Joke Du Jour

narly101 · Nov 5, 2014

I was pulled over on the way into work by a Policeman. I wound the window down, and he said,

"Do you know why I pulled you over?

"Because you wanted to see how tall I am?" I said.

"Step out of the car, sir" he ordered.

"See I told you so" I replied.

Jack Straw · Nov 5, 2014

No wonder there are so many unsolved crimes when our police force are spending all day seeing how tall people are.

Gazwag · Nov 5, 2014

How old is your car if you had to wind the window down

Stat Brother · Nov 5, 2014

Well how tall are you?

Jeeez talk about a half story Harriet.

Prince Monolulu · Nov 5, 2014

Was this along The Kingsway, happens a lot down there?

Eggman · Nov 5, 2014

So why did he really pull you over?

Speeding probably. :annoyed:

Pavilionaire · Nov 5, 2014

Was it raining? I hope you didn't get wet.

Nathan · Nov 5, 2014

I thought due to new EU laws, they are not allowed to see how tall people are, only how small people are.

How small are you?

JBizzle · Nov 5, 2014

That's very officious of him isn't it. Did you respond in a threatening way?

Man of Harveys · Nov 5, 2014

Are there really no sustainable transport options available for your commute?

hans kraay fan club · Nov 5, 2014

This reminds me of a true story.

I was working on a project in Sydney in 1999, with an American gimp.

At the time it must have not been illegal in the states to use your phone driving, but it most definitely was in NSW.

Gimp is hurtling along the motorway, gibbering into his 'cellphone', when a police car pulls in behind, sirens blaring, lights flashing. Gimp pulls over, and as the furious policeman strides up to his window, pokes his head out and says "Sorry officer - I'll be right with you - I'm just on the phone".

#CoolStoryBro..etc

Hillian1 · Nov 5, 2014

hans kraay fan club said:
This reminds me of a true story.

I was working on a project in Sydney in 1999, with an American gimp.

At the time it must have not been illegal in the states to use your phone driving, but it most definitely was in NSW.

Gimp is hurtling along the motorway, gibbering into his 'cellphone', when a police car pulls in behind, sirens blaring, lights flashing. Gimp pulls over, and as the furious policeman strides up to his window, pokes his head out and says "Sorry officer - I'll be right with you - I'm just on the phone".

#CoolStoryBro..etc

Big LOL over here.

Hun xxx

tomfitz12 · Nov 5, 2014

hans kraay fan club said:
This reminds me of a true story.

I was working on a project in Sydney in 1999, with an American gimp.

At the time it must have not been illegal in the states to use your phone driving, but it most definitely was in NSW.

Gimp is hurtling along the motorway, gibbering into his 'cellphone', when a police car pulls in behind, sirens blaring, lights flashing. Gimp pulls over, and as the furious policeman strides up to his window, pokes his head out and says "Sorry officer - I'll be right with you - I'm just on the phone".

#CoolStoryBro..etc

not sure whats better... the response he gave to the officer

or the question if why the **** where you in a car with a gimp :lolol:

hans kraay fan club · Nov 5, 2014

tomfitz12 said:
not sure whats better... the response he gave to the officer

or the question if why the **** where you in a car with a gimp

Gotta earn a living...

tomfitz12 · Nov 5, 2014

hans kraay fan club said:
Gotta earn a living...

suppose so...

Psychobilly freakout · Nov 5, 2014

hans kraay fan club said:
Gotta earn a living...

I hear ya brother.........

Dick Head · Nov 5, 2014

I was pulled over on the way into work by a policeman. I wound the window down, and he said,

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No," I said innocently.

"You were doing 50mph in a 20mph zone. May I see your license please?"

"No," I replied, "I lost it when I was found guilty of drink driving."

The policeman looked rather concerned at that and said,

"May I see your registration documents then?"

"I don't have any," I said, "I stole this car. I murdered the owner and threw his body in the boot."

The policeman now backed away, calling for backup on his radio. Within minutes the place was crawling with police and I found myself staring at half a dozen burly officers with tasers and batons drawn. The senior officer said,

"Would you get out of the car please, sir. One of my officers said that you had murdered the owner of this vehicle, would you open the boot please?"

I opened the empty boot.

The first policeman looked on in silence.

"My officer also said that you were driving without a current, valid driving license," said the senior officer.

"Really?" I replied, producing my license.

The first policeman was looking on, stunned.

"Is this your car, sir?" he asked eying the more and more incredulous policeman.

"yes," I replied, showing him my registration documents, "and I bet the lying b*stard told you I was speeding too!"

Psychobilly freakout · Nov 5, 2014

Go on then.......

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘I clocked you at 95mph sir.’

The driver says, ‘Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 70mph, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?’

The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.’

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit. The man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ‘Fk it woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?’

The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt sir. That’s an automatic £75 fine.’

The driver says, ‘Yeah well, you see officer, I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’

The wife says, ‘Now dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, ‘WHY DON’T YOU shut the fk up?

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way Ma’am?’

The Wife replies, ‘Only when he’s drunk.’

Dick Head · Nov 5, 2014

I popped into the shop the other day. I was only in there for five minutes. When I came out there was a policeman writing a parking ticket. I said "Oh, come on! How about giving a fellow a break?," but he carried on writing the ticket.
I called him a jobsworth and he started writing another ticket for bald tyres. I started to lose it then and called him a power crazy **** and he started writing a ticket for the chipped windscreen. This went on for several minutes. I dread to think what the car owner's going to make of it when he gets back to his car.

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