Alan Partridge Quotes

KingstonSeagull · Feb 23, 2016

Just a thread of Alan Partridge quotes....

I will start it off with:

"Hand me the apple pie and remove yourself from the theatre of conflict"

AmexRuislip · Feb 23, 2016

“’Sunday Bloody Sunday’. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think ‘Sunday, bloody Sunday!

DavidRyder · Feb 23, 2016

There's more to Ireland dan diss

blue-afro-man · Feb 23, 2016

Smell my cheese

Paul Reids Sock · Feb 23, 2016

If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.

dolphins · Feb 23, 2016

"You're a mentalist!!"

KingstonSeagull · Feb 23, 2016

Paul Reids Sock said:
If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.

You make pigs smoke!

KingstonSeagull · Feb 23, 2016

"Big Yellow Taxi there by Joni Mitchell, a song in which she complains that they 'paved paradise to put up a parking lot' - a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise. Something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song."

Easy 10 · Feb 23, 2016

"Hello is that Curry's? I'd like to place an order for two supplementary auxiliary speakers to go with my Midi Hi-Fi system, apropos achieving surround sound. Apropos...it's Latin. You've got to have a basic grasp of Latin if you're working in.......Curry's. Oh you've got them, excellent. One last thing, what time do you knock-off? Fancy going for a drink? No? Sorry, just thought I'd ask".

Nathan · Feb 23, 2016

"In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve."

"Got my fungal foot powder? Ah, it's a lifesaver, you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these."

"Hi Susan. I was a bit bored so I dismantled my Corby Trouser Press. I can't put it back together again. Will that show up on my bill?"

Wilko · Feb 23, 2016

Do you know what this bathroom says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint. Which, again, to me is a bonus.

dolphins · Feb 23, 2016

"All this wine nonsense! You get all these wine people, don't you? Wine this, wine that. Let's have a bit of red, let's have a bit of white. Ooh, that's a snazzy bouquet. Oh, this smells of, I don't know, basil. Sometimes you just want to say, sod all this wine, just give me a pint of...mineral water."

dolphins · Feb 23, 2016

"Later we'll be taking dedications for anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission. Also, I'll be asking: Which is the worst monger? Fish, iron, rumour or war?"

KingstonSeagull · Feb 23, 2016

"Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at Yeovil aerodrome. Properly policed. It must not, I repeat not, turn into an all-night rave."

Surrey_Albion · Feb 23, 2016

I can't understand the goerdie. ..... people

"Lynn , they're sex people"

"I've got a spike in my foot"

Easy 10 · Feb 23, 2016

Guest: You’re going from Land’s End to John O’Groats on a bicycle?
AP: No, in a Toyota Avensis.
Guest: Who’s sponsoring you?
AP: No-one. It’s just one of the great UK drives, along with clockwise and anticlockwise around the M25 in the same day…which I did manage last year when I had a day to kill. I was dismissed from jury service. They wanted an ethnic balance, and I was the fall guy.

KVLT · Feb 23, 2016

Not a Partridge quote as such, but I love this:

Alan: I didn’t know you were married.
Michael: Aye. I married a Phillipino lassie, like. It didn’t work out. She didn’t like Newcastle and she didn’t fit in with the culture.
Alan: Right, so she’s gone back home?
Michael: No, she moved to Sunderland. She’s shacked up with my brother.

Paul Reids Sock · Feb 23, 2016

Fire fire the Fayre's on fire ... No, you're not listening

Who's upset you now Alan? People, I just hate the general public

KingstonSeagull · Feb 23, 2016

"They're tungsten-tip screws for claws. Right, error one - actually they're quite good for making a point aren't they? - error one, Frankenstein is the name of the creator, not the monster. Right error two right, Frankenstein is a zombie. Okay, he's a type of zombie. It's like people when they say Tannoy when they mean public address system. Tannoy is a brand name. Why're you all staring at me? I'm not have a go at anyone, I'm having a pop at the undead. I mean do you see any upset zombies around?"

Raleigh Chopper · Feb 23, 2016

Up next, I will be talking to Norfolks youngest butcher.

(As he climbs into bed with his bird)
"Let battle commence "

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Alan Partridge Quotes

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