"My girlfriend is a porn star, she'll be pissed off when she finds out"
"I've just wanked myself into Oblivion, the staff at Alton Towers are furious"
"I've just wanked myself into Oblivion, the staff at Alton Towers are furious"
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VIZ Top Tips/Crap Jokes
- Thread starter El Presidente
- Start date
sydney
tinky ****in winky
roger melly's profanasaurus......absolute bed wetting material...!!!
Joe Pineapples
New member
Following Viz on Twitter is one of the best ever things for wasting time.
Gritt23
New member
Just a small selection. A to C.
http://www.oldskoolanthemz.com/forum/humour/7949-roger-mellys-profanisaurus-c.html
MattBackHome
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 11,723
On our wedding anniversary this year my husband promised to treat me like a princess. And he was as good as his word. He took me for a meal, got completely pissed and on the way home crashed the car into a concrete pillar at 120kmph, killing me instantly.
Mrs. B
Essex
Mrs. B
Essex
dannyboy
tfso!
Twinkle Toes
Growing old disgracefully
Drink drivers: Before motoring home after an evening on the piss, try sucking an extra strong mint. Later, when Police stop you for swerving across the road & driving on the pavement, they'll never in a million years suspect that you've been drinking.
dannyboy
tfso!
i'll do that again
Braders
Abi Fletchers Gimpboy
Buy a television set exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.
Superphil
Dismember
Get the feeling of having a gravel drive by glueing rice krispies to your tyres just before you arrive home
- Thread starter
- #12
DRUG OFFENDERS get leniency by explaining that the drugs weren't for your use, but to sell to school children.
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Always leave a spud wrapped in foil inside one of your cupboards.
In the event of your house burning down, you'll at least have the consolation of a tasty baked potato to consume.
In the event of your house burning down, you'll at least have the consolation of a tasty baked potato to consume.
The Spanish
Well-known member
my all time favourite
KING-sized Mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars, for giants. NORMAL-sized Mars bars make ideal king-sized Mars bars for dwarfs, as well as fun-sized ones for giants.
KING-sized Mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars, for giants. NORMAL-sized Mars bars make ideal king-sized Mars bars for dwarfs, as well as fun-sized ones for giants.
Northstander
Well-known member
- Oct 13, 2003
- 14,028
With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them. Shuggie, e-mail
My all-time favourite is: "Fellas, play 'Rodeo Sex'. Take your missus from behind and half way through say some other bird's name. See how long you can stay on for!"
