How do you cope

1066gull · Jul 22, 2015

Recently I just went through a traumatic experience of losing a job 3 months ago that I desperately wanted to improve at and I've done some heavy soul searching about what kind of person I have become and who I want to be. Sometimes I don't even know anymore.

I've done a lot of crazy things, many of them impulsively and now I have got to a point where I sometimes feel very alone and left out and I don't want to feel like that. People say I am a very outspoken and confident person but sometimes I feel terribly isolated and alone and I fear I am always gonna be so.

I'm 26 now and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I've been living by myself in London for over a year now. I feel like at my age it is the time where you should be spending time with people you care about. I have no one. Some days I really do hate the way I feel. I just don't want to keep going on where it is just me dreaming about things that are not gonna happen. Is there anybody else out there who understands what I am going through?

8ace · Jul 22, 2015

One day at a time.

Harry Wilson's tackle · Jul 22, 2015

Have patience. Try not to agonize today over what may take time to fix. Stay off the booze.

I did none of thise when I was 26. Eventually I became the serene **** I am now. Time and patience.

All the best.

Leekbrookgull · Jul 22, 2015

Get yourself a HGV or PSV Licence. Working for life.

Commander · Jul 22, 2015

Get yourself a 0% credit card. Book yourself a flight to a far-flung country in Asia / South America / Africa. Immerse yourself in another culture for a year. Don't worry about work / accommodation etc, you can sort that when you get there. Have an adventure. Things will seem different when you return. It'll be the making of you.

WhingForPresident · Jul 23, 2015

studio150 · Jul 23, 2015

It could be that you are putting too much pressure on yourself to achieve your goals within rigid time frames. While it always good to have plans, sometimes trying too hard to achieve these means that they engulf your focus which impacts on other areas in your life.

You need to realise that you are not alone and true friends will help you to enjoin life again. You must not spend all your time alone thinking about why things have not yet worked out as you planned. It may be worth consulting your GP to see if assistance is available from the local health authority, or contracting self help groups in your area.

It is not a defeat if you reach out for assistance but the first steps to a better feeling in life. It may not be a quick fix but small steps forward all help.

I wish you all the best in reversing this downward spiral.

Triggaaar · Jul 23, 2015

1066gull said:
I've done some heavy soul searching about what kind of person I have become and who I want to be. Sometimes I don't even know anymore.

Heavy (that's not supposed to be an impression on Neil from the Young Ones).

I've done a lot of crazy things, many of them impulsively and now I have got to a point where I sometimes feel very alone and left out and I don't want to feel like that. People say I am a very outspoken and confident person but sometimes I feel terribly isolated and alone and I fear I am always gonna be so.

I'm 26 now and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I've been living by myself in London for over a year now.

Thankfully I've never lived alone, as I know I wouldn't like it. Some people are happy living on their own and going out for company etc, I wouldn't be. If I was 26 and not living with a partner, I'd look for a house share.

I feel like at my age it is the time where you should be spending time with people you care about.

I think at your age you should be out having fun. If you don't have friends nearby, make some. Do things you like that would lead to meeting other people you might like.

Some days I really do hate the way I feel. I just don't want to keep going on where it is just me dreaming about things that are not gonna happen. Is there anybody else out there who understands what I am going through?

I'm sure there are many people that go through the same thing. Although you don't want to spend your life dreaming without taking action, you don't have to have everything sorted quickly or to any sort of plan. If it's work you need, make sure you're spending some time on that, without letting it dominate you. If the biggest problem is your social life, spend some time sorting that out, and again, don't feel you need to rush it. You're young still and have plenty of time for anything.

Harry Wilson's tackle said:
Stay off the booze.

studio150 said:
It could be that you are putting too much pressure on yourself to achieve your goals within rigid time frames. While it always good to have plans, sometimes trying too hard to achieve these means that they engulf your focus which impacts on other areas in your life.

You need to realise that you are not alone and true friends will help you to enjoin life again. You must not spend all your time alone thinking about why things have not yet worked out as you planned. It may be worth consulting your GP to see if assistance is available from the local health authority, or contracting self help groups in your area.

It is not a defeat if you reach out for assistance but the first steps to a better feeling in life. It may not be a quick fix but small steps forward all help.

Good advice.

Good luck.

Baldseagull · Jul 23, 2015

You have had a confidence knock and are talking yourself down. Stop it. Stand up, go and get a piece of paper, screw it up into a ball and lob it into the bin, if you miss, keep trying until you get it in. When you get it in, strike a victory pose, give yourself a big YESSS!

Forgive yourself for whatever things you may be agonising over, no experience is wasted, you will have learned something and grow because of it.

Stat Brother · Jul 23, 2015

Exercise.

For me I need to get my lazy, good for nothing endorphin's pumping.

Everything feels a lot better when a little weight comes off, and I improved on a PB.

Vegas Seagull · Jul 23, 2015

Pack your bags & move to Brighton

Return of the Rev · Jul 23, 2015

1066gull said:
Recently I just went through a traumatic experience of losing a job 3 months ago that I desperately wanted to improve at and I've done some heavy soul searching about what kind of person I have become and who I want to be. Sometimes I don't even know anymore.

I've done a lot of crazy things, many of them impulsively and now I have got to a point where I sometimes feel very alone and left out and I don't want to feel like that. People say I am a very outspoken and confident person but sometimes I feel terribly isolated and alone and I fear I am always gonna be so.

I'm 26 now and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I've been living by myself in London for over a year now. I feel like at my age it is the time where you should be spending time with people you care about. I have no one. Some days I really do hate the way I feel. I just don't want to keep going on where it is just me dreaming about things that are not gonna happen. Is there anybody else out there who understands what I am going through?

Its quite normal mate,don't be too hard on yourself,26 is a puppy tbh. Make sure you like/love yourself and things will happen for you in the future.

Good luck and take care :thumbsup:

(as others have said exercise is a boost)

StonehamPark · Jul 23, 2015

Stat Brother said:
Exercise.

For me I need to get my lazy, good for nothing endorphin's pumping.

Everything feels a lot better when a little weight comes off, and I improved on a PB.

This in spades.

--

Or do what I'm doing after a horrendous year and combine the above with going off travelling (in January) for a couple of years with the aim of finding something better.

Here, I'll sort your life out in 6 months:

Move out of your current place and rent a room in a house/flat share - Foreign students are great fun and always keen to make local friends.
Get to the next park-run session and trot around the course at your best effort.
Scan Gumtree/Facebook for a local friendly football group, clean up your boots and have a bit of fun.
Find any job that'll give you at least 35 hours a week, it doesn't need to be glamorous, just save as much as possible.
Cut booze, cigs and SUGAR. Sugar f**ks you up, mentally and physically, seriously.
Apply for a Working Holiday Visa for Australia or New Zealand.
Leave for Aus/NZ in 6-7 months with cash in the bank, a beach body and a PMA.

By doing the above, you're getting yourself out of a lonely environment, getting fit, getting healthy, cutting out the worst foods that mess with your head, saving cash and looking forward to the massive life-change that'll be life in Aus/NZ.

Take it from me, I've done all of the above and I'm still doing going strong!

BlockDpete · Jul 23, 2015

Have a look at Meet Up in the web. There are loads of social groups doing all sorts of stuff in London. I'm in a couple of gigging and walking groups

Mr Bridger · Jul 23, 2015

Music!
put some feel good up beat music on on give your place a good tidy up, ( not saying your untidy like) get rid of anything you don't need and strip back as much of the material stuff. Sell it , bet a bit of cash.
Rather than think about what you haven't got, think about what you have got, health , a life time in front of you.
Don't worry about finding someone, they are out there somewhere, it will just take it little longer. You'll find them when you least expect it.
Don't worry about what's gone on in the past , you cannot change any of it. Don't worry about too far into the future, one day at a time
Try thinking about changing the club you support , they will bring you right down :glare:

( only joking)

All in all , your alive on PLANET EARTH! Enjoy it , it doesn't last long

Badger · Jul 23, 2015

Some great advice here, I'd say first and foremost you should speak to people. You'll be surprised how many people are willing to listen and how many people have gone through similar things.

I've lived on my own for the last 5 years, since I was 26 in fact, and I know exactly how you feel. I've gone through periods when I've been completely fed up and despite having friends and family nearby, felt very alone. Last year I got so fed up after failed relationships and fed up of commuting to London that I jacked it in and went to Asia for a month, it's one of the best decisions I've ever made and I had an amazing time. Since then I've done a lot more thinking and I'm about to spend 18 months studying in Canada, life feels good despite not having a special someone.

Don't be afraid to make a big change, I would highly recommend going travelling, it doesn't matter where it is, just get away for a while. Don't go straight away though, the anticipation and excitement before the trip is almost as good as the trip itself.

One of the things that gets me down is seeing other people getting married and supposedly settling down to their happy lives and being jealous that it's not me. I've learnt to understand that they probably have just as many problems to deal with as me, and it's not EVERYONE else who are happy with their lives, I'm likely to be in the majority.

El Presidente · Jul 23, 2015

Do something nice for someone you've never met, for a charity or a social group that is disadvantaged. You will start to feel better about yourself, and confidence, although it increases in inches and falls in feet, will start to nudge upwards.

Buy yourself a pair of running shoes and set yourself a target, a park run of 5k perhaps, and focus on it. Running is very therapeutic.

Nibble · Jul 23, 2015

Confidence is definitely the key.

crabface · Jul 23, 2015

There are many people out there feeling the same way as you. But you have to rememeber that you are never alone, there is always someone to chat to. Positive Mental Attitude is the key, go out and do something that will make you smile even if it is as simple as walking to the shop and buying a pack of sweets.

As others have mentioned excercise is a good way to take your mind off things, dont hesitate to go and see your GP though if you feel to down as they will be able to point you in the right direction.

Stat Brother · Jul 23, 2015

El Presidente said:
Buy yourself a pair of running shoes and set yourself a target, a park run of 5k perhaps, and focus on it. Running is very therapeutic.

Pah - Team bicycle all the the way.

Very therapeutic and won't shag up your knees!!

But seriously Team Something is the way to go, it doesn't matter what exercise takes your fancy, just so long as it gets your heart pumping and is either in a group or outside (swimming being the obvious exception to prove the rule)

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