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  1. #1
    NSC's Most Stalked Mendoza's Avatar
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    Jul 2003
    somewhere in a newspaper or online probably

    REMF Programme Notes

    0 Not allowed!
    These are what were published in the programme

    1 Peter Griffin (GK)
    Sponsored by Mrs Guy Butters
    Amongst all the Kuipers v Henderson v Flinders debates, there comes another goalie. Pete is between the sticks for a 4th time. He fancies himself as a great goalie, and due to massive catalogue of unlucky events, never made it as a professional. Pete is aiming on keeping his first REMF clean sheet. He new reason to celebrate as fatherhood looming on him soon. If you cant see him, he’s the one in the luminous bright pink shirt. Internet name, Seagullible

    2 Richard Coleman
    Sponsored by your relaxed, friendly and informal cruise company
    One of three Richie’s playing at the back. Coleman has kindly offered to give up his usual Friday night gig at the Wheatsheaf as a Damien Duff look-a-like to join the team. Richie can also play in midfield, where he played last year. Internet name, Little Rich

    3 Tom Walmsley
    Sponsored by
    Walmsley came on as a sub last year to make his debut for the REMF team. Tom also dazzled the crowd with his showboat penalty. He scored, but cunningly appeared to mis-kick the ball, then aim it at the nearest molehill to make it shoot up over the diving goalkeeper. Will be found in the changing room making excuses for his performance before kick off. Internet name, Father Jack

    4 Sheehan Edmonds
    Sponsored by
    Sheebo has prepared for this game by choosing to snub all training sessions and get engaged instead. Can play at the back and in midfield, but prefers to play the free role against managers orders. Has disappeared off the planet in the last year, but has taken time out to join the squad. Internet name, Sheebo

    5 Richard Allen
    Sponsored by
    A massive presence at the back and the last remaining member of the original REMF team. Will almost certainly be found in the back line moaning at everyone on both teams, the ref and the crowd. Its never his fault, and don’t you forget it. Richie found fame at Withdean Stadium when he scored the winning penalty in the REMF 5 penalty shootout. Internet name, TOTKM

    6 Richard Morris
    If you see him, you probably think he is one of Brighton’s many Big Issue Sellers, but hes not, Richie will be playing in the middle of defence, with a big beard and headband to mark this great occasion. Tonight he is looking for a performance better than one of next big thing band tips. Internet name Richie Morris

    7 Malcolm Buss
    Sponsored by
    Beefy is still searching for his first ever REMF goal after numerous attempts. Malcom can play upfront or on the wings and has got the pace to unlock the defence. Tonight he feels he’s finally going to break the duck! Hopefully he can take some of his Sunday league form into the game where he claims he has scored 435 goals in the last 2 seasons. Internet name, El Turi

    8 Paul Rogers
    Sponsored by The Gentlemans Drinking Club (first in the pub, last out!)
    Paul is probably most famous for watching Cantona’s chip go in against Sheffield United at Bramall Lane, or for helping Brighton & Hove Albion win back to back championships at the infancy of the Millennium. Has been involved in the successful REMF golf days, and now making his debut in the football format and a welcome addition to the this years squad. One of the 2 Ex Pros in the Albion line up tonight

    9 Neil Kane
    Sponsored by Crocs on Tour and
    Neil was winner of last years Man of The Match award, and luckily it never got to his head. He likes to wind up as many people as humanly possible. Hobbies include looking at himself in the mirror, Showing people pictures of himself and regaling strangers with stories about himself. Will probably be sporting some stupid haircut or colour again this year. Internet name Kaney, Hoggy, Leroy

    10 Brett Mendoza
    Sponsored by Brighton & Hove Albion Club Shop & Ticket Office
    A general all round nice guy, who is generally a bit lazy. Seems to adored by many Albion fans, both female and male, but needs to concentrate on adding to his one REMF goal. Will be playing upfront, but he maybe late for kick off because he needs to style his hair even though it will look the same as when it started. Internet name, Mendoza10

    11 Ricky Marlowe
    Sponsored by Gareth Glover (REMF Chairman)
    Ricky was one of Robert Eaton’s favourite players, and has been tremendous in helping REMF what it is today. To appear tonight, Ricky has travelled down from Edinburgh and made fame last year when he went out clubbing with the rest of the team and was the last person that went home

    12 Max Healey
    Sponsored by Sporting Colours (
    It is an honour for Max to border soberness and join us tonight. He names his football idol and general all round god as Ian Chapman, so if said Ian Chapman gives the MOM to Max, we know something very dodgy is going on. One of the few left footed players in the squad and one of the stalwarts of the REMF squads, and the fans favourite. Internet name, Chapman’s the Saviour

    13 Scott McCarthy (GK)
    Sponsored by Crocs on Tour and John Boy
    Making his debut in the REMF squad. A true gentleman, McCarthy prides himself on the attributes that seperate mainstream society from the elitest group known as the chaps. These attributes include many activites that are sadly being wiped away from the face of mainstream society, such as pipe smoking, fox hunting, a deep and meaningful interest in philosophy and Victorian pornography. Internet name, Scotty Mac

    14 Peter Perrin
    Sponsored by Nick Adams, Mrs Guy Butters, John Boy, My Boyfriend
    Mr Perrin is also appearing in the REMF squad for the first time. This was only to reward him for his massive contribution to NSC of 32000+ posts. Pete is more team gimp, and will probably be found in the corner naked with a goat for the team to take pre match tension out on. Internet name, Spurs Fan

    15 Sam Mellor
    Sponsored by
    A previous winner of the REMF man of the match award, Sam will be playing in the middle of the midfield with his new partner in crime Paul Rogers. Likes to showboat, and you will see him trying many fancy flicks and backheels, but how many will actually come off for the flame haired midfield dynamo?Internet name, Chesney Christ

    16 Andy Rumble
    Sponsored by The Gentlemans Drinking Club (first in the pub, last out!)
    Andy has taken on the huge responsibility of organising the REMF squad every year, and this year like always has done a great job. Will probably be found in the dugout with a can of Fosters instead of warming up to come on the pitch in bright yellow shoes. Can play anywhere and is 15th choice goalkeeper tonight
    Internet name, Fatboy

    17 Kevin Ticehurst
    Sponsored by
    One of the three squad players this year, making his debut. Another striking option for the REMF team. To Kevin the Albion is like Cheers, where everybody knows his name. Internet name, Basil Fawlty

    18 Piers Benjamin
    Sponsored by The Gentlemans Drinking Club (first in the pub, last out!)
    Pacy striker never to make an appearance in the team despite being in the squad every year. Surely this year will be the year
    Internet name, Uncle Buck

    19 Simon Leverock-Valder
    Sponsored by The Gentlemans Drinking Club (first in the pub, last out!)
    Dynamic left winger in the squad, but due to a dodgy knee, may not make an appearance. Internet name, Trigger


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