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Favourite one-liners from comedy sitcoms



Durlston

"Garlic bread!?"
NSC Patreon
Jul 15, 2009
9,762
Haywards Heath
To lighten the mood I thought I'd start a thread about comedy sitcoms. There's been so many over the years that it's impossible to mention them all but I love Only Fools And Horses, Rising Damp, Early Doors, The Royle Family, Phoenix Nights and loads more.

I'll start with a classic from Reginald Perrin when he's faked his own suicide. He's in the pub listening in with a disguise on with beard during lunch hour when his former work colleagues start laughing. "My God! I've only been dead a month and they're cracking jokes!"

Nana from the Royle family to Jim Royle "You've got more faces than the town hall clock and everyone of them 's miserable!"

The police from Early Doors: "Crime can't crack itself!"

:clap2:
 


Hendrax

Well-known member
Jan 23, 2013
3,462
Worthing
Stephen Fry: I think animal testing is a terrible idea. They get all nervous and give silly answers.

A bit of fry and laurie.
 


portlock seagull

Why? Why us?
Jul 28, 2003
16,979
"Elvis, SHOOT! "
 


Durlston

"Garlic bread!?"
NSC Patreon
Jul 15, 2009
9,762
Haywards Heath
The chandelier in Only Fools And Horses when it smashed to the floor.

Grandad: "Was it valuable? Del: "Valuable? It was bleedin' priceless when it was up there!"
 
















Prince Monolulu

Everything in Moderation
Oct 2, 2013
10,201
The Race Hill
Neil: Does anyone want the last chick pea?

Mike: I didn't even want the first one.

OR

Mike: Standing on the landing may be a good song title but for me it's a tax loss.
 


Muhammed - I’m hard - Bruce Lee

You can't change fighters
NSC Patreon
Jul 25, 2005
10,847
on a pig farm
You can’t trust the Old Bill, can ya? Look at that time they planted six gas cookers in my bedroom.

Delboy
 




Muhammed - I’m hard - Bruce Lee

You can't change fighters
NSC Patreon
Jul 25, 2005
10,847
on a pig farm
"If it's a girl they're calling her Sigourney after an actress, and if it's a boy they're naming him Rodney

after Dave."
 


Muhammed - I’m hard - Bruce Lee

You can't change fighters
NSC Patreon
Jul 25, 2005
10,847
on a pig farm
"Not only have you managed to sink every battleship and aircraft carrier that you've ever sailed on, but now you've gone and knackered a gravy boat."
 








Ron Manager

Oooh, wasn't it?
Sep 14, 2015
417
Lentil Alley
Well the punchline is a one-liner anyway

Edmund: You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war in Europe, two superblocs developed: us, the French and the Russians on one side, and the Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea was to have two vast opposing armies, each acting as the other's deterrent. That way there could never be a war.

Baldrick: But this is a sort of a war, isn't it, sir?

Edmund: Yes, that's right. You see, there was a tiny flaw in the plan.

George: What was that, sir?

Edmund: It was bollocks
 




deletebeepbeepbeep

Well-known member
May 12, 2009
20,890
"They're even coming from Gdańsk to see the film!"

Brannen after Ted and Dougal's attempts to stop people watching a blue film at the local cinema.
 




ManOfSussex

We wunt be druv
Apr 11, 2016
14,730
Rape of Hastings, Sussex
From 'I'm Alan Patridge':

You know when you make those sort of risqué comments, are you just flirting in that sort of crude way that middle-aged divorcees do, or do you genuinely like me, sex wise?
 





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