Smacking Children

¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤ · Jul 7, 2003

Many parents swear smacking is the best way to discipline their child but personally I don't agree with it at all. How is using violence on a child the right way to teach them what's wrong and to respect others.

Discuss....

CHAPPERS · Jul 7, 2003

I don't like it but i believe smacking can work if it is done properly, not too hard and not too regular. I got smacked when i was younger and it taught me not to do certain things, which is why i no longer draw all over the walls of my parents place.

tinx · Jul 7, 2003

Smacking is a very broad term and could mean a full on whack which I don't agree or a simple slap over the back of the hand or sometihng like that which stings temporarily but has no lasting damage which I tinhk is fine.

Basically when I was a kid if I did wrong I got a smack of some sort depending what I had done and it did me no harm what so ever, in this day and age it is scorned upon but my feelings is that in moderation a gentle-ish slap should be acceptable.

Theres my small contribution to this subject for you.

Publius Ovidius · Jul 7, 2003

I am going to be holier than thou now so please ignore.

I am not a great smacker of children ( as BAG and her sister will tell you) however, there is a great problem in society at the moment which is getting very much out of hand. RESPECT

Children are not diciplined at home which leads to lack of respect for authority, because children are not taught to respect authority.

In my day, we would not dream of answering back parents, teachers, policemen etc etc. These days it is the norm. What sort of dicipline has as child got that he/she can "stone an ambulance or fire engine whilst attending an emergence?

Society is falling apart because of nambi pamby liberal wish washy doogooders.

Smacking never did me any harm.

¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤ · Jul 7, 2003

dave the gaffer said:
Children are not diciplined at home which leads to lack of respect for authority, because children are not taught to respect authority.

Fair point Dave but in smacking children, however softly it's done or rarely, is bringing them up to believe that violence is the way to solve things. Hardly any wonder there's so many wars nowadays.

Famous people that were beaten by fathers:

Saddam Hussein
Michael Jackson.

Nuff said.

Yorkie · Jul 7, 2003

Danny have you actually got any children of your own?

Smacking is just one form of punishment. I used to send my kids to their room, stop privileges such as going out or pocket money etc.

They always knew exactly what they were being punished for and what was expected of them.

There is a world of difference between controlled smacking (never in anger) and beating a child. It is just one option.

My son was forever trying to stick his finger in the electricity socket when he was a toddler. I told him, I distracted him with toys, and all sorts of other things and in the end a good smack across his hand was the one thing that prevented him electrocuting himself.

My kids have grown up to be good well adjusted people. One is a chartered accountant and the other a Station Officer in the Fire Brigade.

dwayne · Jul 7, 2003

my dad used to beat me over the head with a hammer and chuck me a pre heated oven when I saisd something, is that normal??

JEM · Jul 7, 2003

Discipline is essential, the lack of nowadays explains why kids are such mouthy little shites.

CHAPPERS · Jul 7, 2003

dwayne said:
my dad used to beat me over the head with a hammer and chuck me a pre heated oven when I saisd something, is that normal??

No but it explains a lot. :dunce:

Publius Ovidius · Jul 7, 2003

That is a tad tenuous mate.

The british public school system was/is based on very strict dicipline from an early age, which although some may describe as cruel, gives the child a respect for authority and a moral feeling of what is "right or wrong". From this system comes the majority of our lawyers, Judges, Civil Servants, Polititions, bankers , Diplomatic Staff, Military leaders etc etc.

Your argument about Saddam Hussain reminds me of something I heard a guy called Gervaise somethingorother say. He is/was a teacher who went around school discussing his life experiences. This is paraphrased what he said............." when you think of education, remember it was highly trained engineers who built gas chambers, highly trained planners and thinkers who devised the processing systems, highly trained doctors who performed the experimentation, highly trained nurses who assisted the dostors, highly trained academics to keep the paperwork accurate...and those people who regarded themselves as the closest to God, the Vatican and the Red Cross, to develop ingenious ways of telling the world it wasn't happening..........."

A sobering reflection on the human mind

¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤ · Jul 7, 2003

But when a parent smacks their child it's a spur of the moment thing done out of temper (How many times do you see a mother hitting her toddler saying "ooh you naughty boy, I love you so much come here I have to do this?") not necessarily a pre-conceived beleif that you're doing the right thing.
This is what confuses kids and means they don't know when they've crossed the line and is what can make them turn out to be nervous wrecks and/or do the same to their children.

Everyone has the right to be not touched in any way by anyone if they don't want them to, even a child by their parent. It's called assault and is illegal for a reason.

WATFORD O · Jul 7, 2003

ChapmansThe Saviour said:
No but it explains a lot.

Publius Ovidius · Jul 7, 2003

tosh danny

how do you dicipline child who is for example throwing stones at a fire engine?

¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤ · Jul 7, 2003

Verbally? Growing up is all a learning curve. By hitting kids in a way you're patronising them, like saying you're not clever enough to understand why it's wrong, so I can't be bothered to explain I'll just whack you one. Parents need to learn to calm themselves down and say "Billy, it's wrong to throw stones/set fire to the cat's tail because........blahblahblah". It's when they do it when they're fully grown we have a problem.

Just for the record my mother, although very fair and leniant would quite often hit me across the back of the legs and even at such a young age I rememeber thinking what she's doing is wrong and just made me play up all the more.

dwayne · Jul 7, 2003

Kids are more out of control than ever these days!!! but on the flipside young people and people in general are too soft these days.

Bring back the cane.

Deano's Right Foot · Jul 7, 2003

I'm pretty sure that research shows that smacking generally doesn't work, and this is reason enough not to do it without even considering the rights of a child not to be subjected to violence.

Positively encouraging good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour seem to be the thing that works best when it comes to teaching children how to behave. Of course it's easier said than done, especially when there is no good behaviour to reward.

I think that something needs to be held in reserve for when a child is in danger (about to run into a road, stick a screwdriver in an electric socket, planning to support Crystal Palace etc.) and a really big shout normally does it, but if you shout at your kids all the time then this might not work, and a smack may well do the trick.

Respect - kids brains, up to the age of five to seven or so, are like sponges, and the way that they behave is all about copying behaviour from their peers (parents, siblings etc.) and so the best way to instill respect is to show it to them and others.

There are always kids with behavioural problems and often none of this works with them, but my experience (three kids including one two year old who can be a monster at times) are on the whole respectful and know how to behave properly, and have been smacked once or twice only, if at all.

Brovion · Jul 7, 2003

Danny I understand what you're saying and you are correct. I have NEVER hit either of my children, although I did once pick up my son and forcibly carry him screaming out of a toy shop because I wouldn't buy him a remote controlled car.

However I can't agree to an outright ban. I think a gentle smack as a form of chastisement, or as Yorkie says to preven the child from inflicting real harm on themselves (or others) is perfectly acceptable - if required. I've just never had to use it. Other punishments (again as listed by Yorkie) or just the threat of those punishments is enough to get them to behave.

However there comes a time - no it can't be defined as people develop at different rates - when hitting a child should be classed as Assault, pure and simple.

For me the problem is defining the term 'gentle smack' and the age at which it should stop,

¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤ · Jul 7, 2003

The thing is, is just one gentle smack now and then ever gonna be enough? No child is an angel so you could be hitting them an awful lot. Hitting them won't fix that broken window, or mop up a spill anyway, so I'd take it out of their pocket money or make them clean it up. They'd soon think twice about doing it again.

Smacking a child may seem to work to their parent but there's rarely any regard for the long term effects on them. Eg why does hitting them "shut them up!" ?........Because they're frightened. It doesn't make a child respect you, just fear and hate you.

Safeway · Jul 7, 2003

Danny Seagull said:
Famous people that were beaten by fathers:

Saddam Hussein
Michael Jackson.

Nuff said.

There is a big difference between a smack and a 'beating'. A smack is generally regarded as a soft(ish) whack on the arse/hand, or a clip 'round the ear 'ole. A beating can be anything from a full-blown punch in the face, to a good shoeing.

Obviously the latter is bad and is basically abuse, but I don't see anything wrong with a little slap here and there just to get the message across.

My parents would occasionally give me a slap and I am neither violent, repressed or disturbed in any way (that's a matter of opinion - Ed).

By the same token, is it okay to hit a dog?

¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤ · Jul 7, 2003

Safeway Seagull said:
There is a big difference between a smack and a 'beating'.

No but both are examples of the varying effects of abusing children. I've chosen to name two of the worst cases. Jackson is now sadly more famous for what he's done to his face then his music. Although undeniably very talented and the sort of person who wouldn't hurt a fly (I refuse to get drawn into the child molesting thing again), what his father did to him completely shattered his self confidence and made him destroy his own body.

On the subject of dogs, anybody know how they train guard dogs to be viscious and attack people without command? By beating them and keeping them locked away from anybody else throughout adolescence.

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