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Funny sayings !



Phat Baz 68

Get a ****ing life mate !
Apr 16, 2011
5,023
What's your favourite funny saying/ quotation are there any new ones you've heard lately ?

I heard one last night on a sitcom I had never heard before !

" Eee I'm that hungry I could eat a pensioners leg "

Must say that made me giggle a bit.:)
 


Baldseagull

Well-known member
Jan 26, 2012
10,871
Crawley
Latest Holloway one that made me smile was "we need to tweak the nose of fear and stuff an ice cube down the vest of terror". Comedy Manager for a Comedy Club.
 


LISTER: She could've said, "yes." Stranger things have happened!
RIMMER: Only two spring to mind, Lister: *the spontaneous combustion of
* the Mayor of Warsaw in 1546 and that incident in 12th century Burgandy
* when it rained herring.

Should have watched more Red Dwarf!
 




clapham_gull

Legacy Fan
Aug 20, 2003
25,179
From teenage years, instead of asking did you have sex ? Me and my mates used to ask Did you drop your chocolates ?

A reference to the Milk Tray man, anyone under 40 don't bother asking.

Probably lost on a lot of people, but I remember talking to an old bloke who was telling me about a woman who had left her husband for another woman and then started an affair with a man.

"Problem with her, she's had enough bread in her sandwiches but fancied some jam."

I've never forgotten it.
 




I love old navy says:

"Three sheets to the wind" Someone who is so drunk that they are out of control, like an old sailing ship when all the sails faced the wind.

"Cut of his jib" The nationality of a ship was identified at a distance by the number and shape of its jib sails, triangular sails at the bow end.

"Three square meals" Old navy plates were wooden squares, which links to...

"A little bit on the side" the rations for ordinary navy men shouldn't touch the side of the plate, if it did it was said they were doing something to carry favour for more rations.

It amuses me that these have no real bearing to their original meaning, but are now accepted as normal terminology.
 


Doc Lynam

I hate the Daily Mail
Jun 19, 2011
7,186
" Its colder then a witches tit!"
Guess they must be cold people in general.
 


Adders1

Active member
Jan 14, 2013
368
'You couldn't control a wet copy of the Argus!'

Said to me during a training session by the skipper
 








skipper734

Registered ruffian
Aug 9, 2008
9,189
Curdridge
It's a bit black over Wills Mum's.
 




Stat Brother

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Jul 11, 2003
73,381
West west west Sussex
An old NSC favourite.

'I'm sweating like Ric Waller in a pie shop'.
 


I love old expressions and think we should all do our best to use them as much as possible.
Faves are:-

"Shit and fell back in it" or the variant "pissed past the pot" - common persons speak version of "hoist by their own petard".
"Like a cow with a musket" - awkward.
"Like a fart in a colander trying to decide which hole to escape through" - indecisive (I believe that Roy Hudd used the first bit as the title to his autobiography).


Favourite use of an old word was witnessed by me in the last Withdean season (I think the perpetrator posts on here, respect to you sir). "Referee, that was preposterous" after previously being asked by another more mild mannered fan to moderate his language!

We need more shouts of "you nincompoop...", "sir, your are a blackguard and a scoundrel", and for our friends in Surrey, "you are all hobbledy hoi's and ne'er do wells".
 
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Daffy Duck

Stop bloody moaning!
Nov 7, 2009
3,824
GOSBTS
Like a fart in a trance - someone who's wandering around aimlessly. (We've all come across them in a supermarket).

You don't have to look at the fireplace while you're stoking the fire - I'll leave that one to your imagination.

Put the wood in the hole - shut the door.
 



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