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Lightening the [load] ... mood



Trelford Mills Guide Dog

Active member
Jun 14, 2008
572
In an attempt to take your minds off the impending footballing colossus of Boro away, I thought I would post a light hearted tale of toilet trauma for you ...

After spending over 4 decades on this earth I have just had an amazingly new, yet somewhat startling lavatorial experience. I thought I would share this with the wider NSC community to understand if anyone else had 'enjoyed' something similar, or if this indeed was a rare event.

Whilst relaxing on the pan, enjoying an old copy of 'Gulls Ear' [not really, although the rest of the story is true], I let out an almighty, but involuntary sneeze. As a direct consequence, the brown trout, that had been reluctant to leave my pert cheeks, fair flew out of my harris, breaching the surface like an exocet missile !

To be honest this caught me completely unawares, leaving me feeling shocked and stunned, and with a somewhat smarting sphincter.

Has anyone else experienced this painful, yet strangely 'poo-phoric', sneeze induced rectal trauma ?

With the hay fever season just around the corner I thought it my civic duty to warn the good people of NSC about the dangers that lurk if sternutation occurs whilst having a good ole number 2.

UTA.
 




John Bumlick

Banned
Apr 29, 2007
3,483
here hare here
For the first time in my life, I appear to be constipated. I have that log ready for launch feeling but just spent an entirely unproductive ten minutes in the loo.....

......oh Jesus Christ can the game just start already!?!?!?!?
 




LlcoolJ

Mama said knock you out.
Oct 14, 2009
12,982
Sheffield
I seem to be heading more down the BG route.

Dodgy guts wise that is, rather than moaning that we haven't signed Ashley Cole.
 




pasty

A different kind of pasty
Jul 5, 2003
30,179
West, West, West Sussex
For the first time in my life, I appear to be constipated. I have that log ready for launch feeling but just spent an entirely unproductive ten minutes in the loo.....

......oh Jesus Christ can the game just start already!?!?!?!?

Snort some pepper and try the OP's suggestion!
 


AmexRuislip

Trainee Spy 🕵️‍♂️
Feb 2, 2014
33,727
Ruislip
In an attempt to take your minds off the impending footballing colossus of Boro away, I thought I would post a light hearted tale of toilet trauma for you ...

After spending over 4 decades on this earth I have just had an amazingly new, yet somewhat startling lavatorial experience. I thought I would share this with the wider NSC community to understand if anyone else had 'enjoyed' something similar, or if this indeed was a rare event.

Whilst relaxing on the pan, enjoying an old copy of 'Gulls Ear' [not really, although the rest of the story is true], I let out an almighty, but involuntary sneeze. As a direct consequence, the brown trout, that had been reluctant to leave my pert cheeks, fair flew out of my harris, breaching the surface like an exocet missile !

To be honest this caught me completely unawares, leaving me feeling shocked and stunned, and with a somewhat smarting sphincter.

Has anyone else experienced this painful, yet strangely 'poo-phoric', sneeze induced rectal trauma ?

With the hay fever season just around the corner I thought it my civic duty to warn the good people of NSC about the dangers that lurk if sternutation occurs whilst having a good ole number 2.

UTA.

 


The Andy Naylor Fan Club

Well-known member
Aug 31, 2012
5,144
Right Here, Right Now
In an attempt to take your minds off the impending footballing colossus of Boro away, I thought I would post a light hearted tale of toilet trauma for you ...

After spending over 4 decades on this earth I have just had an amazingly new, yet somewhat startling lavatorial experience. I thought I would share this with the wider NSC community to understand if anyone else had 'enjoyed' something similar, or if this indeed was a rare event.

Whilst relaxing on the pan, enjoying an old copy of 'Gulls Ear' [not really, although the rest of the story is true], I let out an almighty, but involuntary sneeze. As a direct consequence, the brown trout, that had been reluctant to leave my pert cheeks, fair flew out of my harris, breaching the surface like an exocet missile !

To be honest this caught me completely unawares, leaving me feeling shocked and stunned, and with a somewhat smarting sphincter.

Has anyone else experienced this painful, yet strangely 'poo-phoric', sneeze induced rectal trauma ?

With the hay fever season just around the corner I thought it my civic duty to warn the good people of NSC about the dangers that lurk if sternutation occurs whilst having a good ole number 2.

UTA.

images.jpg
 






JC Footy Genius

Bringer of TRUTH
Jun 9, 2015
10,568
Useful Faeces Facts

Word of advice from a 'friend' who had an unfortunate experience many years ago, always buy fridge freezers with the fridge section at the top.

If you've been out on the lash mixing drinks all evening/night + a curry do not, I repeat do not, stagger to the fridge in the middle of the night stark naked and squat down looking for something to eat ... it will end badly.
 



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