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Most embaressing football related moment.



Munkfish

Well-known member
May 1, 2006
11,871
Either Playing or watching.

For me the most embaressing moment I ever had whilst play was attempting a cross field ball from the left back postion out on the touchline over the the right winger, completely shanking it however catching the ball so sweetly I somehow managed to lob my own keep putting it in the top right hand corner of the goal. Couldnt have done it if I had tried. Still the best goal I have ever scored. That will teach them for playing a right footed player at left back.

Watching would be last season at Fulham Leading The chant give me a B, being a little bit hammered and forgetting out current league position, shouting whose going up, got more than a few what the F's, although not the worst that could happen in that situation.
 






StonehamPark

#Brighton-Nil
Oct 30, 2010
9,775
BC, Canada
Playing: Getting subbed off after 30 minutes.
I was left marking 3 players during a corner.
1 of the 3 scored whilst my team-mates ran around like headless chickens not knowing what they're supposed to do when defending a corner.
This happened twice.

Watching: The remaining 60 minutes of the above game where my team got humiliated.

Justice.
 


deletebeepbeepbeep

Well-known member
May 12, 2009
20,953
I am a terrible football player but being a local lad and friends with some fairly decent players at school, got asked to make up numbers for some age group game at Saltdean. Who are obviously a reasonably decent County League side. I got subbed in at half time and then subbed off shortly afterwards after what can only be described as a complete horror show.
 


Guinness Boy

Tofu eating wokerati
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patron
Jul 23, 2003
34,109
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
Playing - far too many to list though the one that stands out the most was after I had just joined an ex pat team in Taiwan, having lived out there for a while. I was playing centre back in a league match, Our keeper was a Cardiff lad who was known to everyone as The Sieve.

The opposition put a long ball over the top of me early on which I turned to deal with, Rather than bringing it down and finding a pass up the field I decided, since I was facing backwards, that I would pass back to Sieve. Not only did I over hit it a touch but I also didn't take in to account the fact that it had been baking hot for weeks. The ball took off like it had been fired on to a trampoline.

The Sieve, having been idling by the post (quite possibly finishing off a pre match fag) suddenly sprinted to get the bouncing ball and mis-judged it as badly as I had. Clearing it was a non starter as was using his hands so instead he jumped to head it - heading it straight up in the air.

I'd been tracking back for just such an eventuality but then found myself failing to grip the dry mud in my long studs on the boots I'd got in England. I stumbled and their centre forward went past me, controlled the ball and tapped it in past the flailing Sieve. This was in the first minute.

Our coach - a Glaswegian with a notoriously short temper - yelled for the whole of Taipei to hear "For F:censored:s sake lads, what the f:censored: do ye f:censored: clowns think ye're f:censored:ing up tae?"
 




rool

Well-known member
Jul 10, 2003
6,031
I was a goal keeper and have two incidents that often come back to me and make me cringe.

One at Preston Park where a shot from outside the box was coming towards me. I had a father and young son standing behind my goal watching so thought I'd 'do one for the cameras' and went to punch it to the side instead of a relatively straight forward diving catch. The ball just skidded off the top of my knuckles into the goal and then to add salt to the wounds the father advises his son, 'see, you should never punch a shot like that'.

The second was at Patcham Place and the pitch was rock hard with ice, there was a harmless shot trickling along the ground towards me, I did everything right, body behind the ball, down on one knee with my other leg covering the gap and the ball hits a hard lump of mud and it goes right over my head into the goal. We were 2-0 up and the opposition came back to 2-2 in the end.
 


Igzilla

Well-known member
Sep 27, 2012
1,644
Worthing
Playing - far too many to list though the one that stands out the most was after I had just joined an ex pat team in Taiwan, having lived out there for a while. I was playing centre back in a league match, Our keeper was a Cardiff lad who was known to everyone as The Sieve.

The opposition put a long ball over the top of me early on which I turned to deal with, Rather than bringing it down and finding a pass up the field I decided, since I was facing backwards, that I would pass back to Sieve. Not only did I over hit it a touch but I also didn't take in to account the fact that it had been baking hot for weeks. The ball took off like it had been fired on to a trampoline.

The Sieve, having been idling by the post (quite possibly finishing off a pre match fag) suddenly sprinted to get the bouncing ball and mis-judged it as badly as I had. Clearing it was a non starter as was using his hands so instead he jumped to head it - heading it straight up in the air.

I'd been tracking back for just such an eventuality but then found myself failing to grip the dry mud in my long studs on the boots I'd got in England. I stumbled and their centre forward went past me, controlled the ball and tapped it in past the flailing Sieve. This was in the first minute.

Our coach - a Glaswegian with a notoriously short temper - yelled for the whole of Taipei to hear "For F:censored:s sake lads, what the f:censored: do ye f:censored: clowns think ye're f:censored:ing up tae?"

Brilliant :rotlf:
 


hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
61,273
Chandlers Ford
The second was at Patcham Place and the pitch was rock hard with ice, there was a harmless shot trickling along the ground towards me, I did everything right, body behind the ball, down on one knee with my other leg covering the gap and the ball hits a hard lump of mud and it goes right over my head into the goal.

I believe that Perry Digweed would empathise with this one.

My own, also in goal, was only a few months ago. Trapped a simple back-pass. Had loads of space so dribbled it forward a few yards out of my box, ready to pick a pass. Took my eye off the ball, tripped over it, and fell flat on my FACE, for a chuckling forward to jog past me and tap it home.

Fortunately this was a minute from the end, and we were 6-0 up, so all could see the funny side.
 




Hiney

Super Moderator
Helpful Moderator
Jul 5, 2003
19,396
Penrose, Cornwall
Playing - running out at Petersfield United to be faced with a little fat bloke at sweeper. Took the piss, along with my team mates, but then had to eat our words. It was Bobby Stokes and we literally couldn't get the ball off him the whole game. Different class.

Watching - probably the Cheltenham game in 2007. Before the game, left my clothes in the pub, along with match ticket and money. During the game, fell over onto some old boy in front, cutting my head. After the game, left my phone and money in the pub. Drink had been taken.
 


AmexRuislip

Trainee Spy 🕵️‍♂️
Feb 2, 2014
33,801
Ruislip
First game I played at school, everyone was taking turns in goal.
With the score at 0-0 and about 20 mins to go, it was my turn, having the ball in my hand about to hoof the ball up the pitch, I stepped back too far into said goal...........1-0 to the opposition, gutted :tantrum:
 
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Hiney

Super Moderator
Helpful Moderator
Jul 5, 2003
19,396
Penrose, Cornwall
There were some cracking nicknames in that team. I was The Rock after that incident while a former keeper was simply known as "ornament"

:thumbsup:

Played with a bloke in Jersey, who was known as 'Bungalow' - nothing up top.

Good player, but really was as thick as shit
 




TWOCHOICEStom

Well-known member
Sep 22, 2007
10,559
Brighton
Playing: Almost KO'd by the goalpost whilst running backwards to tip over a lob. Had to come off. (It went in)

Watching. Almost KO'd by a bloody PANDA POP bottled lobbed into the away end at Aldershot.
 






sydney

tinky ****in winky
Jul 11, 2003
17,750
town full of eejits
playing at vale school in findon.....the pitch had a bit of a slope on it....frozen hard one cold january morning....ended up over the fence entangled in the briars in the south west corner.....took about 10 minutes to get me out...and it hurt...:cry:

watching....getting mugged at knife point in marrakesh..:cry:
 


Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patron
Oct 8, 2003
49,909
Faversham
Playing? I ran a university team in Vancouver about 30 years ago that played other departments, and teams looking for a game, on an ad hoc but enthusiastic basis. We played twice a week, every week, come wind rain or snow. Our team had a mix of decent young lads (including one brick shit house Nigerian PhD student), through to older members of our department, and a couple of game lasses. Needless to say, the games were a bit shambolic, with scores of 7-3 etc.

The trouble was I started to taki it all Far Too Seriously . . . . .

As captain, manager, and one of the better players (ahem), I tended to get very angry when some of the less gifted muppets (sorry) started to bugger about (sorry, I'm getting angry just thinking about this), and not Do What I Wanted. I tended to get a bit shouty, and a bit effy and blindy, it has to be said.

So my most embarrassing moment as a player was at 90 minutes, having to comfort a tearful 40 year old Frenchman, from my own team, who I had brutally abused and humiliated for much of the game, as he sobbed his apologies, with his wife and son watching, concerned, from the touchline.

It's not even as if I was much good myself :facepalm:
 


Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,748
Location Location
At school once, I was playing out on the wing. The pitch had 2 sets of markings, a smaller 5 a-side pitch inside a larger full-size jobbie.

We caught the other team on the break, and as I sprinted off on my way, someone in midfield floated a perfect peach of a pass down the wing for me to run onto. Except I didn't realise we were playing the full-size markings and not the 5 a-side ones. So I stopped and watched the ball bounce miles over the 5 aside markings and out for what I thought was a throw-in, and turned round, palms out with a "oh FFS, what the F was that ??" gesture.

Cue a mountain of (perfectly justified) abuse from the rest of the team along the lines of "we're playing 11 aside you SPACKO".

"......oh"
 








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