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  1. #1
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    A hellish encounter


    0 Not allowed!
    A HELLISH ENCOUNTER

    The furnaces were roaring
    With a foul and sulphurous smell
    The damned were being tortured –
    Just another day in Hell.
    The air was full of ghastly screams
    And soul-destroying moans
    When above the dreadful clamour
    Rose some shrill suburban tones…

    ‘So messy! And so smelly!
    And so awfully, awfully hot!
    And all you do is torture –
    That puts nothing in the pot!
    I’ll close down all your furnaces
    Your unproductive ways
    And build a brand new call centre –
    A Purgatory that pays!’

    The Devil dropped his pitchfork
    And put on his coat and hat.
    ‘I don’t mind facing Jesus
    But I can’t compete with that!’
    But the damned and all the goblins
    Pleaded ‘Lucifer, don’t go!’
    Stay and help us in our fight -
    Better the Devil that we know!’

    So they voted him shop steward
    And he led a demonstration
    While Thatcher glared and tutted
    In mad, impotent frustration.
    Then they made some massive banners
    In huge letters: ‘COAL NOT DOLE’!
    ‘NOT ONE SINGLE FURNACE CLOSURE!’
    ‘GO TO HEAVEN, TORY TROLL!’

    Now Tomas de Torquemada
    Held a centuries-old position
    As editor of Hell’s newspaper:
    The Daily Inquisition.
    So Thatcher went to him and said
    ‘I need some press support.
    It always does my bidding.
    Here’s some text for your report!’

    But Tomas said ‘Eees complicated -
    ‘Satan ees my mate!
    You know I’ve serve him faithfully
    Since 1498…’
    So she yelled upstairs to Murdoch:
    ‘Rupert, time for you to die!
    I need you down here urgently!’
    But there was no reply.

    Then the Devil came in glory
    Brian Clough at his right hand
    And in tones to shatter marble
    Thundered: ‘Margaret, you are banned!
    Hell’s a worker-run collective
    Self-sufficient, closely-knit.
    We don’t need your poxy meddling.
    I condemn you to the pit!

    But, first, I’ll reunite you
    With the one you love the most.
    He was hiding in the coal hole.
    He was dressed up as a ghost.
    Said he DIDN’T WANT to see you!
    Said to PLEASE keep him away!
    But you’re here now, aren’t you, Denis?
    Bid your lady wife good day…..

    They were loaded in the lift shaft
    And soon they were gone from sight
    And heading for an awful place
    Of pain and endless night
    And you’re not going to believe this
    ‘Twas such awful, rotten luck -
    But half way down the endless pit
    The Thatchers’ lift got stuck...

    So fight for social justice
    And build a better world
    And bury her foul legacy
    With red banners unfurled
    And heed the final message
    Of this cautionary verse
    Or you could end up like Denis.

    I can think of nothing worse.

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