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wallyback

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2011
1,406
Brighton
A Sunday League football team is desperate for players. So desperate in fact that one Sunday they are forced to play a chicken. Rather surprisingly the chicken has a brilliant first half. One minute it's clearing off its own line, the next threading the perfect through ball, the next putting in a perfect cross.

At half time all its team-mates are very pleased and everyone runs back onto the pitch for the second half.

On the way the ref starts chatting with the chicken.

"Great first half mate, you must be really fit".

"Thanks", replied the chicken, "I try to keep myself fit but its difficult finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each morning before work".

"What do you do then?" asked the ref.

"I'm a chartered accountant" replies the chicken.

At this point the ref immediately brandishes the red card and sends the chicken off. The bemused team-mates gather round the ref and start complaining.

"Sorry lads", says the ref, "I had no choice - Professional fowl".
 

Acker79

Well-known member
NSC Licker Extraordinaire
Nov 15, 2008
31,743
Brighton
How did the chicken sign its registration papers? Would the FA have allowed a chicken to register?
The average life span of a chicken is 7 years old, isn't it a little unfair to have a 7 year old (or younger) playing in an adult's game? Under 18s have to have parental permission, but surely if the parent is also under 18 that creates a legal minefield of legal consent?
A talking chicken? A chicken that works out in a gym for an hour a day? You really are stretching credulity.
 

hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
60,981
Chandlers Ford
I'm with Acker - I simply don't believe this so called story. Apart from anything else, if they'd been desperate enough to rope in a chicken at the very last moment, where would they have found a KIT to fit it? There's no way it would have been allowed to play NAKED.

Or shin pads for that matter. the ref wouldn't have let him play without shin pads.
 


Postman Pat

Well-known member
Jul 24, 2007
6,971
Coldean
The referee should be removed from officiating any more games, there is no such offence in the Laws of Association Football called "professional fowl", he may have mis-heard the term "professional foul" in a previous conversation, but even so there is no rule for this, the correct term is "denying a goal scoring opportunity". The chicken has clearly not done so here as he was talking to the referee during half-time so has committed no offence.

This decision will no doubt be appealed and must be overturned by the relevant authority.
 

ExmouthExile

Well-known member
Feb 11, 2005
1,799
Were they allowed to continue the match using the same ball? I mean surely it would be impossible for the average sized chicken to kick a regulation size football, especially with talons or claws or whatever you call chickens feet? There must have been some kind of compromise?
 


Stinkers Bridge

New member
Jul 28, 2004
1,950
Buxted Harbour
Which firm of Chartered Accountants does the chicken work for ? Is it really plausible that they would have a chicken working for them ?
To be honest, even if he was self employed, I doubt very much that he would of ever been accepted at any University, or been able to hold open the necessary books etc that he would of needed to, to learn his trade.
I suspect this story is untrue.
 

skipper734

Registered ruffian
Aug 9, 2008
9,189
Curdridge
Would be rescinded on appeal, as no case to answer and the Ref. can't spell. Foul not Fowl.
 


Brovion

Well-known member
NSC Licker Extraordinaire
Jul 6, 2003
19,295
I'm with Acker - I simply don't believe this so called story. Apart from anything else, if they'd been desperate enough to rope in a chicken at the very last moment, where would they have found a KIT to fit it? There's no way it would have been allowed to play NAKED.

Or shin pads for that matter. the ref wouldn't have let him play without shin pads.
I think it was simply a man dressed up as a chicken. But being Sunday League footballers they were all too pissed to notice.
 

Goldstone1976

We Got Calde in!!
Helpful Moderator
NSC Licker Extraordinaire
Apr 30, 2013
13,754
Herts
You say the chicken put in a perfect cross, but don't mention the half-time score. I assume therefore that its side didn't score from the opportunity. Is this Sunday League team, like another that springs to mind, also in need of improving its finishing abilities?
 


hart's shirt

Well-known member
Jul 8, 2003
10,094
Kitbag in Dubai
That's 3 consecutive minutes of the chicken's first-half performance accounted for. Granted, the 180 seconds were not entirely insignificant, but there's still another 42 minutes plus first half stoppage time that are unexplained in the afore-mentioned match report.

I don't think this can be in any way construed as a 'brilliant first half'. Moreover, it appears that the chicken might well have been out of position if he's feeling the need to play defensively as well as wide.

Whilst it usually makes for good entertainment when players come out of their shells, I'm surprised it wasn't substituted at halftime.

Footballing chickens, yes. Headless chickens, never.
 


SeagullSongs

And it's all gone quiet..
Oct 10, 2011
6,937
Southampton
A chicken weights 2-3 times that of a football. Let's go with 3 times as much.
If a chicken were to put in a perfect cross at, let's say, 45 mph, the chicken - in accordance with Newton's third law of motion - would have to be accelerated backwards by 15 mph, which would be impractical and would likely launch the chicken into the stands.
 

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