[Misc] O/T Relate type Counselling

Worthing exile · Jan 27, 2016

Me and the missus are having a few problems and wondered about going to a Relate type Counseller.

Has anybody got any experience of these, are they are good? Also they aren't cheap so are they value for money or are there cheaper options?

Return of the Rev · Jan 27, 2016

Worthing exile · Jan 27, 2016

what does that mean?

TomandJerry · Jan 27, 2016

I'd ask Barber, he seems to be good with money :moo:

But in all seriousness good luck with your problem :thumbsup:

Try Google for help as well

Worthing exile · Jan 27, 2016

ah i see

El Presidente · Jan 28, 2016

A lot depends on the individual counsellor. Some are very good and want to help identify, discuss and resolve the issues in the relationship, others just want the juicy bits from your sex life.

The best thing that Relate can do is to create an environment in which you listen to your partner and have to reflect on their views rather than have a Punch and Judy type point scoring exercise that may happen at home (e.g. "Stop leaving wet towels on the bed" "Is that another piece of marital 'advice' from your mother?" Etc.)

I think the scale of fees is a suggested one. If you don't have the resources give what you can afford.

pasty · Jan 28, 2016

Myself and the former Mrs P went to Relate back in the early 90's. The only thing that happened was the counsellor ended up making us realise there was little point in staying together.

Goldstone1976 · Jan 28, 2016

pasty said:
Myself and the former Mrs P went to Relate back in the early 90's. The only thing that happened was the counsellor ended up making us realise there was little point in staying together.

Ditto (except timing). Not the outcome either of us were hoping for at the time, but, truth be told, it was actually the best (only?) solution. Helping both of us face reality was a useful contribution. I know other couples who've used it, found it useful and stayed together, and still others who've used it and found it a total waste of time.

OP - there's only one way to find out which camp you'll fall in....good luck.

Westdene Seagull · Jan 28, 2016

pasty said:
Myself and the former Mrs P went to Relate back in the early 90's. The only thing that happened was the counsellor ended up making us realise there was little point in staying together.

Goldstone1976 said:
Ditto (except timing). Not the outcome either of us were hoping for at the time, but, truth be told, it was actually the best (only?) solution. Helping both of us face reality was a useful contribution. I know other couples who've used it, found it useful and stayed together, and still others who've used it and found it a total waste of time.

OP - there's only one way to find out which camp you'll fall in....good luck.

And ditto again. Myself and the former Mrs W had already separated and Mrs W wanted to try and get back together. Her income meant she didn't have to pay for the sessions but they cost me £175 a pop. Emotionally draining and all they did was make me realise why we split up.

DavidinSouthampton · Jan 28, 2016

Return of the Rev said:

was that really necessary?

Gwylan · Jan 28, 2016

If you don't mind going to London, you can try the Tavistock Centre. They're a charity and claim that no-one should be put off help according to their financial circumstances, so you may find them reasonable.

I've never used them myself (nor know anyone who has) but they have a good reputation.

Good luck

hans kraay fan club · Jan 28, 2016

Worthing exile said:
Me and the missus are having a few problems and wondered about going to a Relate type Counseller.

Has anybody got any experience of these, are they are good? Also they aren't cheap so are they value for money or are there cheaper options?

The cheapest option, and possible the BEST, would be to post all the details on here, and we'll decide who's FAULT it all is and whether she's worth the grief :thumbsup:

(seriously - good luck with it)

goldstone · Jan 28, 2016

Worthing exile said:
Me and the missus are having a few problems and wondered about going to a Relate type Counseller.

Has anybody got any experience of these, are they are good? Also they aren't cheap so are they value for money or are there cheaper options?

If you're having problems that are serious enough to need to see a counseller, then it's time to go your separate ways. If there are kids involved, then and only then is it worth making the effort to stay together.

Hotchilidog · Jan 28, 2016

Whoever you go with good luck. The key to success however is a genuine desire on both sides to sort out your issues and resolve them in positive way. Counselling does provide a good place for you to discuss things in a civilised way and for you to both listen to what each other has to say. It can be quite revealing. Sadly in my case it turned out that I was the only one interested in working things out, so it merely confirmed the inevitable. Even so that turned out be a positive outcome in the end.

I think going for the counselling is a good idea, and i genuinely hope you can work things out.

Biscuit · Jan 28, 2016

Regardless of the outcome I think it should be applauded that you are willing to go and seek help to try and fix things or get an outcome best for both parties. It shows a level of emotional maturity that regardless of the point-scoring should be respected by both parties.

Having a positive starting point, however small, is so important.

Best of luck,

Hiney · Jan 28, 2016

El Presidente said:
A lot depends on the individual counsellor. Some are very good and want to help identify, discuss and resolve the issues in the relationship, others just want the juicy bits from your sex life.

The best thing that Relate can do is to create an environment in which you listen to your partner and have to reflect on their views rather than have a Punch and Judy type point scoring exercise that may happen at home (e.g. "Stop leaving wet towels on the bed" "Is that another piece of marital 'advice' from your mother?" Etc.)

I think the scale of fees is a suggested one. If you don't have the resources give what you can afford.

100% this.

(one of) the most important things is making sure you both want to go. If one of you is in denial, or isn't prepared to embrace the concept of counselling, then don't bother.

These people are trained to look beyond the words and draw out the underlying issues, but as [MENTION=31]El Presidente[/MENTION] says, some are good, others not so.

Good luck

El Presidente · Jan 28, 2016

To be fair to Relate, they openly admit their role is not to 'save' the relationship, but to help the pair of you identify the strengths and weaknesses of where you are together, and then perhaps guide you to the best conclusion.

If the cost is more important to you than the opportunity to see if you (and also your partner) want to stay together in the short/medium/long term, then you probably have your answer already.

Whatever the outcome, best wishes. Don't be afraid to ask for help, men are pretty rubbish at this type of thing. NSC may be the home of the binfest, but it also homes a wealth of experience and knowledge, and the idiots won't be tolerated if they act like plums on a thread of this nature. (@Return of the Rev is banned from this one, for example).

Divorce is pretty unpleasant, but the three NSC regulars that I spoke to prior to the split were fantastic support, they know who they are so I won't embarrass them by naming them. I only wish I had taken more of their advice at the time!

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