Joke de Jour

Ⓩ-Ⓐ-Ⓜ-Ⓞ-Ⓡ-Ⓐ · Sep 7, 2013

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

:clap:

dougdeep · Sep 7, 2013

Is it 1960 again?

BN9 BHA · Sep 7, 2013

Jack Straw · Sep 7, 2013

Why didn't you say something nice? We all go down hill as we get older, but Shirley you could have come with some sort of serious compliment.
If you get even less sex in the next few weeks, it serves you right.

Stat Brother · Sep 7, 2013

Was she also looking at a Snellen chart, or are you a qualified optician?

MattBackHome · Sep 7, 2013

Has she got really hood eyesight then? I'd imagine that would be scant reassurance if she was feeling so unattractive.

blue2 · Sep 7, 2013

Jack Straw said:
Why didn't you say something nice? We all go down hill as we get older, but Shirley you could have come with some sort of serious compliment.
If you get even less sex in the next few weeks, it serves you right.

How do you know her name is Shirley

blue2 · Sep 7, 2013

I fell for Shirley Zamora she deserves better shame on you

Kumquat · Sep 7, 2013

My girlfriend wouldn't even take that that and she has no self confidence whatsoever.

timbha · Sep 7, 2013

i doubt she was fishing for compliments about her eyesight, women aren't really bothered about people knowing how good their vision is. Why didn't you say that she looks gorgeous to you?

Soulman · Sep 7, 2013

Kumquat said:
My girlfriend wouldn't even take that that and she has no self confidence whatsoever.

Sure, you'll need a bit of Patience and it Only Takes A Minute to Reach Out.

Seagull on the wing · Sep 7, 2013

timbha said:
i doubt she was fishing for compliments about her eyesight, women aren't really bothered about people knowing how good their vision is. Why didn't you say that she looks gorgeous to you?

Nah! best to be honest...tell she is fat and ugly.....but she looks a lot nicer since she won the lottery....

Danny-Boy · Sep 7, 2013

dougdeep said:
Is it 1960 again?

Here's one more current the:

A tourist gets picked up by two prostitutes in Bangkok. They lure him back to their flat by telling him "When you find out what we've got in store, you'll feel like you've won the National Lottery!"

As they strip off in the bedroom he exclaims "You're absolutely right there! We've got six matching balls...."

Questions · Sep 7, 2013

Danny-Boy said:
Here's one more current the:

A tourist gets picked up by two prostitutes in Bangkok. They lure him back to their flat by telling him "When you find out what we've got in store, you'll feel like you've won the National Lottery!"

As they strip off in the bedroom he exclaims "You're absolutely right there! We've got six matching balls...."

Were they talking about our National lottery then ? For this story to be true they would have had to have visited the U.K. or whatever country the tourist was from or at least have read about it and I find that highly unlikely. I,m not sure that Thailand run a state lottery so they couldn't have been referring to that one.

Danny-Boy · Sep 7, 2013

Questions said:
Were they talking about our National lottery then ? For this story to be true they would have had to have visited the U.K. or whatever country the tourist was from or at least have read about it and I find that highly unlikely. I,m not sure that Thailand run a state lottery so they couldn't have been referring to that one.

Well I seem to remember Oz has or had 6 from 49. I think most lotteries do but of course I don't know how many balls the prostitutes had in their bags. Might have been like Hitler(allegedly). Sadly the last bloke who might have seen them or it has just passed away.

Surprised btw that no thread about this old codger, what a life. 9 years in Soviet POW camps after being in the Bunker to the end.

jessiejames · Sep 8, 2013

Jack Straw · Sep 8, 2013

Danny-Boy said:
Here's one more current the:

A tourist gets picked up by two prostitutes in Bangkok. They lure him back to their flat by telling him "When you find out what we've got in store, you'll feel like you've won the National Lottery!"

As they strip off in the bedroom he exclaims "You're absolutely right there! We've got six matching balls...."

We can safely assume that the prostitutes were Thai, and the punter wasn't? We can also assume that the prostitutes were Ladyboys? Therefore, if you're referring to the three of them having identical looking testicles, the chances of them all being the same size and colour is incredibly slim. Unless of course, his eye sight was waning, unlike the lady in the first joke.

Box of Frogs · Sep 8, 2013

Wouldn't the guy pick up the two prostitutes rather than the other way around?

And what was the surprise they had in store for him. If it was that they had matching balls then that would have been very disappointing especially as he ruined it by revealing the punchline himself.

Questions · Sep 8, 2013

An old mate of mine from Durban had sex with a post op prossie when over there. He didn't realise to afterwards when a friend told him and admitted it did feel 'different'. I asked him if he felt sick about it and he told me , " No not really because I went back again the next night"
I still squirm at it.

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