Joke du jour

Superphil said:

Is it 1983, did Jasper Carrots "The Stun" album just come out?

Same story but with a dog, and the line "if you give him a biscuit, he'll let you"

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Superphil said:

Is it 1983, did Jasper Carrots "The Stun" album just come out?

Same story but with a dog, and the line "if you give him a biscuit, he'll let you"

Click to expand...

The Large One said:

Cats, I'm led to believe, would need more persuading to succumb to the neighbour's carnal desires than merely offering him a tin can full of processed food. They need trust, warmth, love - maybe even a ball of wool - in order to become 'close' to them. And what would the cat do with the tin? Evolution has not presented them with opposable thumbs, making the act of opening the tin quite difficult and time-consuming. This sounds like a poor deal for the cat in this instance.

No, the cat would be lowering its dignity far too much to allow this to happen. It would need to raise the bar socially, ethically and morally.

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Spun Cuppa said:

Two neighbours are talking over the garden fence

One points to his neighbour's cat, who is licking it's bollocks, and says, 'I really wish I could do that...'

The neighbour replies, 'Buy him a tin of Whiskas and he'll let you..'

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pastafarian said:

been chuckling all morning to this



Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon,

I is sure of eet"."Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, backbacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree. Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget." "Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opensfire, and Luis is cut down is his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. "Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree" "Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?" "Pepe...ees not a bacon tree........... Ees, a Ham Bush"

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dougdeep said:

Wow. I told that at Junior school. (Nobody laughed)

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pastafarian said:

been chuckling all morning to this



Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon,

I is sure of eet"."Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, backbacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree. Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget." "Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opensfire, and Luis is cut down is his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. "Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree" "Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?" "Pepe...ees not a bacon tree........... Ees, a Ham Bush"

Click to expand...

pastafarian said:

been chuckling all morning to this



Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon,

I is sure of eet"."Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, backbacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree. Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget." "Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opensfire, and Luis is cut down is his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. "Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree" "Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?" "Pepe...ees not a bacon tree........... Ees, a Ham Bush"

Click to expand...

Spun Cuppa said:

Two neighbours are talking over the garden fence

One points to his neighbour's cat, who is licking it's bollocks, and says, 'I really wish I could do that...'

The neighbour replies, 'Buy him a tin of Whiskas and he'll let you..'

Click to expand...

Box of Frogs said:

I know 9 out of 10 owners say their cats prefer Whiskas, but do they really know? I mean, do they?!?!

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