Autism - A personal rant.

BadFish · Oct 16, 2015

My 10 year old has high functioning autism (aspergers), I know that a few people on her have kids in the same boat.

Once again a minor incident on the bus back from an excursion yesterday was allowed to escalate into a massive melt down in front of kids and parents because his teacher didn't make any allowances for his condition. We have had so many conversation about how to deal with him and explained how he sees the world (as best we can) but he just doesn't seem to take any of it on board. Then he has the brass neck to tell my boy that he doesn't see things from other people's perspective, no he ****ing can't because he is autistic, he is learning that stuff slowly.

Another teacher grabbed him back at the school and sent him off into a full meltdown which my wife was trying to deal with while the two teachers were telling all about what had happened.

I suppose some people get it and some people don't and we are just going to have to deal with this shit time after time. Because it is not a obvious or noticeable disability some people seem to dismiss it and not bother to deal with it. Like I said he whole thing could have been nipped in the bud and dealt with without upsetting anyone. My boy only really began to understand what he did wrong once he was calm and I carefully explained it to him. He has got in trouble and a big scene has been caused because he cannot understand or effectively deal with social situation properly. This ****ing shit wouldn't happen if he couldn't read or do maths properly.

Apologies for the rant,

Cheers

BF

happypig · Oct 16, 2015

Sorry, I can't help with autism as I have no experience with it but having had a couple of run-ins with schools when my son was younger I would say don't let it go and let the teacher(s) think they were right to deal with it like that. I'm sure that *some* teachers think that kids should be made to ensure the smooth running of the school, rather than being the entire reason for the school's existence.
95% of kids more or less fit in with the way schools run and have a reasonably trouble-free experience; your son is obviously in the 5% that needs a different approach and you have to make it clear to the school that that's what you expect (as you say, if he was in a wheelchair they'd bend over backwards to accommodate his different needs).

Return of the Rev · Oct 16, 2015

Which area are you in? Has this happened in a Brighton school?

Fungus · Oct 16, 2015

I've read a bit about Asperger's, but the first book that actually sank in was this one: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00JBOU36C?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o04_

It's just a girl's day-to-day diary, but it's quite enlightening - you may start to recognise a few of the traits. Some of her experiences sound like your boy's. It's a free Kindle download, BTW.

There's no excuse for teachers not understanding some of this, though. Having said that, teachers didn't recognise dyslexia when I was a kid.

BadFish · Oct 17, 2015

Cheers fellas, it is a constant battle and as you say teachers should be up with this stuff. Many of us are, I work at the school and on the whole we are on top of things. This individual just seems to not get it or not be prepared to make changes in his approach. Will be an interesting week next week but right now I am going surfing

Not local rev I am in Australia.

Crispy Ambulance · Oct 17, 2015

BadFish said:
My 10 year old has high functioning autism (aspergers), I know that a few people on her have kids in the same boat.

Once again a minor incident on the bus back from an excursion yesterday was allowed to escalate into a massive melt down in front of kids and parents because his teacher didn't make any allowances for his condition. We have had so many conversation about how to deal with him and explained how he sees the world (as best we can) but he just doesn't seem to take any of it on board. Then he has the brass neck to tell my boy that he doesn't see things from other people's perspective, no he ****ing can't because he is autistic, he is learning that stuff slowly.

Another teacher grabbed him back at the school and sent him off into a full meltdown which my wife was trying to deal with while the two teachers were telling all about what had happened.

I suppose some people get it and some people don't and we are just going to have to deal with this shit time after time. Because it is not a obvious or noticeable disability some people seem to dismiss it and not bother to deal with it. Like I said he whole thing could have been nipped in the bud and dealt with without upsetting anyone. My boy only really began to understand what he did wrong once he was calm and I carefully explained it to him. He has got in trouble and a big scene has been caused because he cannot understand or effectively deal with social situation properly. This ****ing shit wouldn't happen if he couldn't read or do maths properly.

Apologies for the rant,

Cheers

BF

As you well know, I don't agree with most of the stuff you post on here. But this is very different and I have every sympathy with what you and your family have to encounter with this.
I manage an U-14 team in mid-Sussex. One of the boys I 'inherited' When I took the team on, appeared to switch off and be in his own world, oblivious to tracking back, wandering around in his own space whilst everyone around him was busting a gut. At team meetings, he was constantly 'in my face' ie, really close to me when I was talking tactics, roles, etc. Other parents would bemoan the fact that I gave him game time when other boys would put more of a shift in. I suspected that his switching off into his own world, being oblivious to tracking back, and the in my face thing was probably a sign of autism/aspergers (without any qualification on my part) which his father confirmed a couple of weeks ago. He's been a sub for pretty much every game for the last 2 years as my predecessors couldn't get a tune out of him and thought he was lazy, not trying and not a team player.
I started him in our cup match last weekend, his first start in yonks. He scored from 20 yards after 10 minutes (inspired selection!) against the team top of our league with a 100% record who had beaten us 5-0 4 weeks before. His face was a picture and his teammates (and parents) were full of praise. He then went into his own planet for 10 minutes and wandered around doing bugger all before I took him off as we were under the cosh and effectively playing with 10 men. We won 1-0!
He was at training tonight and still buzzing about his goal (as he had been all week) and his teammates were fulsome in their praise of him. They don't know about his condition.
I think that if the signs of autism/aspergers can be identified and admitted, the individual can be more than accommodated and succeed in an environment such as football. But it's all about raising awareness and how to deal with it positively. As I said, I'm by no means an expert. I had a hunch and through careful and appropriate management, am getting a tune out of a lad who many had given up on.
I genuinely wish you well in your attempts to raise awareness and change behaviours and perceptions for your son. I suspect you are not alone!

BadFish · Oct 17, 2015

Crispy Ambulance said:
As you well know, I don't agree with most of the stuff you post on here. But this is very different and I have every sympathy with what you and your family have to encounter with this.
I manage an U-14 team in mid-Sussex. One of the boys I 'inherited' When I took the team on, appeared to switch off and be in his own world, oblivious to tracking back, wandering around in his own space whilst everyone around him was busting a gut. At team meetings, he was constantly 'in my face' ie, really close to me when I was talking tactics, roles, etc. Other parents would bemoan the fact that I gave him game time when other boys would put more of a shift in. I suspected that his switching off into his own world, being oblivious to tracking back, and the in my face thing was probably a sign of autism/aspergers (without any qualification on my part) which his father confirmed a couple of weeks ago. He's been a sub for pretty much every game for the last 2 years as my predecessors couldn't get a tune out of him and thought he was lazy, not trying and not a team player.
I started him in our cup match last weekend, his first start in yonks. He scored from 20 yards after 10 minutes (inspired selection!) against the team top of our league with a 100% record who had beaten us 5-0 4 weeks before. His face was a picture and his teammates (and parents) were full of praise. He then went into his own planet for 10 minutes and wandered around doing bugger all before I took him off as we were under the cosh and effectively playing with 10 men. We won 1-0!
He was at training tonight and still buzzing about his goal (as he had been all week) and his teammates were fulsome in their praise of him. They don't know about his condition.
I think that if the signs of autism/aspergers can be identified and admitted, the individual can be more than accommodated and succeed in an environment such as football. But it's all about raising awareness and how to deal with it positively. As I said, I'm by no means an expert. I had a hunch and through careful and appropriate management, am getting a tune out of a lad who many had given up on.
I genuinely wish you well in your attempts to raise awareness and change behaviours and perceptions for your son. I suspect you are not alone!

Cheers crispy. I think the key is to have a crack at accommodating their unique skills and viewpoint. To do that in a football team takes some skill and I take my hat off to you. The team my boy plays in are better with him as he holds his position like a pro and gives the team much needed shape. The coach recognises this and uses his abilities for the good of the team.

He has much to offer, is good fun and doesn't have a mean or naughty bone in his body and yet is treated like a bad kid and a nuisance. It does my head in, but as you say I need to keep raising awareness.

Crispy Ambulance · Oct 17, 2015

BadFish said:
Cheers crispy. I think the key is to have a crack at accommodating their unique skills and viewpoint. To do that in a football team takes some skill and I take my hat off to you. The team my boy plays in are better with him as he holds his position like a pro and gives the team much needed shape. The coach recognises this and uses his abilities for the good of the team.

He has much to offer, is good fun and doesn't have a mean or naughty bone in his body and yet is treated like a bad kid and a nuisance. It does my head in, but as you say I need to keep raising awareness.

He sounds like a great kid and massive respect to you and your Mrs for him being that way. In my very limited experience, it seems to be a 'space' thing, insomuch as allowing more time & space than you ordinarlily would give to those without the condition. I don't necessarily mean space' to be on a football pitch but as in making allowances for the individual to need more time and space to function better, with plenty of positive feedback for the things they've done well (which you hope they retain) whilst recognising that constructive feedback needs to be kept to a minimum. Bizarrely, my tactics board works well with him as you can physically show with counters what he needs to do, as opposed to verbal instructions which probably get lost (in his world).
Anyway, all the best to you with your son and raising awareness across the board. Cheers, Crispy.

AlbionPics&SouthCoastTwit · Oct 17, 2015

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencet...d-injuries-common-murderers-study-claims.html

I'm not saying anyone's child will be a serial killer but I use this as a societal warning that undiagnosed and abused autistic children can lead to many awful things besides the suffering of the children which is awful on it's own.

Bra · Oct 17, 2015

My youngest has high functioning autism also and I lost count of the number of times we visited the school over the same issues of care and understanding. No communication between teachers after each year, no established routine which he needs and no one to simply keep an eye on him at breaktime were just the tip of the iceberg. They just seemed to think of us as over protective parents in spite of the fact that the specialist doctor who diagnosed came to one meeting to assist their understanding. Eventually took him out of school for him as a person and he is home schooled, curriculum based and attends many clubs etc through the local community. Never happier but wish it hadn't come to that

Bevendean Hillbilly · Oct 17, 2015

Take heart my friend. Ignoramasuses will always try to deal with autism as a discipline issue. He'll come good. Mine did.

jevs · Oct 17, 2015

The big problem with autism is that to the outsider, it can often just look like a naughty boy or girl.

My grandson will be 5 soon and he has the full spectrum Aspergers and ADHD. We took him out to the bonfire costume competitions in lewes last night and he played up a bit. The looks we got were unbelievable.

However, how was anyone to know that it was part of his condition ? Unless you have a T shirt with "I'm autistic" on or a bloody great banner, no one would even think that the lad's playing up due to Autism. We've all said it when we've seen a kid sodding around in Tescos or Burger king and said "if that was my kid, he'd get a damn good slap"

Badfish, you have my total sympathy mate.

Buffalo Seagull · Oct 17, 2015

One of my students is taking part in this program - http://www.sst-institute.net/
If you want the contact details of the people running it, send me a text.

Guinness Boy · Oct 17, 2015

Might be a hard read for some on this thread - and this is applicable to the UK rather than Oz - but full inclusion in state schools seems to be in the hands of untrained TAs and affecting the other kids in the class, at least according to the Secret Teacher.

http://www.theguardian.com/teacher-...teacher-support-inclusion-but-not-at-any-cost

If we are heading towards fully inclusive education in state schools rather than "special schools" then I would argue it is the training and the system that needs to be addressed. Regular teachers and new TAs should be fully aware of conditions they may encounter in their jobs rather than leaving it to the single SEN specialist for a school or a year.

You do have my sympathy though BadFish. Like Crispy Ambuilance I help out with a junior football team (U9) and we have two kids in the team with ADHD, one severe and one less so. Though it's only 7 a side there are three coaches for the age group, one of who's eldest child also had ADHD. We constantly confer on how best to include these kids and keep them happy while being sensitive to their needs, without affecting the others. We don't always get it right but, when we do, the feeling you get from them having a "good day" is amazing.

Discodoktor · Oct 17, 2015

Fight for what you believe in especially for your children. They and others are relying of people like you to educate society. Total respect!

Charles 'Charley' Charles · Oct 17, 2015

You have my every sympathy. My son has his own condition which severely affects his day to day life, also this is an invisible condition until it decides to play up. His whole school life (8 years now) has been a battle with teachers and staff to try and explain things. We're very lucky in respect that we do have his "team" from Great Ormond Street that try to help as much as possible and will come and attend meeting or talk to the schools, although we wish it didn't come to that. On top of that he also shows some form of Autistic traits, but apparently this is much more to do with his other condition, last year was his first at senior school and to be honest it was excellent, he coped really well and the school were fantastic we were so pleased we'd made the right choice for him. However this year they've changed all the classes etc and my son isn't coping, he really struggles with change so now we are getting calls from the school about behaviour etc. What's compounded this further is the fact he was diagnosed with dyslexia a couple of weeks ago, this week has been assessment week but the SEN hasn't managed to get anything into place before the assessments started so it's been a really gutting week all round especially for him. The worst part about it is if you met him (as several of the posters on here have) you would just think he's a really nice kind boy.

blues · Oct 17, 2015

I work one to one & the child I look after is funny kind. Yes they have their melt downs but when you take time to find the child's interests you can calm them down very easily. Last year I lost two family members In 10 days near Christmas & going back to work in January the child I worked with helped me just by being them.
I love my job & would take one to one any day over a spoils child & pushy parents .

hopkins · Oct 17, 2015

jevs said:
The big problem with autism is that to the outsider, it can often just look like a naughty boy or girl.

My grandson will be 5 soon and he has the full spectrum Aspergers and ADHD. We took him out to the bonfire costume competitions in lewes last night and he played up a bit. The looks we got were unbelievable.

However, how was anyone to know that it was part of his condition ? Unless you have a T shirt with "I'm autistic" on or a bloody great banner, no one would even think that the lad's playing up due to Autism. We've all said it when we've seen a kid sodding around in Tescos or Burger king and said "if that was my kid, he'd get a damn good slap"

Badfish, you have my total sympathy mate.

My sons autistic and although we haven't used it yet we have a band that goes around his wrist (like the help for heroes etc) just in case we go somewhere that may be too much for him. He has a 1 to 1 at school and are finding that she is being used to help with other children, we really had to fight for his funding so that gets to me. Also parents of badly behaved kids that just try and get them signed off as autistic when you can see its shit parenting. Hay ho.

RossyG · Oct 17, 2015

I've a very low opinion of teachers as a group for various reasons. Those who can't, teach etc...

My nephew has coeliac disease, so obviously his health depends on avoiding glutton in food. He went on a school trip, my sister-in-law told the teachers how important his diet was, but the moment he was there they just told him to eat what was there and not be so fussy. He tried to protest but was ignored. It ended with him needing medical treatment.

Nothing happened to the teachers involved, needless to say.

KZNSeagull · Oct 17, 2015

It does dismay me to read that things have not appeared to have improved for autistic children in the UK since we left in 2004. The council were dithering as to whether our son would get statement of special needs or not and it was a contributing factor as to why we came over here. It's now thought that 1 in 80 children could be autistic so provision has to be made soon surely? We were lucky here in that we found an excellent primary school that took him on and were fantastic with him (the fees nearly bankrupted us mind!), but to find a high school has been a different story. Some of the parents at the primary school were negative initially but by the time he left, many said to us that their child had benefited greatly from being at school with an autistic child and if handled correctly, it should be a benefit to all children really. He won the end of school prize for "courage and tenacity in the face of adversity" and got the longest and loudest round of applause of the afternoon. I sobbed shamelessly!

High school on the other hand has been awful and he is now being homeschooled. The only school that took any interest in taking him emailed us on the day before school was due to start and basically said that they could no longer take him. They kept our deposit though of course, the bleeders. In my experience it is the christian schools that are the worst for inclusivity when you would think it would be the other way around. Oh well, he is doing fine now and as he is 16, it is time for us to try and find him a job - another reason to return to the UK. Should be interesting!

Just stick to your guns and don't let anyone fob you off. It was not difficult for his first school to integrate him once they worked out the best strategy to suit him. It did not cost them extra time or money and all the teachers that he had positively embraced it, so much so that they have a special needs child in every year now. I am sure all teachers could do the same if they tried, I guess it is just the trying bit for some that is the difficult bit.

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