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"Jokes" Forwarded by Work Colleagues....



Moshe Gariani

Well-known member
Mar 10, 2005
12,068
Can anyone beat this beauty that just popped into my Inbox...?

Village Chemist Shop


A young woman started work in the Village chemist shop, she was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling condoms.

"Look" he said "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they either ask for a 310 (small); a 320 (medium); or a 330 (large). The word condom is never mentioned".

The first day was fine, but on the second day a black guy came into the shop, put out his hand and said "350" please. The girl panicked. She phoned the Chemist on his mobile, and told him of her predicament.

"Go back in and check if he has a bucket hanging between his legs" her boss told her. She peeped through the door, and saw the bucket hanging between the guy's legs.

"Yes!!" she shouted down the phone "He's got one hanging there!!"

The boss replied "Well, go back in there and give him £3.50 ...

...
...
...
...
...
...
...

he's the window cleaner...!!"


Ticks the two key boxes for me.

1. Shit and not funny
2. Casually offensive
 




Moshe Gariani

Well-known member
Mar 10, 2005
12,068
Where can you get your windows cleaned for £3.50... I am sure Mrs T pays more like £12!
Titanic - you could be onto something regarding the vintage of this offering... (I think the sender may have uncovered it in her attic or stumbled across it at a Car Boot Sale...)
 








Moshe Gariani

Well-known member
Mar 10, 2005
12,068
You could get them done for £3.50 in 1999 when that email was first sent round.
Indeed. I was going to make a sexist comment about it normally being the women at work who send round the oldest and worst jokes but there is a **** of a bloke who does it too....
 


Postman Pat

Well-known member
Jul 24, 2007
6,971
Coldean
Why would he hang the bucket between his legs? It must be almost impossible to walk anywhere like that? Wouldn't it make more sense to leave it outside the shop with his ladders and such?
 






TWOCHOICEStom

Well-known member
Sep 22, 2007
10,546
Brighton
Actually, whilst I'm here. Nothing riles me up more than TRUE STORIES that colleagues send around. For example:

WARNING! DO NOT FLASH YOUR HEADLIGHTS AT DRIVERS WITHOUT THEIR LIGHTS ON - IT IS A GANG INITIATION CEREMONY. YOU WILL BE SHOT AT!!!111!!

or..

WARNING! A WOMAN WAS KILLED YESTERDAY BY A MAN PRETENDING TO BE A POLICE OFFICER IN AN UNMARKED POLICE CAR. DO NOT PULL OVER IF THE POLICE TRY TO ARREST YOU! EVER!
 


Cheeky Monkey

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2003
22,953
I was caught in the classic khazi dilemma at the Amex on Saturday. Only one space at the trough between a bloke to my left with an enormously intimidating hosepipe for a todger (incredibly he was white) and some young pup on my right who insisted on looking my way while he was peeing. Could I go? Could I Fug!
 


Moshe Gariani

Well-known member
Mar 10, 2005
12,068
Actually, whilst I'm here. Nothing riles me up more than TRUE STORIES that colleagues send around. For example:

WARNING! DO NOT FLASH YOUR HEADLIGHTS AT DRIVERS WITHOUT THEIR LIGHTS ON - IT IS A GANG INITIATION CEREMONY. YOU WILL BE SHOT AT!!!111!!

or..

WARNING! A WOMAN WAS KILLED YESTERDAY BY A MAN PRETENDING TO BE A POLICE OFFICER IN AN UNMARKED POLICE CAR. DO NOT PULL OVER IF THE POLICE TRY TO ARREST YOU! EVER!
:D The same people put messages on Facebook about £500 Tesco vouchers...
 




Gwm

New member
Oct 25, 2011
391
Actually, whilst I'm here. Nothing riles me up more than TRUE STORIES that colleagues send around. For example:

WARNING! DO NOT FLASH YOUR HEADLIGHTS AT DRIVERS WITHOUT THEIR LIGHTS ON - IT IS A GANG INITIATION CEREMONY. YOU WILL BE SHOT AT!!!111!!

or..

WARNING! A WOMAN WAS KILLED YESTERDAY BY A MAN PRETENDING TO BE A POLICE OFFICER IN AN UNMARKED POLICE CAR. DO NOT PULL OVER IF THE POLICE TRY TO ARREST YOU! EVER!


The flashing the lights one being a gang initiation was going around facebook for a while, it even had a copy of the letter from the police - addressed as South Africa !!!

Quite possible it has happened over there but people thinking they will be bludgeoned to death in sussex while flashing there lights to warn other drivers is absurd !!
 


Trufflehound

Re-enfranchised
Aug 5, 2003
14,104
The democratic and free EU
Quite possible it has happened over there but people thinking they will be bludgeoned to death in sussex while flashing there lights to warn other drivers is absurd !!

These are probably the same people who believe the email telling them that if they talk to strangers in pubs they will be drugged and wake up next morning in a bath of cold water with a note telling them to call this number as their kidneys have been "harvested"....
 


Leighgull

New member
Dec 27, 2012
2,377
Quite possible it has happened over there but people thinking they will be bludgeoned to death in sussex while flashing there lights to warn other drivers is absurd !!

Well you say that. But my gang, based in Hurstpierpoint, use murdering headlight flashers as our initiation. Always have done. It's a right laugh.
 




albion534

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2010
5,263
Brighton, United Kingdom
These are probably the same people who believe the email telling them that if they talk to strangers in pubs they will be drugged and wake up next morning in a bath of cold water with a note telling them to call this number as their kidneys have been "harvested"....

Or that a young girl was killed in a fire 100 years ago today, and if you don't pass this message on, she will come out from under your bed and kill you!
 


dougdeep

New member
May 9, 2004
37,732
SUNNY SEAFORD
Where can you buy 3 sizes of condoms? I ask because I've been called a big dick a few times.
 


Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patreon
May 8, 2007
12,750
Toronto
Surely if it's a long standing arrangement, the window cleaner would just send an invoice...
 


Leighgull

New member
Dec 27, 2012
2,377
These are probably the same people who believe the email telling them that if they talk to strangers in pubs they will be drugged and wake up next morning in a bath of cold water with a note telling them to call this number as their kidneys have been "harvested"....

Again...have you ever drunk in Hurstpierpoint? This happens all the time.
 






piersa

Well-known member
Apr 17, 2011
3,155
London
How offensive. Have you called the police yet? If you haven't, I'm sure someone will.
 



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