Ernest
Stupid IDIOT
Every morning I WALK up George Street to the CLIFTONVILLE I think back to 1955 when I was FRESHLY demobbed from the SAS and arrived back in Hove, seeing a MASSIVE crowd in George Street I JOINED them and HAD my first ever WETHERSPOONS Full ENGLISH breakfast (LARGE) for 1/6d and I've been HOOKED ever since.
Now I am GETTING on in years I want to PASS onto the YOUNGSTERS the pleasure of HAVING a Full ENGLISH too and I've come up with a GRATE idea. Any parents who haven't the TIME to get to the CLIFTONVILLE with their KIDS send me a PM and drop them off and I will TREAT them to their FIRST ever TRADITIONAL Full English BREAKFAST and I will EVEN give them an EXTRA sausage. Before any SAD individuals say this is ILLEGAL or I am some sort of WEIRDO I have checked with my friend Chief Inspector CONDOM of Hove POLICE and he will VOUCH for my GOOD name and UNBLEMISHED reputation.
Anyway I was up early DOORS today and was sat reading my Daily MALE waiting for the CHEF to get my breakfast SPOT on when I NOTICED 2 strangers across the pub SITTING in a corner. One was a LARGE man and the other was TINY apart from a HUGE nose, he was so SMALL he was sat on TWO cushions so he could REACH the table. When the BARMAID brought their breakfasts to them he SAID loudly I hope you remembered NO bacon or PORK sausage then I REALISED who it was. It was Tony BLOOM and MALKY Mackay and they were in ANIMATED conversation.
This LOOKED sensational and I had to get CLOSER for a listen so using my SAS training I SLITHERED across the floor like a GIANT python and ended UP under their table. They were whispering but I heard MALKY say '5 year contract' and Bloom KEPT on saying 'FFP' and then Bloom said 'SEE you tomorrow'. So I think it is FARE to say Malky WILL be manager TOMORROW.
With that I SLITHERED back to my table where my FULL English was WAITING with 2 EXTRA sausages today as ESPIONAGE is tiring WORK and I DEMOLISHED it in RECORD time and LICKED the plate clean and I was just on the way OUT of the CLIFTONVILLE when I realised my SAUCE hadn't turned up.
What has happened to HIM ? Has BARBER silenced him ? Has BERK knobbled him ? Have they TORTURED him to REVEAL my name ? Is there a CONTRACT out on my ARS. I didn't TAKE any chances and SPRINTED down GEORGE Street narrowly missing CRASHING into the thronging MASSES before LAUNCHING myself onto a Number 6 BUS home.
Now I am GETTING on in years I want to PASS onto the YOUNGSTERS the pleasure of HAVING a Full ENGLISH too and I've come up with a GRATE idea. Any parents who haven't the TIME to get to the CLIFTONVILLE with their KIDS send me a PM and drop them off and I will TREAT them to their FIRST ever TRADITIONAL Full English BREAKFAST and I will EVEN give them an EXTRA sausage. Before any SAD individuals say this is ILLEGAL or I am some sort of WEIRDO I have checked with my friend Chief Inspector CONDOM of Hove POLICE and he will VOUCH for my GOOD name and UNBLEMISHED reputation.
Anyway I was up early DOORS today and was sat reading my Daily MALE waiting for the CHEF to get my breakfast SPOT on when I NOTICED 2 strangers across the pub SITTING in a corner. One was a LARGE man and the other was TINY apart from a HUGE nose, he was so SMALL he was sat on TWO cushions so he could REACH the table. When the BARMAID brought their breakfasts to them he SAID loudly I hope you remembered NO bacon or PORK sausage then I REALISED who it was. It was Tony BLOOM and MALKY Mackay and they were in ANIMATED conversation.
This LOOKED sensational and I had to get CLOSER for a listen so using my SAS training I SLITHERED across the floor like a GIANT python and ended UP under their table. They were whispering but I heard MALKY say '5 year contract' and Bloom KEPT on saying 'FFP' and then Bloom said 'SEE you tomorrow'. So I think it is FARE to say Malky WILL be manager TOMORROW.
With that I SLITHERED back to my table where my FULL English was WAITING with 2 EXTRA sausages today as ESPIONAGE is tiring WORK and I DEMOLISHED it in RECORD time and LICKED the plate clean and I was just on the way OUT of the CLIFTONVILLE when I realised my SAUCE hadn't turned up.
What has happened to HIM ? Has BARBER silenced him ? Has BERK knobbled him ? Have they TORTURED him to REVEAL my name ? Is there a CONTRACT out on my ARS. I didn't TAKE any chances and SPRINTED down GEORGE Street narrowly missing CRASHING into the thronging MASSES before LAUNCHING myself onto a Number 6 BUS home.
