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Joke du jour...



Goldstone1976

We Got Calde in!!
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patron
Apr 30, 2013
13,782
Herts
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his
mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.

A female student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash
your upper body and feet.

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?
Concerned that he is getting agitated, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one and and his testicles in the
other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them Sir!!"
The patient pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... "Are - my - test - results - back?"
 




Pavilionaire

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2003
30,559
It's asking a bit much of the NHS to have already analysed the results of the operation even before his anaesthetic has worn off. Who DOES he think he is?
 


Prince Monolulu

Everything in Moderation
Oct 2, 2013
10,201
The Race Hill
Would a still sedated patient be subjected to horizontal ablutions, a delay until fully conscious would be more appropriate Shirley?

Additionally, why use only part of a sponge?
 








hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
61,259
Chandlers Ford
To be honest, if she finds the human body embarrassing, she's probably in the wrong profession.

I query her hearing as well. the two phrases are unlikely to be confused by someone with decent hearing, even allowing for the muffling effect of the mask.
 


Stumpy Tim

Well-known member
You say he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" but then later claimed he mumbled something else. Seems to me a case for some kind of sexual abuse if he did ask her to look at his manhood. He certainly has some questions to answer in my opinion
 






hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
61,259
Chandlers Ford
You say he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" but then later claimed he mumbled something else. Seems to me a case for some kind of sexual abuse if he did ask her to look at his manhood. He certainly has some questions to answer in my opinion

I think she's rather hiding behind the flimsy "Oh, I mis-heard" excuse. If anyone is guilty of a SEX CRIME here, its the nurse.
 








hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
61,259
Chandlers Ford
It doesn't say she's misheard. It is claimed that that is what he said. You need to read it again

That's a fair argument, tbh. Perhaps it is actually the OP that has got it wrong.

What was he doing there to witness this unfortunate series of events anyway? In an adjacent bed on the ward? Some kind of voyeuristic perv?
 








Man of Harveys

Well-known member
Jul 9, 2003
18,734
Brighton, UK
Has she got three hands?

Or even FOUR. If any one of the items listed requires the use of two hands to handle. Which can happen.
 




Guinness Boy

Tofu eating wokerati
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patron
Jul 23, 2003
34,083
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
Was this on the NHS or private? If NHS it was surely too soon for the little peasant to be getting a bed bath, let alone a hand job.
 






Simster

"the man's an arse"
Jul 7, 2003
54,166
Surrey
That's for the CPS to decide.

Yes some very careless on this thread. [MENTION=6886]Bozza[/MENTION], you might want to move this over to "Other Stuff". Lots of hearsay and other uncorroborated stuff on here. MattBackHome, you really should wait for the FACTS before coming out with ignorant points of view like this.
 


Bevendean Hillbilly

New member
Sep 4, 2006
12,805
Nestling in green nowhere
What rationale would a nurse have for only washing a patients face and feet? I have been a registered nurse for many years and cannot think of a circumstance where that would constitute holistic patient care.

The business with the bollocks is irrelevant.
 


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