Harsh lessons of life.

red star portslade · May 24, 2014

need help from NSC

my nephews new(ish) girlfried is going to magaluf on a hen do. I've told him that she'll be filled in every hole and to be prepared for it and not to quiz her on her return. I have also told him to ignore any bandiness in her legs when he picks her up from the airport. he seems reluctant to heed my advice.

how can I prepare the boy for the harsh realities of life?

tomfitz12 · May 24, 2014

25 foot windmill run up and slam him in the balls with your clenched fist

Kazenga <3 · May 24, 2014

Bang her yourself whilst crying and pointing at your nephew and wailing "See, look what you've made me do!"

phoenix · May 24, 2014

red star portslade said:
need help from NSC

my nephews new(ish) girlfried is going to magaluf on a hen do. I've told him that she'll be filled in every hole and to be prepared for it and not to quiz her on her return. I have also told him to ignore any bandiness in her legs when he picks her up from the airport. he seems reluctant to heed my advice.

how can I prepare the boy for the harsh realities of life?

Sorry to say Red Star, you are 100% correct. But will he believe you -------- no.

Baldseagull · May 24, 2014

red star portslade said:
need help from NSC

my nephews new(ish) girlfried is going to magaluf on a hen do. I've told him that she'll be filled in every hole and to be prepared for it and not to quiz her on her return. I have also told him to ignore any bandiness in her legs when he picks her up from the airport. he seems reluctant to heed my advice.

how can I prepare the boy for the harsh realities of life?

You can't, he will have to learn the hard way.

nwgull · May 24, 2014

red star portslade said:
need help from NSC

my nephews new(ish) girlfried is going to magaluf on a hen do. I've told him that she'll be filled in every hole and to be prepared for it and not to quiz her on her return. I have also told him to ignore any bandiness in her legs when he picks her up from the airport. he seems reluctant to heed my advice.

how can I prepare the boy for the harsh realities of life?

I wish I'd had an uncle like you when I was growing up. I had to learn the harsh realities of relationships the hard way.

The Andy Naylor Fan Club · May 24, 2014

red star portslade said:
need help from NSC

my nephews new(ish) girlfried is going to magaluf on a hen do. I've told him that she'll be filled in every hole and to be prepared for it and not to quiz her on her return. I have also told him to ignore any bandiness in her legs when he picks her up from the airport. he seems reluctant to heed my advice.

how can I prepare the boy for the harsh realities of life?

Is this one of the infamous Richard Scudamore emails? :lolol:

TheJasperCo · May 24, 2014

Make sure he doesn't have access to a weapon. Penis excluded.

hybrid_x · May 24, 2014

teach him that girls that go on hen do's to Magaluf are really not the calibre of 'mate' any male should be seeking.

imissworthing2 · May 24, 2014

I'm off to Magaluf next. If u like, I could smash her back doors in so atleast she's keeping it in the (BHA) family? :thumbsup:

Jim Van Winkle · May 24, 2014

red star portslade said:
need help from NSC

my nephews new(ish) girlfried is going to magaluf on a hen do. I've told him that she'll be filled in every hole and to be prepared for it and not to quiz her on her return. I have also told him to ignore any bandiness in her legs when he picks her up from the airport. he seems reluctant to heed my advice.

how can I prepare the boy for the harsh realities of life?

Tell him to get ready to plough her sister upon her return (making sure she (a) has a sister and (b) is the legal age of consent).

Failing that, is her Mum a looker? :moo:

red star portslade · May 24, 2014

imissworthing2 said:
I'm off to Magaluf next. If u like, I could smash her back doors in so atleast she's keeping it in the (BHA) family?

She lives on Olive Rd. You've probably had her already.

lawros left foot · May 24, 2014

Tell him to bang her mate, before she goes, and make sure she knows, a life lesson for all three involved, everybody wins. Oh and tell her mates fiancee as well, he'll thank him for it later

kevtherev · May 24, 2014

When she comes back through customs bow legged, it won't be because of sunburn. Sounds like he is going to learn the hard way.

Bevendean Hillbilly · May 24, 2014

Make sure he steeps the gusset of every pair of drawers she packs in a mixture of Bicarbonate and Tabasco sauce...let it dry thoroughly before packing mind you.

If the young lady gets excited by a dance floor fondle her blip will trigger a chilli flavoured volcano in her pants rendering her foaming and useless...and if any fellow traveller (probably a scaffolders mate from Runcorn) still mounts an assault he will find the experience memorable.

The beauty is..lshe won't be able to say anything about it without incriminating herself.

On the other hand, if she is such a notorious dirtbox, he should give her the Spanish before she sets off.

Boroseagull · May 24, 2014

Bevendean Hillbilly said:
Make sure he steeps the gusset of every pair of drawers she packs in a mixture of Bicarbonate and Tabasco sauce...let it dry thoroughly before packing mind you.

If the young lady gets excited by a dance floor fondle her blip will trigger a chilli flavoured volcano in her pants rendering her foaming and useless...and if any fellow traveller (probably a scaffolders mate from Runcorn) still mounts an assault he will find the experience memorable.

The beauty is..lshe won't be able to say anything about it without incriminating herself.

On the other hand, if she is such a notorious dirtbox, he should give her the Spanish before she sets off.

But what if she goes commando?

Shropshire Seagull · May 25, 2014

He MUST arrange a boys weekend in Blackpool [or similar] where playing away is also a fair game sport.
If she don't like it, she'll have to give Magaluf a miss.

Worthingite · May 25, 2014

lawros left foot said:
Tell him to bang her mate, before she goes, and make sure she knows, a life lesson for all three involved, everybody wins. Oh and tell her mates fiancee as well, he'll thank him for it later

This, but make sure he "thumbs it in", in case she ever finds out.

Wrong-Direction · May 25, 2014

Girls that go to shagalouf are sluts, which is why blokes go there, blokes still outnumber birds 10 to 1 tho! Sausage fest!

bomber130 · May 25, 2014

She gonna come back with a fanny like a wizards sleeve.

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