Ernest
Stupid IDIOT
I had a DILEMMA this morning at the Cliftonville when I ORDERED my Full ENGLISH , whether I went LARGE or NOT ? I had a CALL on Wednesday from SKY TV asking me to be on the SOFA on SKY Sports on Sunday and I immediately thought they meant 'GOALS on Sunday' with Chris 'KAMMY' Kamara and Ben 'TIPPING Point' Shepherd. I was getting all EXCITED when she said it wasn't that but they wanted me to SIT on the SOFA at Turf MORE and give my INTELLIGANT opinion on Sunday's match.
I AGREED and then she said I had to take TWO friends , I wasn't taking that SLUT [MENTION=29916]Kellie[/MENTION] for sure since she BINNED me so I settled on my mate Terry, he is a GRATE laugh , last year when we went to Club 18-30 he RIPPED up my passport at Gatwick check in and I couldn't go and then this year on BONFIRE night he lit the bonfire in my front room instead of the GARDEN and set all my belongings on fire, we SPILT our sides laughing at that especially when I found out my INSURANCE didn't cover it, so he will be with me on the SOFA and of course I had to ASK GUPPY to be my other guest. I was thinking this could turn out to be a MASSIVE thing and a NEW show on SKY Sports 'On the SOFA with ENREST' has a certain thing about it.
Anyway EVERYONE knows that being on TV puts lbs on you so I was WARY of a LARGE Full English this morning as I don't want people thinking I'm LARDY on SKY but the thought of an EXTRA Sausage was too TEMPTING so I went all in as USUAL and went LARGE. I was just SCRAPING my plate CLEAN when my SAUCE arrived BREATHLESS with excitement.
I asked my SAUCE what was the NEWS for Sunday and said he only KNEW for sure BANG was still out but had a MASSIVE bit of news, apparently the POTLESS pillock Dick Tight was at the Whitehawk FA Cup match and was planning a MASSIVE heist to take the FA Cup CASH from them but at the last minute his NEFARIOUS plan was discovered and he had to SCARPER empty handed from the ground and go back to his VILLA on the Costa del CRIME paid for by the SAIL of Murray to Palace with nothing UNLIKE of course in 1983.
With that BOMBSHELL my SAUCE disappeared into the THRONGING masses of George Street whilst I POPPED into SAVERS to buy something for smelling NICE for when Natalie Sawyer sits on the SOFA with me on SUNDAY.
UP THE ARS
I AGREED and then she said I had to take TWO friends , I wasn't taking that SLUT [MENTION=29916]Kellie[/MENTION] for sure since she BINNED me so I settled on my mate Terry, he is a GRATE laugh , last year when we went to Club 18-30 he RIPPED up my passport at Gatwick check in and I couldn't go and then this year on BONFIRE night he lit the bonfire in my front room instead of the GARDEN and set all my belongings on fire, we SPILT our sides laughing at that especially when I found out my INSURANCE didn't cover it, so he will be with me on the SOFA and of course I had to ASK GUPPY to be my other guest. I was thinking this could turn out to be a MASSIVE thing and a NEW show on SKY Sports 'On the SOFA with ENREST' has a certain thing about it.
Anyway EVERYONE knows that being on TV puts lbs on you so I was WARY of a LARGE Full English this morning as I don't want people thinking I'm LARDY on SKY but the thought of an EXTRA Sausage was too TEMPTING so I went all in as USUAL and went LARGE. I was just SCRAPING my plate CLEAN when my SAUCE arrived BREATHLESS with excitement.
I asked my SAUCE what was the NEWS for Sunday and said he only KNEW for sure BANG was still out but had a MASSIVE bit of news, apparently the POTLESS pillock Dick Tight was at the Whitehawk FA Cup match and was planning a MASSIVE heist to take the FA Cup CASH from them but at the last minute his NEFARIOUS plan was discovered and he had to SCARPER empty handed from the ground and go back to his VILLA on the Costa del CRIME paid for by the SAIL of Murray to Palace with nothing UNLIKE of course in 1983.
With that BOMBSHELL my SAUCE disappeared into the THRONGING masses of George Street whilst I POPPED into SAVERS to buy something for smelling NICE for when Natalie Sawyer sits on the SOFA with me on SUNDAY.
UP THE ARS
