 2013
51,892
Burgess Hill
So sorry to hear fella, that's just awful.

As others have said don't make any decisions for a bit. Hug your wife and daughter and spend time with them. Maybe a couple days off work ? It'll still be there next week.

Work/life balance is a complete bitch to get right. I started working from home a couple of days a week a while back, and also basically withdrew from any further prospect of promotion because of precisely what you describe. There's more to life than money.

Hope everything works out for you and condolences to your colleague's family. Sure they appreciate what you tried to do for him.
 

Peter Grummit

Well-known member
Oct 13, 2004
6,769
Lewes
Bad day indeed. Had something similar before. Doesn't seem to affect you at the time - Gets you later on when you have time to think about it all.

The best thing you can do is take a day off to get your head round it. TBH, I'm surprised your boss didn't send you home.

I work long hours, but now I insist on taking two days off a week - Your health is way more important.

As others have said, you are in (serious) shock. I agree, your firm really should have sent you home. It must have been dreadfully traumatic to work on Graham's machine. You need to take a bit of time off. If necessary, go to the Doc and get signed off.

RIP Graham and I'm very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself, that is the most important thing now for you and your family's sake.

PG
 


chucky1973

New member
Nov 3, 2010
8,829
Crawley
I found out today a friend has the testicular cancer

Shit really

RIP Graham and sorry for you day mate. Stay positive.
 

Birdie Boy

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2011
4,096
Didn't make him work, are you having alaugh, they made him work his dead colleagues machine - how insensitive is that?
I know, I was presuming that he said no, I will work.. otherwise, they are see you next Tuesday's.

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