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Joke du Jour



ExmouthExile

Well-known member
Feb 11, 2005
1,799
A lonely woman, aged 60, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (60's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
 


The Andy Naylor Fan Club

Well-known member
Aug 31, 2012
5,144
Right Here, Right Now
That is unbelievable. Someone should get this woman's details from the original advert and report her bigotry and discrimination towards the disabled.
 




Stat Brother

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Jul 11, 2003
73,371
West west west Sussex
That is unbelievable. Someone should get this woman's details from the original advert and report her bigotry and discrimination towards the disabled.
and fraud.

There's no way she's 'only' 60 and pedaling this story.
 










Puppet Master

non sequitur
Aug 14, 2012
4,055
How did he manage to find her address? Surely she wouldn't have put that in a lonely hearts ad, even if they were to allow it?
 




Stat Brother

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Jul 11, 2003
73,371
West west west Sussex
Bearing in my any form of stimulating coitus with the gentleman would have to be cowboy or reverse cowboy.
It would seem like an awful lot of work and care for somewhat limited sexual gratification.
 


Puppet Master

non sequitur
Aug 14, 2012
4,055
Bearing in my any form of stimulating coitus with the gentleman would have to be cowboy or reverse cowboy.
It would seem like an awful lot of work and care for somewhat limited sexual gratification.

It would like be ****ing a chicken nugget :(
 


The Large One

Who's Next?
Jul 7, 2003
52,343
97.2FM
Would a woman in her 60s actually need to advertise for a husband?

63078_xelen-mirren_or_helen-mirren_1600x1200_www.GdeFon.ru_.jpg


Olivia_Newton_John_2012.jpg
 








Tony Towner's Fridge

Well-known member
Aug 22, 2003
5,384
GLASGOW,SCOTLAND,UK
A man went to Harley Street in London, having seen an advert for a
Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Knowing that nowadays, job advertisers aren't able to discriminate
against the applicant's gender, he was very interested, so he went in
and asked the Clerk for details.

The Clerk pulled up the file and read: "This job entails preparing
ladies for the Gynaecologist. You will be responsible for helping them
out of their underwear, laying them down and carefully washing their
private areas, applying shaving foam to the necessary parts and
removing all unwanted foliage, and finally, you'll be required to rub
in soothing oils, in preparation for the Gynaecologist's examination.”

Then she told him “The annual salary is £65,000 and if you're
interested, you'll have to go to Manchester."

"My goodness!", exclaimed the man, "Is that where the job is?".

She answered, "No Sir, that's where the end of the queue is..."



TNBA

TTF
 








Danny-Boy

Banned
Apr 21, 2009
5,579
The Coast
A lonely woman, aged 60, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (60's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

I can touch my nose with my tongue. Not sure I could ring a doorbell at long range though. This sounds like a joke lost in translation, when dio you ever "Run around on" a lady?
 


brakespear

Doctor Worm
Feb 24, 2009
12,326
Sleeping on the roof
A man went to Harley Street in London, having seen an advert for a
Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Knowing that nowadays, job advertisers aren't able to discriminate
against the applicant's gender, he was very interested, so he went in
and asked the Clerk for details.

The Clerk pulled up the file and read: "This job entails preparing
ladies for the Gynaecologist. You will be responsible for helping them
out of their underwear, laying them down and carefully washing their
private areas, applying shaving foam to the necessary parts and
removing all unwanted foliage, and finally, you'll be required to rub
in soothing oils, in preparation for the Gynaecologist's examination.”

Then she told him “The annual salary is £65,000 and if you're
interested, you'll have to go to Manchester."

"My goodness!", exclaimed the man, "Is that where the job is?".

She answered, "No Sir, that's where the end of the queue is..."



TNBA

TTF
:thumbsup:
 




KNC

Well-known member
Sep 3, 2003
2,021
Seven Dials
I'm sorry, I find this hard to believe. Even in these days of high unemployment and zero hours contracts, even in Gideon's dreams, surely a queue wouldn't be that long.
 


Stat Brother

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Jul 11, 2003
73,371
West west west Sussex
A man went to Harley Street in London, having seen an advert for a
Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Knowing that nowadays, job advertisers aren't able to discriminate
against the applicant's gender, he was very interested, so he went in
and asked the Clerk for details.

The Clerk pulled up the file and read: "This job entails preparing
ladies for the Gynaecologist. You will be responsible for helping them
out of their underwear, laying them down and carefully washing their
private areas, applying shaving foam to the necessary parts and
removing all unwanted foliage, and finally, you'll be required to rub
in soothing oils, in preparation for the Gynaecologist's examination.”

Then she told him “The annual salary is £65,000 and if you're
interested, you'll have to go to Manchester."

"My goodness!", exclaimed the man, "Is that where the job is?".

She answered, "No Sir, that's where the end of the queue is..."



TNBA

TTF
Is that an exact translation of what was written next to this

cavelascauicon.jpg

Or just a summation.
 



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