- Apr 5, 2014
- 23,762
Sussex Police today are facing a long and protracted investigation in to the heinous stealing of a full pint at the AMEX stadium.
The said refreshment, believed to be taken while its owner was relieving himself in the stadium toilets, is causing the constabulary much confusion as a rather large number of confessions have already been obtained.
P.C Beard, specially brought out of retirement to head the operation, said whilst holding a half finished plastic pint pot- ‘Ever since the days of patrolling the North Stand in search of anyone who looked remotely like they were enjoying themselves, a hard task back in the 90s, I have waited for a proper criminal investigation such as this. The problem is we have too much to go on, with confessions coming in by the hour. My only disappointment is that I have been ruled out’
Video evidence, and a possible sighting of the dastardly fiend, has emerged on YouTube, with the rascal believed to be urinating the rancid drink in the bushes nearby.
Sussex Police have said they will be taking further confessions until midday tomorrow when the culprit will finally be announced. Anyone owning up after that may still be charged, but will not be eligible for conviction.
Meanwhile, Corals in London Road have opened up for those who wish to have a bet. Ernest is currently 2/1 fav, although the suspiciously named Guinness Boy remains in the running until the full identity of the pint is established.
The said refreshment, believed to be taken while its owner was relieving himself in the stadium toilets, is causing the constabulary much confusion as a rather large number of confessions have already been obtained.
P.C Beard, specially brought out of retirement to head the operation, said whilst holding a half finished plastic pint pot- ‘Ever since the days of patrolling the North Stand in search of anyone who looked remotely like they were enjoying themselves, a hard task back in the 90s, I have waited for a proper criminal investigation such as this. The problem is we have too much to go on, with confessions coming in by the hour. My only disappointment is that I have been ruled out’
Video evidence, and a possible sighting of the dastardly fiend, has emerged on YouTube, with the rascal believed to be urinating the rancid drink in the bushes nearby.
Sussex Police have said they will be taking further confessions until midday tomorrow when the culprit will finally be announced. Anyone owning up after that may still be charged, but will not be eligible for conviction.
Meanwhile, Corals in London Road have opened up for those who wish to have a bet. Ernest is currently 2/1 fav, although the suspiciously named Guinness Boy remains in the running until the full identity of the pint is established.