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  1. #1
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    NSC chat help needed. A family member is self harming.


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    I know this seems like an odd topic to bring up on NSC but I'm a bit desperate. Ive recently found out that a family member has been self harming (cutting) for a couple of years. The 'harmer's' mother is beside herself with worry and at a loss as to what to do. So far her GP's not been much help and any help offered by NHS mental health is aimed directly at the 'harmer' who is refusing to talk about it and therefore refusing to seek help.
    The mother really needs some kind of support group for parents of self harmers to point her in the right direction as to how to deal with it and offer some support.
    I've searched in the internet but can't find anything in the Brighton area that offers this and rung numerous numbers but with no joy.
    Does anyone have experience of this and if so where did you go for help.
    I appreciate that people may not want to 'go public' on this but if you do have any ideas please pm me.
    Thank you all.

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    • #2
      Members dazzer6666's Avatar
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      Have PMd you.
    • #3
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      Mind,Samaritans Child line and NSPCC all claim to offer help.Mind are very helpful.
      Last edited by Greyrun; 18-03-2014 at 20:22.
    • #4
      Members Washie's Avatar
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      http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-adv..._wda94588.html
      This helped a bit. finding the causes helps.
    • #5
      A. Virgo, Football Genius
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      i reckon you have to uncover and address the cause, maybe as family you are in a position to do so. im surprised theres no charities to help in the area, but for advice look further afield.
      Daily Mail readers are living in a perpetual hell, expecting their homes to be overrun at any minute by hoodie wearing, skunk smoking, muslim, transgender, asylum seekers.
    • #6
      GEEZUS! Stoo82's Avatar
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      http://elefriends.org.uk/

      If the person does not want to talk to anyone in person. This place can offer support, help and friendship.
    • #7
      The most curious thing.. Cheshire Cat's Avatar
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      A social worker (not me obviously, but they do know what they are talking about) writes....

      The self harmer needs to understand the impact their problem is having on their carers (parents), and communicating that to him/her may be a start. Self harm is often connected to some form of abuse or anorexia/bulemia, and may be a statement of trying to reassert some form of control over their life. It isn't easy, takes time, effort and a lot of emotion, and there may not be the simple answer that everyone else is hoping to find. It is preferable to involve a professional. If the GP is unsympathetic get an appointment with another one asap.

      Good luck.
      "But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    • #8
      Members The Modfather's Avatar
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      Could try CAHMS, helped my niece.
    • #9
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      Cheshire Cat, thats an interesting first line because so far everything else Ive read has suggested the opposite i.e. don't make the self harmer feel that their actions are impacting other peole as this just makes them feel more guilty and so more likely to self harm.

      Stoo, Elefriends looks interesting and I shall certainly pass it on, thanks.

      And thank you everyone who's replied.
    • #10
      The most curious thing.. Cheshire Cat's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Franks Wild Years View Post
      This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
      Cheshire Cat, thats an interesting first line because so far everything else Ive read has suggested the opposite i.e. don't make the self harmer feel that their actions are impacting other peole as this just makes them feel more guilty and so more likely to self harm.

      Stoo, Elefriends looks interesting and I shall certainly pass it on, thanks.

      And thank you everyone who's replied.
      http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealt...self-harm.aspx

      What can I do if I know someone who self-harms?

      It can be very upsetting to be close to someone who self-harms - but there are things you can do. The most important is to listen to them without judging them or being critical. This can be very hard if you are upset yourself- and perhaps angry - about what they are doing. Try to concentrate on them rather than your own feelings – although this can be hard.
      Do

      • Talk to them when they feel like self-harming. Try to understand their feelings, and then move the conversation onto other things.
      • Take some of the mystery out of self-harm by helping them find out about self-harm perhaps by showing them this leaflet, or by using the internet or the local library.
      • Find out about getting help - maybe go with them to see someone, such as their GP.
      • Help them to think about their self-harm not as a shameful secret, but as a problem to be sorted out.

      Don't

      • Try to be their therapist – therapy is complicated and you have enough to deal with as their friend, partner or relative.
      • Expect them to stop overnight – it's difficult and takes time and effort.
      • React strongly, with anger, hurt, or upset - this is likely to make them feel worse. Talk honestly about the effect it has on you, but do this calmly and in a way that shows how much you care for them.
      • Struggle with them when they are about to self-harm – it's better to walk away and to suggest they come and talk about it rather than do it.
      • Make them promise not to do it again.
      • Say that you won't see them unless they stop self-harming.
      • Feel responsible for their self-harm or become the person who is supposed to stop them. You must get on with your own life as well. Make sure you talk to someone close to you, so you get some support.
      "But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

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