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Joke of the day ... I liked this one



goldstone

Well-known member
Jul 5, 2003
7,108
Irish Bus Thieves:

Two Irish friends leave the pub. One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to
walk all the way home.'

'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus
home.'

'We could steal a bus from the depot.' replies his mate.

They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other
keeps a look-out.

After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing?
Have ye not found one yet?'

'I can't find a No. 91'

'Oh Jeysus Christ, ye t'ick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the
roundabout.
 






KZNSeagull

Well-known member
Nov 26, 2007
19,691
Wolsingham, County Durham
True story from my only visit to Listowel racecourse.

On course announcer:

"Coming up the home straight it's number tree and number six, number tree and number six, number tree and number six....And the winner is......"

"Number 4"
 


Simster

"the man's an arse"
Jul 7, 2003
54,110
Surrey
Two Irish guys in a bar.

One says "how many A levels have you got?"

The other says "577"

"You must be joking!"

"Well you started it"
 












METALMICKY

Well-known member
Jan 30, 2004
5,935
Irish Bus Thieves:

Two Irish friends leave the pub. One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to
walk all the way home.'

'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus
home.'

'We could steal a bus from the depot.' replies his mate.

They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other
keeps a look-out.

After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing?
Have ye not found one yet?'

'I can't find a No. 91'

'Oh Jeysus Christ, ye t'ick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the
roundabout.

But surely this is flawed. Most modern buses have electronically generated destination signs on front and or rear. If they have broken in at night then no bus would be marked 91,14 or otherwise. :)
 


Prince Monolulu

Everything in Moderation
Oct 2, 2013
10,201
The Race Hill
Did they intend 'parking' it on the roundabout, since not only is the inference that they had been drinking, to then steal a bus and park it dangerously is extremely irresponsible?
 


Petunia

Living the dream
NSC Patreon
May 8, 2013
2,249
Downunder
The Daily Post, reported that a woman, Annie Smith, has sued the Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Mr. Smith was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight."

:laugh:
 






Prince Monolulu

Everything in Moderation
Oct 2, 2013
10,201
The Race Hill
carsdb.jpg
 








Charlies Shinpad

New member
Jul 5, 2003
4,415
Oakford in Devon
I was at a music charity do last night in aid of raising money for Syria etc.
They had this Muslim band that were wearing teddy boy outfits and in the middle of the gig they exploded.
I think they were called Jihaddi waddy
 


Pavilionaire

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2003
30,521
I was at a music charity do last night in aid of raising money for Syria etc.
They had this Muslim band that were wearing teddy boy outfits and in the middle of the gig they exploded.
I think they were called Jihaddi waddy

Great band, a real blast, I particularly loved "Under The Crescent Moon Of Love"
 


father_and_son

Well-known member
Jan 23, 2012
4,646
Under the Police Box
Two mujaheddin men discussing fatherhood.

Father1: I miss the early days, when he was little, before he took up arms against the infidel.

Father2: I know, I miss those times too. They blow up so quickly these days.
 




AmexRuislip

Trainee Spy 🕵️‍♂️
Feb 2, 2014
33,727
Ruislip
:lolol:I always walk around with a megaphone.

If Facebook breaks I need to be able to tell everyone that I've had dinner.


:lolol:Michael McIntyre has stormed off stage because a woman in the front row wouldn't get off of her phone.

She was only trying to find out what time the comedian was coming on!


:lolol:History remembers Emily Davison, who threw herself in front of the King's horse to become a martyr for the suffragette movement.

It doesn't remember her husband, however, who didn't get his tea that night.
 


D Block blue

Active member
Feb 23, 2009
534
West Sussex la la la
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
 



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