Was out walking the dog as usual, then felt a twitching in the buttocks signalling that I was approaching Dresden. Was about 10 minutes from home so no problems, and thought that when I arrived home it would have brewed for the right time for a quality dump.
Arrived home, realised I had locked myself out, and wife would not be home for an hour. I initially thought this would be no issue, but my arse was not taking no for an answer, and within a few minutes I was in that slightly awkward hopping mode that indicates you have a mole at the counter.
Therefore in desperation, I raided the bin for a piece of cardboard, popped into my SHED, dropped my trolleys, assumed the Johnny Wilkinson penalty position and curled out an enormous DOUGLAS, which left my buttocks like an otter off a riverbank, and made a very satisfying 'splat' when it his the target. I was nervously looking out of the shed window in case the neighbours saw me, but fortunately there was no sign of them.
I'm sure we have all done spectacular PLOPS in our time, but their magnitude is usually lost as half or more of them slides round the U-bend in the khazi. This was a prize specimen, a huge brown trout that had I laid it in the bog would have been a triple flushed, and possible call to the coastguard to give a warning to shipping of an imminent brownberg. I felt so proud I nearly gave it a name, but decided against.
I did of course fold up the cardboard wrapping and put it in the bin (not the recycling one) before resuming awaiting the return of the wife.
It's okay, you don't need to thank me for sharing x
Arrived home, realised I had locked myself out, and wife would not be home for an hour. I initially thought this would be no issue, but my arse was not taking no for an answer, and within a few minutes I was in that slightly awkward hopping mode that indicates you have a mole at the counter.
Therefore in desperation, I raided the bin for a piece of cardboard, popped into my SHED, dropped my trolleys, assumed the Johnny Wilkinson penalty position and curled out an enormous DOUGLAS, which left my buttocks like an otter off a riverbank, and made a very satisfying 'splat' when it his the target. I was nervously looking out of the shed window in case the neighbours saw me, but fortunately there was no sign of them.
I'm sure we have all done spectacular PLOPS in our time, but their magnitude is usually lost as half or more of them slides round the U-bend in the khazi. This was a prize specimen, a huge brown trout that had I laid it in the bog would have been a triple flushed, and possible call to the coastguard to give a warning to shipping of an imminent brownberg. I felt so proud I nearly gave it a name, but decided against.
I did of course fold up the cardboard wrapping and put it in the bin (not the recycling one) before resuming awaiting the return of the wife.
It's okay, you don't need to thank me for sharing x
