best alan partridge scene

right, can we talk about MEEE


whats your favourite alan partridge moment

i certainly can't decide, but at a push i might have to say the funeral scene in i'm a.p. 1. truly teeth clenching yet hilarious

alan - just trying to think of something to say

widow -there's nothing you can say

alan (peeved) - alright, alright, hang on....its all, its all....such a pain in the arse

The 'popping out' scene in the travelodge with Lynn.

Genius.

I think the Watership Alan one :

Alan: You’re joining me, Alan Partridge, and Peter Baxendale Thomas of the Norfolk Farmer’s Union. Now, yesterday I, sort of, trod in a rather large farmer’s pat when I made some comments about intensive farming. Where did I go wrong?
Peter: Well I think your comments were ill founded. They were deeply ignorant, they showed a complete lack of understanding of modern agricultural methods, and simply served to highlight the sort of intense stupidity that farmers encounter from armchair pundits who forget to think before they open their mouths. But with a full and frank apology that you’re about to give us this morning I’m sure you can dig yourself out of this rather ugly hole.
[Alan has looked increasingly irritated throughout Peter’s speech. He now forces a smile.]
Alan: Yeah. Erm, sorry. Er, do you have any requests, anybody you want to say hello to, or…?
Peter: Look, I’m just trying to say that when you make ignorant comments like you did the other day, you serve simply to alarm the public and inflame the farmers, which is exactly what you’ve done. Why don’t you just apologise and make it nice and simple –
[Alan interrupts Peter with a loud impression of a cow’s moo.]
Alan: Thought that’d fool you. You could talk the hind-legs off a donkey. But your donkeys are probably born without hind legs because of all the chemicals you put in their… chips.
Peter: Alan, I don’t have donkeys. And even if I did I wouldn’t feed them chips. This is exactly the sort of rubbish you came up with the other day when you talked about putting a spine in a bap.
Alan: I admit that was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said bap.
Peter: Well, good. Well, that’s a start.
Alan: Well, no, I should have said baguette. Because a spinal column would fit in a baguette.
Peter: Listen, you’ve upset half the farmers in this community. You seem to alienate everybody you come across, including, I gather, your wife, which is why you end up living like some bloody tramp in a lay-by.
Alan: It’s a travel tavern.
Peter: I don’t care what you call your sordid little grief-hole. It makes no difference to me. The fact is that an awful lot of my colleagues are –
Alan: [Interrupting] Are farmyard animals, yes.
Peter: You’re talking about my friends, here.
Alan: I’ve probably got more friends than you’ve got cows.
Peter: This is ridiculous.
Alan: How many cows have you got?
Peter: I’ve got a hundred cattle.
Alan: Yeah, I’ve got a hundred and four friends.
Peter: I don’t see what this is going to gain you. Why don’t you just issue a frank and full retraction of what you said, and you’ll get yourself out of a lot of silly bother.
Alan: Yeah, you are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth.
Peter: I don’t think it’s got anything to do with class –
Alan: And the plums have mutated and they’ve got beaks.
Peter: Beaks?
Alan: Yes, beaks.
Peter: Have you got any more of this, or do you want to stop at quacking plums?
Alan: No, no. You make pigs smoke.
Peter: I want to know where you think you earned the right to go swanning off on these ludicrous flights of –
Alan: Ah, swans. You feed beefburgers to swans.
Peter: Do I?
Alan: Yes, you do.
Peter: All right, well, perhaps you can tell me what’s wrong with feeding beefburgers to swans?
Alan: What?
Peter: Well if you fill a swan’s stomach up with beefburgers it’s full of fat and it’ll float better. That’s why we do it.
Alan: Really?
Peter: No, you complete cretin. I’m just contributing to this total farce. What else are you going to accuse me of?
Alan: I’ll tell you what. You farmers, you don’t like outsiders, do you? You like to stick to your own.
Peter: What do you mean by that?
Alan: I’ve seen the big-eared boys on farms.
Peter: Oh, for goodness’ sake.
Alan: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there’s a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who’s also your brother.
Peter: Look, have I got anything else to say here or shall I go?
Alan: Well, listen, I’ll tell you what the point is. You have big sheds, but nobody’s allowed in, and inside these big sheds are twenty-foot high chickens. Because of all the chemicals you put in them.
[While Alan talks, Peter shakes his head, gathers his stuff together, and goes to leave.]
Alan: And these chickens are scared. They don’t know why they’re so big. They go “oh why am I so massive?” And they’re looking down on all the other little chickens, and they think they’re in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so small… do you deny that? [Peter has left] No. His silence, I think, speaks volumes.
[Lynn enters the room. Alan gestures furiously at her to take Peter’s seat. She does.]
Alan: And… and basically, do you agree that everything I’ve said thus far is completely correct?
Lynn: Yes.
[Alan mouthes “lower”, and gestures.]
Lynn: [In a deep voice] Yes.
Alan: And do you also run over badgers in your tractor, for fun?
Lynn: Yes.
Alan: Thank you, Peter Baxendale Thomas. This is T’Pau.

The IAP 'Ladyboys' one. When he is on the barge:

AP - 'ahhhh try pedestrianising this'

Falmer - 'Partidge you wanker'

AP - 'we'll dub that out, play some music over it'





a-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The interview with the 2nd best French racing driver where he criticises the film Cyrano de Bergerac, setting it in the middle ages, and starring Gerard Diepardieu. In Britain Bergerac will always be John Nettles!

Fav Alan Partridge moment is still the horse racing bit in The Day Today.

AP: I hope that's not a dead horse under there, they'll never fit that in to the back of a volvo 340....

The one where John Thomson comes on and does a comedy act with Cheeky Monkey only to cock it up... Alan crucifies him as he walks off and he throws off the puppet in disgust...

That and the 'Dirty Protest' scene...

When they take the piss out of him in the travel lodge and he comes in and swings his bag at them and tells them to "watch it".

He then goes upstairs and turns himself into a zombie using the shower curtain - classic.

If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there’s a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who’s also your brother.

Click to expand...

Farmers one for me

A.P is on a barge and a cow gets lobbed over a bridge at him !!

On the radio with the other DJ bloke after he gets the pull when trying to steal a traffic cone:

"What's the matter Alan, CONE't you take a joke?"

"Oh, f*** off."

The bit where he is hypnotised and regressed to his schooldays. It went something like this...

HYPNOTIST: Alan, where are you?
ALAN: At the bottom of a hill. It's a cross-country run. I'm alone...
HYPNOTIST: Where are the others?
ALAN: At the top of the hill. I'm cold...
HYPNOTIST: Why are you cold, Alan?
ALAN: Steven McCoombe's taken my shorts.
HYPNOTIST: What is he doing with them?
ALAN: He's waving them about. He's shouting "Smelly Alan Fartridge"......... I'm not smelly!

BurberrySkinnedMonster said:

A.P is on a barge and a cow gets lobbed over a bridge at him !!

Click to expand...

That is a classic scene.

Where the tax people come and investigate Alan in IAP2.

Alan:Now,i have a confession to make.When i lifted my legs up then i emitted a smell that wasn't particularly pleasant,apologies if it does register at any time.

Episode 3 I've got an udder on me

After upsetting the entire farming community of
Britain, Alan Partridge has a cow dropped on him
whilst filming a Hamiltons waterbreaks video...

Alan: [Slowly] Can you hear me? I’m trapped
under a cow.
Steve: Alright, he’s OK. Look, get the cow of the
boat please.
Hugh: Get that cow off the boat!
Alan: I’m not OK. I’m not OK. Help! I can feel an
udder on my leg.
Steve: Call Cliff Thorburn now, please.
Alan: Cliff Thorburn is not, primarily, a presenter.
He is a snooker – ex-snooker player –
and is an unknown quantity.
Hugh: Yeah, but he’s not under a cow.

great quote. love that sex scene! 'access to dixon's'

None of em

Anything from the Radio Series, Day Today or Knowing Me Knowing You were utter class

When he's comentating at the world cup '94 on the day today, someone score's, Partridge shouts "its a goal," then as a celebration someone blasts the ball back into the net, "and another" he adds.
Brilliant, but could have been told better.

culvers said:

When he's comentating at the world cup '94 on the day today, someone score's, Partridge shouts "its a goal," then as a celebration someone blasts the ball back into the net, "and another" he adds.
Brilliant, but could have been told better.

Click to expand...

Thats superb that bit. 'goal' ...;and another'

........shit, did you see that !!