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  1. #1
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    This made me smile.....


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    Subject: The difference between Officers and NCOs


    A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade, but the
    only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.

    Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army.

    Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General. He was,
    however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the General was
    interviewing three servicemen who were candidates for his headquarters
    staff.

    The first was a Captain, a tactical helicopter pilot, and it was a great
    interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, 'Do you notice
    anything different about me?' The young officer answered, 'Why, yes, Sir, I
    couldn't help but notice that you have no ears.'

    The general was displeased with his lack of tact and threw him out.

    The second interview was with a Navy Lieutenant, and he was even better. The
    General then asked him the same question, 'Do you notice anything different
    about me?' He replied sheepishly, 'Well, sir, you have no ears.' The General
    threw him out also.

    The third interview was with an old Sergeant Major, an Infantryman and
    staff-trained NCO. He was smart, articulate, fit, looked sharp, and seemed
    to know more than the two officers combined.

    The General liked this guy, and went ahead with the same question, 'Do you
    notice anything different about me?' To his surprise the Sergeant Major
    said, 'Yes, sir, you wear contact lenses.'

    The General was very impressed and thought, 'What an incredibly observant
    NCO, and he didn't mention my ears.' He asked, 'Sergeant Major, how do you
    know I wear contacts?' 'Well, sir,' the soldier replied, 'it's pretty hard
    to wear glasses with no f***ing ears.'

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    • #2
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      The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of his body.

      The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.

      The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.

      The third one was a grisly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "from the tip of my Penis to my
      testicles."

      It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

      The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's Penis and began to work back.

      Oh Man!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

      The old Chief calmly replied...

      "Vietnam."
    • #3
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      Quote Originally Posted by Gwm View Post
      This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
      The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of his body.

      The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.

      The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.

      The third one was a grisly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "from the tip of my Penis to my
      testicles."

      It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

      The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's Penis and began to work back.

      Oh Man!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

      The old Chief calmly replied...

      "Vietnam."
      Good one...

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