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Joke du Jour



Kumquat

New member
Mar 2, 2009
4,459
Man goes to the doctor. He says "Everytime I break wind it sounds like a Japanese car. can you check it out for me?" Doctor gets him to drop his trousers and bend over and has a good inspection. "Ah, just as I thought" he says. "You've got an abscess up there". Man says "How did you know that's what it was?" Doctor replies "Haven't you heard abscess makes the fart go Honda?"
 




SouthCoastOwl

New member
May 23, 2013
1,719
Vaux Sur Seine
Another malingerer wasting valuable GP time with a non-life threatening flatulence related problem:wrong:
 




pasty

A different kind of pasty
Jul 5, 2003
30,178
West, West, West Sussex
Was he the same bloke that was sat behind [MENTION=27316]MissGull[/MENTION] at Derby?
 




Man of Harveys

Well-known member
Jul 9, 2003
18,731
Brighton, UK
Assuming he's received the normal amount and quality of medical training, the doctor in question would probably have a decent idea what was causing the problem even before looking. Given that, frankly I can't see how come a patient can be so surprised that the doctor had a good inkling of the cause of those symptoms even before checking.
 




mejonaNO12 aka riskit

Well-known member
Dec 4, 2003
21,481
England
If the doctor already knows that an absess is what is causing the fart to go honda, why does he need to inspect?

The patient clearly asks him "how do you know" after the doctor has looked up there. Surely the doctor would say "because i just looked up your bum"

But No. He explains he knew because of the fart noise.

If this is a commonly known medical diagnosis, then the added inspection was completely unneccesary.
 




Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patreon
May 8, 2007
12,749
Toronto
I assume the patient has a role on the automotive industry. Even then I'm not sure Japanese cars have a specific sound and he hasn't described which sound it is, for all the doctor knows it could be the beep from the central locking.
 








jackanada

Well-known member
Jul 19, 2011
3,150
Brighton
Did he get stomach cramps before farting? Could be a Honda Prelude.
 


maltaseagull

Well-known member
Feb 25, 2009
12,938
Zabbar- Malta
Anal Abscess
An anal abscess is a painful condition in which a collection of pus develops near the anus. Most anal abscesses are a result of infection from small anal glands.

The most common type of abscess is a perianal abscess. This often appears as a painful boil-like swelling near the anus. It may be red in color and warm to the touch. Anal abscesses located in deeper tissue are less common and may be less visible.

Surgical incision and drainage is the most common treatment for all types of anal abscesses and is usually successful.

After an abscess has been drained, however, about 50% of patients will develop a complication called a fistula. A fistula is a small tunnel that makes an abnormal connection between the site of the abscess and the skin.

In some cases, an anal fistula causes persistent drainage. In other cases, where the outside of the tunnel opening closes, the result may be recurrent anal abscesses. Surgery is needed to cure almost all anal fistulas.

Causes of Anal Abscesses
An anal abscess can have many different causes. These include:


Infection of an anal fissure. An anal fissure is a small superficial tear in the skin of the anal canal.
Sexually transmitted infections.
Blocked anal glands.
Risk factors for anal abscesses include:

Colitis
Inflammatory bowel disease such as Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis
Diabetes
Diverticulitis
Pelvic inflammatory disease
Being the receptive partner in anal sex
Use of medications such as prednisone
For adults, using condoms during sexual intercourse, including anal intercourse, can help prevent anal abscesses. For infants and toddlers, frequent diaper changes and proper cleaning during diaper changes can help prevent anal fissures and perianal abscesses.

Symptoms of Anal Abscesses
Superficial anal abscesses are often associated with:

Pain, which is usually constant, throbbing, and worse when sitting down
Skin irritation around the anus, including swelling, redness, and tenderness
Discharge of pus
Constipation or pain associated with bowel movements
Deeper anal abscesses may also be associated with:

Fever
Chills
Malaise
Sometimes, fever is the only symptom of deep anal abscesses.

Diagnosis of Anal Abscesses
Usually, a clinical evaluation -- including a digital rectal exam -- is sufficient to diagnose an anal abscess. But some patients may require additional tests to screen for:

Sexually transmitted infections
inflammatory bowel disease
Diverticular disease
Rectal cancer
In rare cases, an examination may be done under anesthesia. The doctor may also ask for an ultrasound, a CT scan, or an MRI.

Treatment of Anal Abscesses
Prompt surgical drainage is important, preferably before the abscess erupts. Superficial anal abscesses can be drained in a doctor's office using a local anesthetic. Large or deeper anal abscesses may require hospitalization and the assistance of an anesthesiologist.

After the procedure, most people are prescribed medications for pain relief. For otherwise healthy people, antibiotics are usually not needed. Antibiotics may be required, though, for some people, including those with diabetes or decreased immunity.

thanks for sharing that:)
 






Man of Harveys

Well-known member
Jul 9, 2003
18,731
Brighton, UK












Bakesy

Farting for ENGLAND!!!
Feb 13, 2005
9,667
How would i know?I'm pissed.



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