View Poll Results: best scene in alan partridge

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  • kmky (radio) simon fisher (child prodigy) interview

    4 7.14%
  • kmky - arrival of hot pants

    0 0%
  • kmky - political debate

    2 3.57%
  • iap1 - sex scene

    3 5.36%
  • iap1 - mentalist scene

    8 14.29%
  • iap1 - irish men british isles breakfast

    9 16.07%
  • iap1 - funeral scene

    6 10.71%
  • iap2 - dan! dan! dan!

    8 14.29%
  • iap2 - air drumming at graveyard

    2 3.57%
  • others - state away

    14 25.00%
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  1. #1
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    best alan partridge scene


    0 Not allowed!
    right, can we talk about MEEE


    whats your favourite alan partridge moment

    i certainly can't decide, but at a push i might have to say the funeral scene in i'm a.p. 1. truly teeth clenching yet hilarious

    alan - just trying to think of something to say

    widow -there's nothing you can say

    alan (peeved) - alright, alright, hang on....its all, its all....such a pain in the arse
    If you ARE going to phone in, make sure you are at least on nodding terms with modern ballistics

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    • #2
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      1 Not allowed!
      The 'popping out' scene in the travelodge with Lynn.

      Genius.
      **** OFF U MESS
    • #3
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      2 Not allowed!
      I think the Watership Alan one :

      Alan: Youíre joining me, Alan Partridge, and Peter Baxendale Thomas of the Norfolk Farmerís Union. Now, yesterday I, sort of, trod in a rather large farmerís pat when I made some comments about intensive farming. Where did I go wrong?
      Peter: Well I think your comments were ill founded. They were deeply ignorant, they showed a complete lack of understanding of modern agricultural methods, and simply served to highlight the sort of intense stupidity that farmers encounter from armchair pundits who forget to think before they open their mouths. But with a full and frank apology that youíre about to give us this morning Iím sure you can dig yourself out of this rather ugly hole.
      [Alan has looked increasingly irritated throughout Peterís speech. He now forces a smile.]
      Alan: Yeah. Erm, sorry. Er, do you have any requests, anybody you want to say hello to, orÖ?
      Peter: Look, Iím just trying to say that when you make ignorant comments like you did the other day, you serve simply to alarm the public and inflame the farmers, which is exactly what youíve done. Why donít you just apologise and make it nice and simple Ė
      [Alan interrupts Peter with a loud impression of a cowís moo.]
      Alan: Thought thatíd fool you. You could talk the hind-legs off a donkey. But your donkeys are probably born without hind legs because of all the chemicals you put in theirÖ chips.
      Peter: Alan, I donít have donkeys. And even if I did I wouldnít feed them chips. This is exactly the sort of rubbish you came up with the other day when you talked about putting a spine in a bap.
      Alan: I admit that was a mistake. I shouldnít have said bap.
      Peter: Well, good. Well, thatís a start.
      Alan: Well, no, I should have said baguette. Because a spinal column would fit in a baguette.
      Peter: Listen, youíve upset half the farmers in this community. You seem to alienate everybody you come across, including, I gather, your wife, which is why you end up living like some bloody tramp in a lay-by.
      Alan: Itís a travel tavern.
      Peter: I donít care what you call your sordid little grief-hole. It makes no difference to me. The fact is that an awful lot of my colleagues are Ė
      Alan: [Interrupting] Are farmyard animals, yes.
      Peter: Youíre talking about my friends, here.
      Alan: Iíve probably got more friends than youíve got cows.
      Peter: This is ridiculous.
      Alan: How many cows have you got?
      Peter: Iíve got a hundred cattle.
      Alan: Yeah, Iíve got a hundred and four friends.
      Peter: I donít see what this is going to gain you. Why donít you just issue a frank and full retraction of what you said, and youíll get yourself out of a lot of silly bother.
      Alan: Yeah, you are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth.
      Peter: I donít think itís got anything to do with class Ė
      Alan: And the plums have mutated and theyíve got beaks.
      Peter: Beaks?
      Alan: Yes, beaks.
      Peter: Have you got any more of this, or do you want to stop at quacking plums?
      Alan: No, no. You make pigs smoke.
      Peter: I want to know where you think you earned the right to go swanning off on these ludicrous flights of Ė
      Alan: Ah, swans. You feed beefburgers to swans.
      Peter: Do I?
      Alan: Yes, you do.
      Peter: All right, well, perhaps you can tell me whatís wrong with feeding beefburgers to swans?
      Alan: What?
      Peter: Well if you fill a swanís stomach up with beefburgers itís full of fat and itíll float better. Thatís why we do it.
      Alan: Really?
      Peter: No, you complete cretin. Iím just contributing to this total farce. What else are you going to accuse me of?
      Alan: Iíll tell you what. You farmers, you donít like outsiders, do you? You like to stick to your own.
      Peter: What do you mean by that?
      Alan: Iíve seen the big-eared boys on farms.
      Peter: Oh, for goodnessí sake.
      Alan: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and thereís a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife whoís also your brother.
      Peter: Look, have I got anything else to say here or shall I go?
      Alan: Well, listen, Iíll tell you what the point is. You have big sheds, but nobodyís allowed in, and inside these big sheds are twenty-foot high chickens. Because of all the chemicals you put in them.
      [While Alan talks, Peter shakes his head, gathers his stuff together, and goes to leave.]
      Alan: And these chickens are scared. They donít know why theyíre so big. They go ďoh why am I so massive?Ē And theyíre looking down on all the other little chickens, and they think theyíre in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so smallÖ do you deny that? [Peter has left] No. His silence, I think, speaks volumes.
      [Lynn enters the room. Alan gestures furiously at her to take Peterís seat. She does.]
      Alan: AndÖ and basically, do you agree that everything Iíve said thus far is completely correct?
      Lynn: Yes.
      [Alan mouthes ďlowerĒ, and gestures.]
      Lynn: [In a deep voice] Yes.
      Alan: And do you also run over badgers in your tractor, for fun?
      Lynn: Yes.
      Alan: Thank you, Peter Baxendale Thomas. This is TíPau.
      " I think Norman Baker is a w@nker, and you can print that. "
    • #4
      LUZZING chairs about Wilko's Avatar
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      0 Not allowed!
      The IAP 'Ladyboys' one. When he is on the barge:

      AP - 'ahhhh try pedestrianising this'

      Falmer - 'Partidge you wanker'

      AP - 'we'll dub that out, play some music over it'





      a-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaa
    • #5
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      0 Not allowed!
      The interview with the 2nd best French racing driver where he criticises the film Cyrano de Bergerac, setting it in the middle ages, and starring Gerard Diepardieu. In Britain Bergerac will always be John Nettles!
    • #6
      Chocolate Monk
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      0 Not allowed!
      Fav Alan Partridge moment is still the horse racing bit in The Day Today.

      AP: I hope that's not a dead horse under there, they'll never fit that in to the back of a volvo 340....
      My uncle was born in America.
      But he was one of the lucky ones. He managed to escape in a balloon during the Jimmy Carter presidency.
    • #7
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      0 Not allowed!
      The one where John Thomson comes on and does a comedy act with Cheeky Monkey only to cock it up... Alan crucifies him as he walks off and he throws off the puppet in disgust...

      That and the 'Dirty Protest' scene...
    • #8
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      1 Not allowed!
      When they take the piss out of him in the travel lodge and he comes in and swings his bag at them and tells them to "watch it".

      He then goes upstairs and turns himself into a zombie using the shower curtain - classic.
      Vicenza, Vicenza, vaffanculo.

      Forza Hellas - Vicentini di merda.
    • #9
      That was textbook
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      0 Not allowed!
      If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and thereís a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife whoís also your brother.


      Farmers one for me
    • #10
      Back From The Dead The Wookiee's Avatar
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      0 Not allowed!
      A.P is on a barge and a cow gets lobbed over a bridge at him !!

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